The Tricky Trail Times

USA!!!!!!

2010-06-23T23:35:00.003-04:00

What a wonderful day. Time to bring the TTT out of hibernation.

Check out the link below for celebration videos. I can't say Rockbottom in Cincinnati was this crazy, but I know I was hugging people and others were seen climbing on the chairs.

http://goal.blogs.nytimes.com/2010/06/23/across-the-u-s-an-explosion-of-joy/

Pete Rose Sings

2009-10-05T16:21:00.000-04:00

Cox calls for gusher!

2009-09-27T02:59:00.004-04:00

“I thought Hanson probably rushed himself a little in the fifth inning,” Braves manager, Bobby Cox said. “We had a bad weather report. There was supposed to come a gusher.”

The Ballad of G.I. Joe

2009-08-11T10:08:00.000-04:00

The Ballad of G.I. Joe from Olivia Wilde

The Answer to 'Numb Baseball'

2009-08-10T12:59:00.002-04:00

Here’s the answer to “numb baseball:” Promotion and Relegation.

Can you imagine if the Reds could knock the Pirates down to AAA? That would make games in September insanely exciting. Could you imagine the being on the brink of demotion? Small market teams struggling at the bottom would be less willing to sell their players because doing so would seal their demise. Then they’d lose all sorts of sponsorship and media money.

Could you imagine if Louisville would win AAA and make it to the bigs? Pick up a few victories over huge clubs? See the rotten Yankees come to town?

Imagine teams of newly-promoted kids playing games in huge parks... not just one individual making his debut on a random summer night. The nation could fall in love with a team like the Toledo Mudhens. Who knows?

Finally, and perhaps more tangibly? Why not try an open cup, in which all of the nation's teams enter a single-elimination tournament?

Baseball could become magical. Attendance would skyrocket at all levels. And this system might help people forget about the steroids era. Hell, and ESPN might be forced to cover a topic beyond the Red Sox/Yankees.

At this point, it will never happen - we’re so entrenched in marketing deals and farm systems, and all that; I'm not sure how this idea could ever get off the ground.

Maybe the open cup is the proper first step.

Are you on board with this idea? If so, let me know and let’s start a movement.

Nani

Blitzen Trapper: Black River Killer

2009-08-07T10:42:00.001-04:00

I see no limit to how incredible this band can become. Combining Tom Petty's tone with Neil Young's grit and sensibility is potent. These guys are going to be around for a long time.

Things Dads Like, Vol. 2

2009-08-01T02:11:00.007-04:00

Dads like not pronouncing the letter "H."

Growing up I was always told "look at that 'uge' fireworks display" or "be proud to be part of the 'uman' race." Or, "do you want to go see that new 'ugh' Jackman flick?" Or,"hey hippie, why don't you go work for the 'umane' society." Or, "what insurance do you have?......'umana.'"

Good thing I wasn't ome-schooled.

Triumph at Bonnaroo

2009-07-28T09:28:00.002-04:00

I attended my 3rd Bonnaroo this past June and while a good time was had by all I feel my ability to sum it up lacks... um, something, something indeed.
Oh yes, it lacks a loud mouthed, rude, dog puppet. Nothing says funny quite like makin' fun of hippies.

Enjoy!

PART 1

PART 2

Things Dads Like, (An ongoing series?).

2009-07-27T18:21:00.005-04:00

Dads like Brawny Lads.

My sample pool is small, but distinguished. For my first entry, in what may be an ongoing series on "Things Dads Like," my research comes from only two fathers (mine and my roommates), but the numbers cannot be disputed. According to my research, 100% of dads like Brawny Lads. A Brawny Lad can be found at your local Big Boy chain (in the 'Nati it is Frisch's, but I have also seen Bob's Big Boy elsewhere). I assume the Brawny Lad transcends all Big Boy locations and is not unique to Frisch's.

Why do all dads like Brawny Lads?

Is it the ingredients? Rye bun, hamburger and onion. I can only assume this sandwich was created by a stout Englishman pulling ingredients out of a hat. Well, it worked. I think it's the rye that hooks them, I have only known a dad to like rye bread.

So, when Father’s Day rolls around and you don’t know what to get your dad. Get him a gift card to Big Boy. I’ll even give you a suggestion for what to write in the card:

“Of all the things to get you, dad, I knew you’d love a Brawny Lad.”

(Images: 1. the sandwich; 2. the image that comes up when you google image search “brawny lad.”)

Stuff White Christians Like

2009-07-13T22:56:00.002-04:00

I got a kick out of the "Youth Pastors" entry. Haven't read much of the rest, but wanted to post it.

"FIRE: Faith Ignites Radical Energy"

Love it.

The Sarah Palin Files, Pt. 74

2009-07-11T12:49:00.002-04:00

Epic takedown. And not from the lib-rul elites; from a local yocal.

Can I Get a Witness?

2009-07-09T18:02:00.005-04:00

Apparently we are not all witnesses. As you have probably heard, Xavier sophomore, Jordan Crawford dunked on Lebron James on Tuesday in a pick-up game. Video of the happening has not and will not be released because Nike and King James confiscated all tapes of the occurrence. This got me thinking, what else have Nike and Lebron covered up?

In January of 2002, Lebron choked on a pretzel while watching football, when the story hit the press, the story remained the same, but the folly was pinned on then President George W. Bush.
In February 2006, while hunting, Lebron accidentally shot his hunting buddy in the face. But by the time the media got wind of it, the assailant was Dick Cheney by that point.
In November 2006, Lebron went on a racist tirade at the Laugh Factory in LA…it was not Michael Richards.
In May 2007, an intoxicated Lebron James was caught on video eating a cheeseburger off his living room floor. Nike found the tape, destroyed it, but then later paid David Hasselhoff to recreate the scene. One Nike executive, speaking under terms of anonymity, said, “We got rid of that one pretty quickly, but it was so hilarious and embarrassing that we wanted to get tape of someone doing it, so we called The Hoff (David Hasselhoff). He was reluctant at first, but then I said ‘Just Do It!’ and he agreed.”
Finally, multiple times throughout his life, Lebron has been seen getting in and out of cars without wearing panties. You thought that was Britney? Good, that’s the way Nike wants it.

Stay classy Lebron.

what a goal

2009-07-09T13:39:00.001-04:00

The Sarah Palin Files, Pt. 73? "The Governor Needed a Break..."

2009-07-07T13:32:00.003-04:00

Let's invoke this line if/when this person tries to run in 2012... but let's wait until she wins the primary.

On the same day that Sarah Palin told CNN, "I am not a quitter; I am a fighter," her personal lawyer told the media:

"The governor needed a break after being on duty now for two and a half years solid."

Part of me hopes she'll make a run. I mean, that was the most entertaining election and fallout that I can remember in my young life.

Onyewu to Learn Italian Football?

2009-07-07T12:52:00.002-04:00

Kudos to Oguchi Onyewu, American centerback who joins club AC Milan.

Hopefully he doesn't pick up any bad Italian habits:

When you just want to fit in and be a 'regular' guy...

2009-06-30T13:25:00.002-04:00

Choose Shit Box.

Remembering Michael Jackson

2009-06-29T17:23:00.004-04:00

I couldn't put it better than rapper-turned-actor Ice-T did (man, if I had a dollar for every time I said that ...):

No matter how tough you are, Michael Jackson will have the biggest gangster in the front row screaming like a bitch at his concert. That's about the best compliment you can give.

I would only add that I did have the pleasure of seeing Michael Jackson perform at Wembley Stadium in London, England in the summer of 1997. No shit. It was phenomenal. I doubt very seriously that he sung more than the odd line per song, if that, but it was hands down the greatest concert I have ever seen, bar none. And really, second place isn't even close.

Actually, you could argue it was not so much a musical performance as it was performance art. You tend to overlook the lack of live vocals due to the sheer spectacle unfolding before your eyes.

Trying to explain why Michael Jackson's death to our eight-year-old, Rodney "Warm Rod" Lincoln, Jr., has been a trip. Think about it - how do you explain the death of Michael Jackson to someone for whom Michael Jackson means absolutely nothing? The best I've been able to come up with is to have him imagine if Miley Ray Cyrus, the Jonas Brothers, and Zach and Cody (from the "Suite Life") all died.

But even that doesn't capture it adequately. One thing that has been interesting to read in all of the handwringing over MJ's passing is the racial bariers he broke down. I missed that on the first go round; and that has kind of blown my mind.

Off the Wall came out in 1979, a year in which I was riding big wheels, going to preschool, and otherwise living large. Thriller came out in late 1982, and dominated the charts and MTV for the next 18+ months. In this span, I rode a two-wheeler (sans training wheels) and completed first and second grade.

I don't have any concept of a pre-Michael Jackson world in which the barriers he broke down still existed. They say before Michael Jackson, MTV didn't play "black music." In hindsight, I say, "Well, I guess that explains why Culture Club got so much play back then." (alternate joke: "flash forward 30 years, and MTV isn't playing any "white music," either. They call that progress.").

Seriously, though, it is amazing to think about being among the first of an era who don't find anything unusual about the crossover appeal of a guy like Michael Jackson. Likely this is not as mindblowing as being in first grade the same year that schools were integrated in the 1950's. Still, it's interesting to have something that I always thought of as ordinary characterized as anything but.

I have been listening to what I guess was probably my second or third copy of Off the Wall (I seem to remember having a couple of cassettes back in the day), and I'll probably download Thriller from iTunes soon. I'm getting all caught up in the nostalgia.

I'm willing to overlook the wierdness and the allegations of what he did to young boys - I think those allegations smack of greed, opportunism, and extortion just enough to entitle MJ to he benefit of the doubt that he actually molested anyone. But it's a close call.

I am choosing to remember what all of Michael Jackson's music meant to me as a kid, when he was the biggest star in the universe. The years of 1979 - 1984 were good, happy years for the Hot Rod, and Michael Jackson supplied a healthy number of cuts to the soundtrack of that time. I couldn't get enough of his music and I wanted to know everything there was to know about him. By the time he jumped off the deep end in the late '80's, I had already moved on to other musical obsessions, but damned if Off the Wall and Thriller don't stand up to the test of time.

Had he been able to pull off his comeback shows in London, he would have slayed people. I would have purchased the DVD's. I would have been transported - magically - back to those great, carefree years, just as I was in 1997 in Wembley Stadium.

Wasn't meant to be, I guess. Our loss.

The only other thing I can think to say, and it should be said, is that obviously Michael Jackson was a deeply, deeply troubled soul. One can only hope he has found some peace now.

Your Tax Dollars "At Work"

2009-06-22T16:19:00.004-04:00

Someone at the US DOT Googled the term "show me your genitals" with a DOT computer.
Nani wants to hear your thoughts... What do you think?

Jeff Brantley Catches Thief "Reds" Handed

2009-06-20T14:49:00.008-04:00

While feasting on a full rack of dripping pork ribs and a basket of ketchup-soaked french fries during a recent June evening baseball broadcast, 45-year old Cincinnati Reds announcer Jeff "The Cowboy" Brantley suddenly feasted eagle eyes on Brandon Phillips, who was chomping on some pretzels at second base. The former Reds closer, cheeks specked with an unidentified-but-zesty-looking condiment dip, shouted, "Aha, I Gotcha!" from the Great American Ballpark radio booth so loudly, that 63% of the Reds radio audience tuning into 700 WLW temporarily went deaf.

The short-sleeve dresshirted Brantley, known for his love of eating food of virtually any variety so long as it's covered in something with the consistency of gravy or Montgomery Inn BBQ sauce, or literally doused with a mixture of the two, made haste from the booth to confront Phillips, who he believed to be playing a prank by stealing his pretzels.

Booth mate Marty Brennaman reported that Brantley was overheard yelling. "They think it's so damn funny when they take my snacks! I'll show 'em funny!" he shouted, with the belly of his shirt stained by some rogue grape jelly that had abandoned its English muffin while he was dining at Denny's that morning.

In the end, Phillips was left unassailed and safely remained in the game due to the half-dozen vendors that distracted The Cowboy on his way to the field. Brantley, having eaten every variety of Skyline chili, LaRosa's pizza, frosty malt and fried bologna sandwich, between the booth and the field, only to top it all off with a jumbo sized cotton candy and bucket of popcorn, was ultimately too content to care about his burgled pretzels.

Having returned to the booth where Brennaman wasn't sure if it was blood or BBQ inhabiting the corners of Brantley's mouth, the Cowboy sighed under his breath, "There's 162 games in the season and I'll have my day. Mr. Phillips, I'll see you in hell; though more likely I'll see you at the Montgomery Inn Boathouse."

Then inexplicably, The Cowboy murmured the word "smokin'," and fell sound asleep, his hand reaching for Marty's brattwurst with spicy mustard.

Native Northern Kentuckian Enjoys Onion Story about Brandon Phillips and Pretzels

2009-06-20T14:29:00.002-04:00

ATLANTA--A Native of northern Kentucky now living in Atlanta, Georgia, who grew up a diehard fan of the Cincinnati Reds, thoroughly enjoyed reading today's blurb in The Onion about Brandon Phillips eating Rold Gold pretzels while manning second base. Reached for comment, current Atlantan Nani J. Cootsack mused, "I liked the article about Brandon Phillips. I like BP, and I think he does just as well when he's packin' snacks. Although it gets a little wacky when he brings a cup of Kool-Aid out there too."

"It brought back memories of attending my Dad's softball games," the hungry 32-year old continued, "watching him pitch with a handful of pretzels in his glove hand and a can of Frito Lay's Mild Cheddar cheese dip in his back pocket. He ate the long thick pretzels though and usually would conceal them in his sock. He'd get so focused on eating pretzels and dip, that sometimes he'd forget the softball and serve up a watermelon in the form a puck-sized can of queso. Good thing his catcher wore a bib."
For reference, The Onion entry:

CINCINNATI—Claiming he just needed "a little something to nibble on," Reds second baseman Brandon Phillips brought out a glove full of miniature Rold Gold pretzels as a "between-pitches snack" during Tuesday night's game against the Braves. "Let's get 'em, guys," said Phillips, who perfectly timed his crunching with the crack of the bat to remove any suspicion. "Whattayasay now, infield! Let's turn two, let's, mmm, is that honey mustard?" Phillips was later marked with an error after scooping up a ground ball and accidentally showering shortstop Alex Gonzalez with a handful of pretzels while taking a bite out of the game ball.

ManBabies. Kind of creepy. Kind of funny.

2009-06-19T22:46:00.003-04:00

http://manbabies.com

PETA, this is why people hate you (continued)

2009-06-19T13:00:00.001-04:00

Even losers like Eric Cantor and John Boehner don't stretch this far to critize Obama.

Putting the "ASS" Back in "clASSy Tatoo"

2009-06-17T22:48:00.004-04:00

Nice!

UPDATE! This apparently references a pretty nasty film depicting some of the more, ahem, "creative" entries on urbandictionary.com. I must confess, I had no idea.

Holy Fuck: Look What Chrysler's Done!

2009-06-12T12:49:00.002-04:00

Last night I was listening to the radio. The NBA was on, though I didn’t care much. However, a Chrysler ad came one… I should say a “New Chrysler” ad came on and I knew the song playing the background… but couldn’t immediately place it. Turns out it was Holy Fuck’s “Lovely Allen,” which on its own is a nice song fitting for any seeking-to-inspire ad. But my first thought was: If you’re Chrysler, and you sell cars to old people and Michael Scott, how beneficial will it be when your target segment finds out you’ve partnered with what they’ll perceive to be a totally irreverent oxymoron. Actually, the Michael Scott crowd might think the band name rocks. Nevermind.

Quick search showed one other blogger had the same reaction as I did: http://stereogum.com/archives/commercial-appeal/holy-fuck-help-chrysler-build-a-new-car-company_069511.html

Wow. Project Natal for XBox 360

2009-06-11T10:14:00.002-04:00

This thing is so cool it made me forget that I find Jimmy Fallon incredibly annoying.

Bush's Legacy...

2009-06-11T10:02:00.001-04:00

From Andrew Sullivan:

The Aftermath Of Bush's Fiscal Vandalism

Shawn Tully worries about the coming debt crisis:

It can't go on forever, and it won't. What will shock America into action is the prospect of fiscal collapse, which will grow more vivid each year. In 2008 federal borrowing accounted for 41% of GDP, about the postwar average. By 2019 the burden will double to 82% by the CBO's reckoning, reaching $17.3 trillion, nearly triple last year's level. By that point $1 of every six the U.S. spends will go to interest, compared with one in 12 last year. The U.S. trajectory points to the area that medieval maps labeled "Here Lie Dragons." After 2019 the debt rises with no ceiling in sight, according to all major forecasts, driven by the growth of interest and entitlements. The Government Accountability Office estimates that if current policies continue, interest will absorb 30% of all revenues by 2040 and entitlements will consume the rest, leaving nothing for defense, education, or veterans' benefits.

To understand why a massive tax increase, probably a VAT, is the mostly likely outcome, it's crucial to look at what's driving the long-term, widening gap between revenues and spending.

Put simply, spending is following a steep upward curve, while revenues are basically fixed as a portion of GDP. Why? Because future spending is driven mostly by entitlements, which are programmed to rise far faster than national income, while revenues depend heavily on the personal income tax, which yields receipts that typically rise or fall with GDP. Under George W. Bush, the U.S. experienced a prelude to the crisis before us: Spending rose rapidly, while revenues remained reasonably flat. Bush created an expensive new entitlement, the Medicare drug benefit (cost this year: $63 billion), and let spending on domestic programs from education to veterans' benefits run wild. Over seven years the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq added a total of some $900 billion to the budget. All told, Bush raised spending from 18.5% to 21% of GDP, setting in motion a chronic budget gap by piling on new spending without paying for it.

Sullivan: The magnitude of the damage Bush did is still amazing. But when those tax increases come, they need to have his name attached to them. He made them inevitable; and deserves to go down in history for them.

Every stage has its props...

2009-06-08T15:17:00.001-04:00

Phoenix

2009-06-06T01:32:00.000-04:00

Check it. Great song. Great band.

Budweiser's Risky Ad

2009-06-05T13:43:00.001-04:00

See what In-Bev's loose European morals gets you????

Fox News is Insane (though this is not news, I suppose)

2009-06-05T13:39:00.000-04:00

http://www.thedailyshow.com/video/index.jhtml?videoId=229008&title=looking-for-comity-in-the

Show me your genitals...

2009-05-28T18:03:00.001-04:00

this could have been on the soundtrack for the film Idiocracy.

What’s Crappening Cincinnati – Volume 3 – Baseball Style

2009-05-20T19:30:00.004-04:00

Naïve Reds catcher, Ryan Hanigan, mysteriously filled his locker with Charmin Ultra Soft before the season began. “I came into this season hoping to be the Reds starting catcher,” explains Hanigan, “but when I heard Hernandez was signed I ran to the grocery store immediately.” Confused? Hanigan apparently took being named the Reds’ “number two catcher” too literally. “When Dusty told me I was going to be the ‘#2 catcher,’ I figured I’d be in for quite a messy season,” Hanigan, seen here chasing down a foul number 2 with TP in hand, tells the TTT. “Now that I know he just meant “backup catcher” I feel like a bit of a boob.”

(I must give credit for this article to my roommate, who stated, while I was watching Reds Live, “Number 2 catcher? That sounds like a terrible job.”)

I've now twice seen this trailer at the cinema and gotten chills both times...

2009-05-14T09:31:00.005-04:00

i don't know that i'll need to see the movie. just the trailer...

Awkward Family Photos

2009-05-13T14:56:00.002-04:00

Visit this site. It's funny.

Unreal Baseball from 1926: Klan vs. Jews

2009-05-11T12:41:00.004-04:00

From The Atlantic: "The results of the strangest baseball game ever are in, and unfortunately the Jews lost. Our only consolation is that we have a stronger lobby. And Kevin Youkilis."

What's Crappening, Cincinnati? Vol. 2

2009-05-06T17:34:00.006-04:00

By no means do I want to be pigeon-holed as the TTT's Poo beat writer, it's just, sadly, most of my creative brainstorms happen around this movement (oh yes, pun intended). I work at a large company and on my floor alone there are probably 30-40 men, also the lunch room is located on my floor, so, on a given day I'd say 50+ different people use "my" men's room. Our men's room consists of 2 urinals, 2 normal sized stalls, and 1 handicapped stall (aka the luxury stall). So, slim-pickin's.

I, like most people, am rather courteous about keeping public areas clean and neat; however, there are a few out there who subscribe to a different theory of just not caring. The sinks and urinals are kept clean...at least to my standards. The stalls, on the other hand, are not.

Here are my top work bathroom stall pet peeves:
1 - Don't leave toilet paper all over the ground. How does it even get there?
2 - Don't leave your newspapers, magazines or other periodicals in the stall. I don't know you, and I sure as hell don't want to handle what you were handling while you were doing what you were doing.
3 - Flush the toilet. Yes, I know it has an automatic flusher, but sometimes the auto-flush doesn't work...that's why they put a little button on there.
4 - This is the worst. When sanitary toilet seat covers are not available, I (as I assume most people do) create my own sanitary seat cover with toilet paper. However, once done with my "duty" (zing!, that's pun #2(and that's #3)) I dispose of the TP (or "sani-seat" cover) in the toilet, like most normal humans. My problem is....there is at least one person on my floor that leaves his homemade TP "sani-seat" on the toilet seat, as if the next person is going to come in and use it. Really? Isn't that it's original purpose, to protect you from others?

I think this rant sounded better in my head. Hope you enjoyed it though.

-F4ST out.

To all the TTT readers - sorry if this was too much.
To the TTT writers - feel free to delete this if you think its crap (#4)
To my mom - aren't you proud? And let me know what typos I made and I'll be sure to fix them.

Legend of the Sting 9

2009-05-06T12:14:00.001-04:00

Video highlights of the day 9 men held 11 at bay.

Final score: 1-1 (Liljian video guy missed out penalty)

Filipinos set to take over the U.K.

2009-05-04T16:30:00.011-04:00

In what was perhaps the most amazing display of ferocity I have ever witnessed in a boxing ring; Manny "Pacman" Pacquiao gobbled up Ricky "The Hitman" Hatton at the MGM Grand in Vegas on Saturday night. This was Hatton, supposedly at the top of his game, taking on the so-called "Pound for pound best fighter in the world." Well folks, I am here to tell you -- it's true. If there's a fighter on the planet who can beat Pacquaio, I'd sure like to meet him.

.Hatton taking a nap
.Pacquiao came out and knocked Hatton down twice in the first round, with a furious attack. Hatton was lucky to make it to his corner -- where a smiling Floyd Mayweather Sr. greeted him. It appeared Hatton might have some life in him fpr the second round after all, but Pacquiao leveled him with an overhand left to the jaw that was so brutal, so shocking, it sent Hatton to the canvas like the family Christmas tree being chopped down by the Griswolds. I looked at one of my buddies and said, "He just fucking killed him. Check his pulse. He's dead." Hatton was out cold for at least two to three minutes and at one point, had to be laid on his side so he could breathe properly. I love pugilism.

I have been an avid boxing fan since the early to mid-80s; following the incredible middleweight division with Sugar Ray, Marvelous Marvin and Thomas Hearns. My friends and I would regularly get together and rent pay per views when Tyson was smashing faces in during the late 80s. Even through boxing's lean times, I have remained a fan and continued to support it, while Don King has singlehandedly ruined the great sport. But, there's no greater spectacle than boxing, as it regularly brings out all the Hollywood types -- see photo: PDiddy, JayZ and British dude who hosted the MTV music awards.

Hatton's fiance, Jennifer Dooley (left in red), who is surpisingly hot for a Brit, wept uncontrollably as they brought Hatton's body bag out. I guess it was a bit inappropriate to read him his last rights in the ring. Not only did Dooley weep, but the 15,000 or so Brits in attendance, wept as well. They played their drums and sang mightily, but that only lasted about 6 minutes -- the time in which it took Pacman to finish off Hatton. It must really suck to wear your best prom dress to a fight and then have your makeup run down your face.

Chelsea winger Joe Cole (left), looked to be feeling quite well at the fight on Saturday night. He's been out of the Premiership lineup, as of late, but it looks like he's found a little tart to help him stay fit. Good for him.

the griswalds ended up in east st. louis...

2009-05-02T14:18:00.001-04:00

when those suckers asked me for directions, my boys played pit crew on their tires. now my Italian sports car is killin' on 24s

Posted via Pixelpipe.

For the record, Arlen Specter's cancer photo is the 3rd result in a Google Image search...

2009-04-30T11:33:00.007-04:00

The Enquirer reported today that Hamilton County Republican Party Chairman Alex Triantafilou, all in a tizzy over Arlen Specter's big party switch, made fun of Specter's lack of hair in a photo, comparing him to Dr. Evil from Austin Powers. Why was Specter bald? Because he was undergoing chemotherapy as part of cancer treatment. Here's the blog entry in question (right).

Triantafilou, typical of the hopefully-dying breed of insensitive GOP ding-dongs, defended himself by saying he just did a "Google photo" search (not sure who calls it "Google photo" search anyway), and that the bald image of Specter was the just the first image that popped up.

Interesting, because when I do a Google "photo" search, it's the third one that pops up. Oooooh, burn!Just another case of GOP ding-dongs trying to invent shit.

Shadowhare on the Prowl

2009-04-30T10:17:00.001-04:00

A Local Reacts to Clear Channel Cuts...

2009-04-29T09:33:00.002-04:00

Northern Kentucky resident and rock 'n' roll music aficionado BillyOceans11 had this reaction to the Clear Channel cuts

OK.....I was never a big Alan Cutler fan on 1530am but driving into work today and listening to some nationally syndicated show was the absolute worst. I know we are not the only market to take the Clear Channel hit on the chin, but seriously......we need local sports talk in this area, not Jim Rome.

So Alan Cutler is gone, Ctrent is gone (never had his show, but his blog was freaking awesome, Mo Egger is demoted to a fill in, and Lance McCallister's show changes depending on if the Reds have a day game or a night game.

For the record, I f'n hate the NBA and nothing will make me change the channel faster than hearing about pro basketball.

Hang in there Billy.

He's Not Freel-ing Baltimore Anymore

2009-04-28T21:47:00.005-04:00

Former Red Ryan Freel isn't happy in Baltimore.

Former Cincinnati teammates and fellow superheroes, Norris Hopper and Ryan Freel, go for a quick fly around Great American Ballpark before a 2008 game.

Maybe he's just pissed because they won't do a "Ryan Freel Dirty Shirt" promotion like they did in Cincinnati.

It's all downhill after a team creates a shirt that looks like a baby shit all over it. No wonder he's dissatisfied.

A Sad Day for Cincinnati Sports (and Cincy in general)

2009-04-28T17:48:00.006-04:00

As if everyday isn’t a sad day for Cincinnati Sports…..

In this day and age when everyone and their brother (including me and my brother) has a blog, there are only two blogs I consistently follow. One is the Tricky Trail Times, which, as a contributor, I am forced to follow. The other is C Trent Rosecrans’ blog. The latter, in it's 1530Homer.com state, is currently no more. Luckily C Trent can still be followed via Twitter and ctrentrosecrans.com

Today WLW and Clear Channel announced the layoffs of sports/beat writers/radio personalities C Trent Rosecrans, Paul Daugherty, and Alan Cutler. I don’t listen to the radio much, so I really can’t tell you much about Alan Cutler except for the fact that his nickname is “The Cutman” and most people I talk to find him annoying. As for Paul Daugherty, aka PDoc, I could go either way. Sometimes I like his columns, sometimes I don’t. As for C Trent, he will be missed.

Weeks after being named by the readers of CityBeat as Cincinnati’s favorite journalist, C Trent has been let go by his employer. Aside from reporting on the Bengals/Reds, his daily “Thinking Out Loud” blog entries are a smorgasbord of information. Besides being mostly compiled of sports quips, C Trent also presents his readers with insight into the local music scene, the latest iPhone apps, as well as other random pop culture happenings. He is the perfect blogger for Gen X and Y, but sadly those aren’t the people running WLW and Clear Channel. Hopefully C Trent will land on his feet somewhere and be appreciated for the great writer he is. For my sake, I hope he stays in Cincinnati. For his sake, as far as sports cities go, there are much better ones out there besides the 'nati. If his next job takes him away from Cincinnati, then, I wish him the best, his local reporting and prowess on the broomball rink will be missed.

I know the Tricky Trail will always keep a slot open for him.

Why He Ran For President

2009-04-28T13:40:00.003-04:00

Because how many rock stars from Arkansas do you know?

This has been the least political post about a President I have ever written.

KEXP on your iPhone...

2009-04-27T13:31:00.001-04:00

Hallelujah!

"One for Dinner, One for Midnight"

2009-04-27T09:13:00.005-04:00

Living in Atlanta, I have the displeasure of listening to the Braves radio guys on 96.1. They're the kind of guys, I think one of them is Don Sutton, right, who are so boring that I want to go and by some Nike sneakers and join Heaven's Gate. Here's an example of some painful commentary from Sunday's Reds/Braves game: "you know, too often, when we talk about catchers who are good at throwing out baserunners, we forget to talk about their footwork..." To paraphrase a favorite one-liner from Conway Bangs - open arse, insert chainsaw.

The Braves radio guys are like George Grande, if George Grande cloned himself and both he and his clone worked the same booth. That's how mindless they are.

Did I mention it was Sunday? It must have been because one of them led off the game by saying, "Now that you've have a nice time at church, you can enjoy some Atlanta Braves baseball." That's a bit presumptive, isn't it? Actually, I had a nice time at my soccer game, albeit torturous playing with 9 guys versus 11, but thank you very much, Mr. Sutton or cohort that reminds me of George Grande.

Now, simultaneously, here's some color commentary from The Cowboy Jeff Brantley and Thom Brennaman from the Reds side of the radio booth:

Cowboy and Thom Brennaman:

Q (Thom): Would you run in the Reds 5K?

A (Cowboy): No chance.

Q: Would you walk in the Reds 5K?

A: No chance. I might sit on the side and eat ribs . . . maybe give water.

Q: How many racks of ribs? One?

A: No. No. Two. Always two. One for dinner, one for midnight.

Who would you rather enjoy some baseball with?

joey kern standup

2009-04-23T12:53:00.001-04:00

Camaro gets a blowjob

2009-04-21T13:26:00.003-04:00

Eduardo delivered my 77 Camaro to Rudey's auto shop in the Edgewood neighborhood in ATL. He picked it up at the Insurance Auto Auction in Jonesboro. I paid him $60 cash. His wife works at the Auction where I bought it from the dude from Pineville, NC who bought it at auction from my insurance company who bought it from me when they paid off the theft claim a year and a half ago. The chain of ownership also included some old black guy in East DeKalb who had it sitting on his front yard the past two years, stolen, ragged out, sitting there. While Eduardo unloaded it from the tow truck some dude in dreds and a big white tshirt drove by in an 80's Chevy Caprice with 24" spinners and asked, you sellin it? No.
Rudy, who has hairiest ears you'll ever see, looked it over yesterday. Someone took out my 305 and put in a 350 but didn't replace everything they should have and busted the flywheel and some other stuff. Turns out the 350 they put in will be perfect for boring and rebuilding, so Rudy's pulling the engine and transmission, and rebuilding them. The engine goes to the machine shop to get blowed out next week. They will boil it too.

What's Crappening, Cincinnati?

2009-04-19T20:45:00.005-04:00

Here is the latest front page news from cincinnati.com. "We blew up what? -Oh poop!" Apparently the bomb squad blew up two cans of poop. I have nothing else to say about this.

The Brilliant Mind of One George Grande

2009-04-18T21:10:00.011-04:00

I think I have blogged about this before, but this one will be more in-depth. Baseball season is here again, which means our ears will once again be blessed by the eloquence of "Hi, Hello, and Welcome" George Grande (seen here wondering how he could use this piece of wood on Chris Welsh). If you are not from the Cincinnati area, or don't get Fox Sports Ohio/Cincinnati, then you may not know who this clown is. He is the play-by-play TV announcer for the Reds, and, quite simply, he is an absolute idiot and number one on my list of people I would like to punch in the face (even above Roethlisberger).

My plan for this year is to keep a journal of all the things he says that don't make sense or just flat out leave me dumbfounded and them send him the journal at the end of the year. We are only 10 games into the season and I have only watched 2 games in their entirety, so my sample size for this season is very small. Nonetheless, here are a few of his "go-to's." (Instead of logging them each time he says them I will just get these out of the way from the start.)

He constantly chuckles at his own "jokes" (most aren't actually jokes)
He introduces nearly every player that approaches the plate with "well, you all know his story"
He calls Chris Welsh's house "The Ponderosa" at least once a game
He says "Best Darn Sports Show" instead of "damn"
And (my least favorite) he says "hit good" instead of "hit well" on every ball that is hit somewhat deep into the outfield.

(I know there are many more, but I that is all I can think of at the moment).

So, regarding individual, non-staple statements, here is the start of my journal of George Grande quotes:

1-"Barbara Bush is truly one of America’s treasures."

2-"In the WBC (World Baseball Classic) Joey Votto, ironically, went home to Toronto to play for team Canada."

3-"Ironically, if that ball wouldn’t have hit Harang’s glove it would have been a double play." (This one I am not 100% on, but every time he says "ironically" I just assume it is not ironic).

4-(I have to set the scene first for this one, pulled singles through the hole between 3^rd and SS, a left-hander batter then came up and sliced the ball through the same hole>) “After the first two singles “Batter X” also went the other way with a single.”

Well, that's my first installment. For more information on the worst baseball announcer ever, you can visit his myspace page.

TTT Science Beat: Who knew worms could do more for humans than help 'em catch fish, parasites, or computer viruses?

2009-04-17T11:01:00.009-04:00

[Worms: now those are some cats with amazing phenotypes! Very elegans... Nani J. Cootsack]

Apr. 17, 2009

Emory Study Yields Clue to How Stem Cells Form

Beverly Clark

The reddish dots show DNA, and the green indicates the presence of the "erasing" enzyme in this dissected worm gonad.

An Emory University study shows some of the first direct evidence of a process required for epigenetic reprogramming between generations – a finding that could shed more light on the mechanisms of fertilization, stem-cell formation and cloning. The journal Cell published the results of the study on the nematode worm C. elegans in its April 17 issue.

"We believe that we have demonstrated one of the processes that erases the information in a fertilized egg, so that the offspring can begin life with a clean slate," says David Katz, lead author of the study. Katz is a post-doctoral fellow in the lab of William Kelly, associate professor of biology at Emory and a co-author of the study, and Action Jacksons utilityman.

"One of the most fundamental mysteries in biology is how a sperm and egg create a new organism. By looking at the process at the molecular level, we're gaining understanding of this basic question of life," Katz says.

When a sperm cell fertilizes an egg cell, the specialized programming of each parent cell must be erased, in order to form a zygote that can give rise to a new organism. The process by which these two differentiated cells return to a developmental ground state in the zygote – the ultimate stem cell – is little understood.

'An amazing phenotype'

The Emory researchers wanted to test the theory that removal of a particular histone protein modification involved in the packaging of DNA – dimethylation of histone H3 on lysine 4 – is involved in reprogramming the germ line.

They compared successive generations of a normal strain of C. elegans – a microscopic worm commonly used for studying cell differentiation – with a mutant strain. The mutants lacked an enzyme that test-tube experiments have previously shown appears to play an "erasing" role – demethylating histones to remove information from the packaging of DNA.

In the normal strain of the worms, the histone modification the Emory researchers had targeted was not passed on to the next generation, but in the mutant strain the modification continued through 30 generations, and each generation became progressively less fertile.

"That's an amazing phenotype," Katz says. "The organism gradually lost its ability to reproduce. We have shown that when this enzyme is missing, the worms can inherit the histone modification – not only from cell to cell, but from generation to generation."

When the researchers re-inserted the missing enzyme into the sterile generations of mutant worms, they were able to reverse the process: the worms no longer inherited the histone modification, and they regained fertility.

Showing inheritance of epigenetic event

For years, it's been accepted that histone proteins help coil six-foot strands of DNA into tight balls, compact enough to fit inside the nucleus of a cell. Histone modifications have also been known to correlate with gene expression. More recently, researchers have theorized that a chemical change in the histone packaging of DNA, known as an epigenetic event, can be passed on – just as genes themselves can be inherited.

"This study is one of the first demonstrations in a living organism that this theory may be true – that every generation can be affected by an epigenetic event," Kelly says.

"Our work provides some of the best, direct evidence that chemical modifications in the packaging of DNA can be inherited from cell to cell," Katz added. "That indicates that these chemical modifications are not just involved in packaging – they contain information."

Groundwork for stem-cell therapies

A better understanding of the role of histones, and the enzymes involved in their modification, could lead to therapies for everything from cancer to infertility. "Stem-cell therapies are an incredibly promising technology for treating any problem that has to do with defective cells," Katz says. "We're hoping that our work will help this technology to develop."

Additional authors on the Emory study were Matthew Edwards, a research specialist at Emory, and Valerie Reinke of Yale University School of Medicine.

Katz and his colleagues are now building on the results of the study, to see if a lack of the erasing enzyme shows a similar effect in mice.

###

The Results of Me Doing More Sit-Ups

2009-04-17T02:47:00.001-04:00

see more pwn and owned pictures

The Hypocrisy of the Teabaggers

2009-04-17T02:16:00.002-04:00

Matt Taibbi states the case:

[T]his teabag thing has really gotten out of control. It’s amazing, literally amazing to me, that it wasn’t until Obama pushed through a package containing a massive public works package and significant homeowner aid that conservatives took to the streets. In other words, it wasn’t until taxes turned into construction jobs and mortgage relief that working and middle-class Americans decided to protest. I didn’t see anyone on the street when we forked over billions of dollars to help JP Morgan Chase buy Bear Stearns. And I didn’t see anyone on the street when Hank Paulson forked over $45 more billion to help Bank of America buy Merrill Lynch, a company run at the time by one of the world’s biggest assholes, John Thain. Moreover I didn’t see any street protests when the government agreed to soak up hundreds of billions in “troubled assets” from Citigroup, a company that just months later would lend out a jet furnished with pillows upholstered with Hermes scarves to former chief Sandy Weill so that he could vacation in Mexico over Christmas.

...

We saw in the last five years how contractors in Iraq nakedly robbed money from the you and me, running phantom convoys across the desert (some companies called that transporting “sailboat fuel”), systematically risking human life and gouging the taxpayer more or less right out in the open. There was over $100 billion in sole-source, non-competitive contracts in Iraq in 2006; a House Committee identified just 50 contracts totalling more than $21 billion that require “scrutiny,” but not much has been recovered so far. Why did they get away with it? Because there is basically no serious enforcement mechanism, in the military or anywhere else, for preserving taxpayer money given to contractors. In Iraq, the military auditor, SIGIR, had about seventy men in the entire military theater at the time I was there. We just bailed out AIG to the tune of more than $160 billion; its primary auditor, the Office of Thrift Supervision, had exactly one insurance expert on its staff while AIG was falling apart. There were staff cuts at the SEC several times in the last ten years; in fact there was a crucial cut of the SEC budget in an $821 billion Omnibus spending bill at the tail end of 2003 (just in time for the housing bubble) that was packed with plenty of pork and, again, inspired no protests from Joe Sixpack.

Meanwhile the federal government has systematically expanded a whole ecosystem of contractor-handout programs, most of them with names the public has never heard of. How many people out there are aware of all the millions in grants given to fortune 500 companies over the years through the Advanced Technology Program (ATP), which basically subsidizes the R&D departments of already rich firms while allowing those same companies to keep the benefits of those innovations? How about the nearly $5 billion in loan guarantees given to Boeing over the years through the Ex-Im Bank? How about the Foreign Military Financing Program, which gives millions of dollars to dozens of foreign countries every year so that they can buy American-made weapons?

Or how about the four or five billion dollars we spent annually for the last decade or so on Federal Housing Authority subsidies? Well, actually, the teabaggers probably would get riled up about those programs, which subsidize mortgage loans to low-income homeowners. The one constant in teabagger outrage is that the whatever wasteful government program they’re freaking out about has to benefit some poor slob, or else they usually don’t give a shit.

The whole Taibbi post is worth a read, especially the part where he imagines teabagging Michelle Malkin.

The white Flo Rida

2009-04-14T08:58:00.000-04:00

anthropomorphizing bovine

2009-04-14T07:27:00.002-04:00

phor Conway

didn't phish have a song about llamas?

For Those Seeking Spiritual Clarity

2009-04-12T19:30:00.002-04:00

... uh maybe best to skip this piece by Matt Taibbi:

The one thing I wonder about is this notion that somehow religions are “more realistic” because they teach children that people are bad. First of all, I don’t think this is really what religions do. In my experience, religion taught something very different: that because two half-naked people with leaves over their genitals named Adam and Eve ate an apple in paradise a billion years ago, I, Matt Taibbi, was somehow a sinner and doomed to roast in the hot flames of hell for a billion years unless I accepted God’s authority. Which was not “realistic” at all, I don’t think, but completely retarded on about nineteen different levels. Moreover, you teach any normal kid the Bible and what he’s going to get from it is not a “realistic” view of the world but a disturbing series of questions to ponder. Like for instance, what does it mean when my own parents tell me, with a straight face, a story about God asking Abraham to sacrifice his only son? You’re a little kid, listening at bedtime in your pee-jays to the story, expecting that Abraham is going to tell God to go fuck himself because he loves his children so much, and be rewarded for doing so. Instead it’s exactly the opposite, the father in the story is rewarded for being willing to carve his innocent son up with a knife, the moral of the story somehow being not that God is an insane murderous psychopath, but that God is just and wise and should be obeyed. When the story is over, Dad tucks you in to bed and says he’ll see you in the morning. Now that’s realism for you.

Happy Easter!

Happy Good Friday

2009-04-10T16:45:00.003-04:00

Tackling the Cruelty of the Pet Shop Boys

2009-04-10T10:14:00.001-04:00

PETA, this is why people hate you.

What do we really know? [my visit to the Creation Museum in Northern Kentucky]

2009-03-28T02:00:00.002-04:00

let's find out...

A letter from T Rex to the Galatians

T-Rex belched in my face... and it was good.

I hadn't either. Wow, this kid is no dummy.

Dad explains trilobites, Bible style.

Popularity: temporary. A concept that doesn't compute with the Nani.

"Whatever! I'll do what I want." --eric cartman

collage of all wrong with world 1

collage of all wrong with world 2

collage of all wrong with the world 1

Bitches. People of all shapes & sizes learn how the Fall of Man was woman's fault.

This video display showed a fallen member of the modern world rolling a joint and then getting on the Internet. Oh the humanity.

Am I the only one who sees a Chicago Cubs emblem in here?

After eating the forbidden fruit, Adam and Eve were visited by E.T.

my wife and I shed our garb and hopped into a display

Noah, how could you save the dinosaurs and not us!?

Mennonite parents approve of this entertainment

Huh! I didn't know this. How wonderful.

Come to think of it, we may still be living with dinosaurs. The ones in this picture are finding out how Noah was able to fit all their dinosaur ancestors on the Ark. Great work, Noah!

The Celebration Got A Little Out of Control ....

2009-03-25T17:48:00.002-04:00

His Syracuse teammates rush to give Eric Devendorf a Rusty Trombone:

If that's what he got for the shot that didn't win the game, I wonder what his teammates did after the 6-overtime victory?

what is this?

2009-03-24T22:36:00.001-04:00

Posted via Pixelpipe.

Quote of the Day

2009-03-23T09:31:00.001-04:00

Dick Polman:

I can’t fathom the new Republican hue and cry about how Barack Obama is supposedly trying to “Europeanize” the U.S.A.

Think about it: If they couldn’t successfully discredit his ’08 candidacy by linking him to our terrorist enemies, how can they possibly discredit his ’09 domestic agenda by linking him to our friends?

1977 Camaro stolen AGAIN

2009-03-19T14:24:00.002-04:00

Yes, it has been stolen from me twice, my beautiful rust colored 1977 Camaro LT with a small block 305 v8 and a 3500 turbo transmission.

And this time it was stolen by my insurance company.

A Good Day for Edgeweeds

2009-03-19T11:55:00.002-04:00

Yesterday I received this missive from Edgeweeds, who's lamented the loss of his cougar magnet for nearly three years.

CAMARO RECOVERED.

Here is a picture of my rust colored 1977 Camaro LT sitting in the impound lot. Having it towed to mechanic tomorrow. Was stolen in October 2006.

Congrats, Edgeweeds, at least until Stealing Larry takes it from you again.

Quote of the Day

2009-03-18T14:29:00.002-04:00

Peter Travers of Rolling Stone reviewing "The Last House on the Left":

Ten minutes into this puke-slick remake of Wes Craven's infamous 1972 revenge classic on rape, torture and murder, I knew this crapathon would give Watchmen a run for its money as this weekend's top box-office bell ringer. Such is the debased state of American moviegoing barely three months into the new year, a time when profits soar and taste sinks to sewage levels.

Sheesh. Bitter much?

English Football Pep Talk

2009-03-13T16:42:00.001-04:00

Random Chinese Secrets

2009-03-13T12:41:00.004-04:00

My co-worker translates: "run, etcetera, sorry, woods, ball," and "run" is repeated at the bottom though was cropped out of the photo. She says that the whole restaurant is filled with nonsense; I guess you don't need to make any sense when decorating a Chinese restaurant in America.

Posted via Pixelpipe.

Stewart lunges, Cramer cowers

2009-03-13T09:47:00.001-04:00

The Daily Show With Jon StewartM - Th 11p / 10c

Intro - Brawl Street: Get Read to Buy Low! And Sell Die

Daily Show Full Episodes
Important Things w/ Demetri Martin

Political Humor
Jim Cramer

Andrew Sullivan has a GREAT recap:

I watched the Daily Show with growing shock last night. Did you expect that? I expected a jolly and ultimately congenial discussion, after some banter. What Cramer walked into was an ambush of anger. He crumbled from the beginning. From then on, with the almost cruel broadcasting of his earlier glorifying of financial high-jinks, you almost had to look away. This was, in my view, a real cultural moment. It was a storming of the Bastille. It was, as Fallows notes, journalism.

logo for Nani's Third Annual Sausage Party Circle Jerk

2009-03-12T16:31:00.002-04:00

Having a sixth sense might just bring me back to blogging...

2009-03-12T11:56:00.000-04:00

Tom Brady, "I will crush you in my house of destruction"

2009-03-12T11:42:00.002-04:00

See amusing Dhani Jones video here.

Why I blog less, why is this person repeatedly "friending" me, and why would anyone find Wordle useful?

2009-03-12T10:44:00.007-04:00

Why, I am blogging less.

And

Here's why I am blogging less. Several reasons:

iPhone - I don't need to get out that bulky laptop to be online (remember when that sleek laptop kept us from having to use our bulky desktops?)
The election is over, the hot topic has passed, and the new one, the financial crisis, isn't something I'm qualified to write about - maybe our resident banking expert, Freddy 4th St., can pick up the slack
The economy - even though I think I'm pretty secure at work, I have the schizophrenic feeling that I could be fired at any moment. Hence, must prove worth by busting arse.
Work - been busy.

Mostly though, it's been the iPhone; and I don't see myself typing out big ol' entries with that contraption.

On to another topic: Facebook.

Why, is this person "friending" me for the third time?

Yes, this is correct.

Why is this person "friending me for the third time? Honestly, I'd like to know, but to do so would probably require accepting the "friend" whom I don't ever actually remember speaking to in my life... the person is a childhood schoolmate with whom I don't ever remember hanging out. It is really strange. Is this some kind of automated request thing? I don't get it.

Finally, something I find completely useless: Wordle.This "work of art" was generated by Wordle based on the content at this blog. I find it to be a piece of shite and not representative of the blog. Nice try, Wordle.

What do you think?

Jon Stewart Takes Down CNBC

2009-03-05T22:20:00.001-05:00

Brilliant.

The Daily Show With Jon StewartM - Th 11p / 10c

CNBC Gives Financial Advice

Daily Show Full Episodes
Important Things With Demetri Martin

Political Humor
Joke of the Day

2009-03-02T10:15:00.001-05:00

blitzen trapper
next stop: cincinnati

blitzen trapper
Brooklyn

Posted via Pixelpipe.

Uh-Huh-Huh-Huh - He Said Stimulus

2009-02-25T12:30:00.003-05:00

(John) Boehner and Butthead?

Paul Krugman says Republicans have become the party of Beavis and Butthead (I thought this happened at about the same time as Palin-mania engulfed the radical right):

leaving aside the chutzpah of casting the failure of his own party’s governance as proof that government can’t work, does [Jindal] really think that the response to natural disasters like Katrina is best undertaken by uncoordinated private action? Hey, why bother having an army? Let’s just rely on self-defense by armed citizens.

The intellectual incoherence is stunning. Basically, the political philosophy of the GOP right now seems to consist of snickering at stuff that they think sounds funny. The party of ideas has become the party of Beavis and Butthead.

space mountain or crack house?

2009-02-21T01:32:00.001-05:00

you decide

Posted via Pixelpipe.

space mountain or rocky mountains?

2009-02-21T00:50:00.001-05:00

you decide

Posted via Pixelpipe.

deez nuts are...

2009-02-20T10:10:00.002-05:00

Posted via Pixelpipe.

Chicago O'Hare or Space Mountain?

2009-02-20T10:02:00.002-05:00

you decide

Posted via Pixelpipe.

News of the weird

2009-02-20T00:04:00.003-05:00

You're probably not having as bad a day as this guy...

As a young child I remember vividly my Mom telling me, "Honey, you can have a puppy... or a parakeet... or a 265lb giant python." Sadly, I chose the puppy.

And just when you thought you'd seen everything...

Die Ken Griffey, die.

2009-02-18T20:46:00.001-05:00

Well... "The Kid" turned his back on the Braves. I suppose I couldn't have jinxed this any more than I did. Wow. I hope he steps off the plane in Seattle and breaks his neck. Bitter I am.

Braves sign "The Kid"

2009-02-17T15:51:00.005-05:00

I'm excited. Maybe I shouldn't be. But I am. "Junior" is coming to the ATL. No... not the NASCAR "he was driving like an idiot" Junior. The one with the lifetime .547 slugging percentage Junior. The one who started wearing his hat backwards before it was cool. That one.

Now I realize he's not going to give the Braves anything close to 162 games. But, if he can protect Chipper and be somewhat productive, I think this is a great fit for the Braves (and he comes cheap) -- not to mention, this could add a few years to Griffey's playing career since Bobby plans on platooning him anyway.

I realize Junior was, by some standards, a bust in Cincy. He only hit over 30 bombs twice in nine seasons, batted over .300 once and missed part of every season as a Redstocking, but I still feel like this is a GREAT signing for the Bravos. We have to keep pace with the Phils and Mets and their fat wallets.

I own 20 or so of the Ken Griffey Upper Deck rookie cards. I collected millions of cards as a kid and they've been in the attic ever since. At the time, this one and Mark McGwire's '85 rookie were the most valuable of them all (although I bought about 100 of Mike Greenwell's rookie too -- argh). But, Griffey's was always one of my most cherished. It was the first year of Upper Deck cards and at times, this card has been worth up to $300 a piece. Major Baseball has fallen on hard times though, and with the fallout of the economy, this card is only fetching $20 or so on ebay. So, maybe I won't sell them now.

Maybe I'll go home and pull it out of the plastic sheets tonight and stare at it. Ken Griffey is an Atlanta Brave. And I'm pretty pleased.

Why, God??!! Why??!!

2009-02-17T08:16:00.002-05:00

The Bengals have franchised kicker, Shayne Graham.

Unbelievable.

Local Man Convinced He Could Write for "The Onion"

2009-02-15T10:21:00.003-05:00

Reached for comment, Nani J. Cootsack stated plainly, "Leave me alone. Who are you? I never said that! Someone call security."

Jerry Jones looking for new Center (of attention)

2009-02-14T23:29:00.003-05:00

DALLAS, TX - Just when Dallas Cowboys fans thought next season's prospects couldn't get any brighter (see: new Texas Stadium's pork-laden $1B budget, the waiving of PacMan "I make it rain" Jones, Terrell Owens MVP in the NBA Celebrity Basketball game and Tony Romo's incredible 0-2 playoff record and collapsing shower routine), it looks as though things are really starting to look up for the 2009 season.

From the platform of his oil rig in the middle of the Gulf of Mexico, Cowboys Owner/GM/CEO/CFO/Partner/Offensive Coordinator/Counselor Jerry Jones said today in a press conference that Tony Romo's country crooning girlfriend, Jessica Simpson, will now be vying for the recently vacated center position on the Cowboys offensive line. Jones explained, "Jessica has been an integral part in our team's success the last few seasons. She and Tony have really worked hard on drawing up new plays in the sand on their trips to Mexico and the Caribbean during the season. Contrary to media reports (and Terrell Owens assertion), Tony and Jason Witten did not meet secretly to draw up new dynamic plays; it was always Tony and Jessica." Jones continued, "There's no question Mrs. Simpson was instrumental in helping lead us to our third place finish in the NFC East. We would have clearly been a 4-12 or 5-11 team, at best, without her."

While Jessica Simpson doesn't technically have any football background, she has been preparing for the rigors of the offensive line diligently, as evidenced by her new frame. Speaking recently after opening for Billy Ray Cyrus in Nashville, from the Gaylord Entertainment Center, "Tony and I go to Cici's Pizza before and after all my shows. Endless pizza buffet and gooey cinnamon rolls are part of our strategery. We feel if I am to get to 300lbs by training camp, I need to get serious and start eating right." Starting Cowboy QB and boyfriend Tony Romo, feels she's just what the Cowboys need, "Jess was held back by that swishy 'Boys 2 Men' Cincinnati-guy (Nick Lachey) all those years and now I have enabled her to flourish, adding 50lbs of pure fat in a mere two months." Romo added, "People don't realize I am from Wisconsin originally and I like my women with more meat on their bones. Who wants a bulimic, model of a girlfriend? Nuh-uh. Not me."

Jessica says she can't wait to start working out, training and EVEN showering with the Cowboys. Laughing hysterically Simpson said, "I think T.O. is definitely the most well-hung Cowboy. I mean, look at his hands for God's sake. They look like catchers mitts. Sorry Dad, you still have the biggest white penis I've ever seen though... err... oops."

And while Romo is eager for his bucksome blonde to hit the field, he warned that , "No other guy's going to be taking snaps from Jessica. Brad Johnson's already been saying he's going to rub a soft erection against her. Mr. Jones has already promised me that won't happen." Cowboys coach Wade Phillips was unavailable for comment for this story, apparently vacationing with his secretary in the beautiful south of Texas.

2009-02-11T19:21:00.003-05:00

front row...ridiculous.

Posted via Pixelpipe.

2009-02-11T19:02:00.001-05:00

Posted via Pixelpipe.

gearing up for US-Mexico.

2009-02-11T14:29:00.001-05:00

freddy sporting the old school umbro US warmup top...a gift from nano.

Posted via Pixelpipe.

2009 Grammys Random Notes from the Hot Rod

2009-02-09T09:04:00.007-05:00

I hate the Grammys; I really do. I would not have watched except for the fact that the Hot Rodette had it on when I came into the room. I loved the Radiohead performance, and I was actually happy to see Robert Plant do so well. But otherwise, I did nothing but bitch the whole time about what a complete bullshit-fest the Grammys are.

My thoughts in more detail:

1. Should be called the "Who-Caresies?" Runner-up name: the "So-Whatsies?"

2. When I walked into the room, Miley Ray Cyrus and Taylor Swift were performing. Actually, I didn't know that was Taylor Swift until I read it in Rolling Stone this morning. That was followed by Stevie Wonder debasing himself by appearing with the Jonas Brothers. The Jonas Brothers cannot hold Stevie Wonder's jock. Stevie needs to implement a rule: "I will not appear on stage with any musician who is incapable of holding my jock, period. No exceptions."

I think I'm gonna hurl...

3. I used to like Coldplay. A lot. What has happened? I don't know.... maybe a totally shitty third album and a hopelessly mediocre fourth? Yep.

4. Jack Black's intro on Paul McCartney .... hilarious.

5. Kanye, Jay-Z, T.I., and Lil Wayne (did you follow that - almost turned into a spelling bee in the middle) performing together one one stage. Described as a "Hip Hop Summit." That, if I'm not mistaken, is what used to be called an "East-Coast / West-Coast rap war."

6. M.I.A., who I don't think I've ever heard of, what the hell were you wearing? Twenty years from now, if not less, her unborn child is going to be appalled that s/he was indirectly wearing that get-up in public.

An instance where words simply fail.

7. I so should have live-blogged the Grammys.

8. The singer, Adele: how did I ever miss her? I'm serious, she's as big as a house, how did I miss her?

9. OK, that was a cheap shot, but in my defense, it is more creative and original, barely, than taking a shot at Jessica Simpson. Further in my defense, Dave Grohl looked really fat too.

The giant mass behind the drum kit is, believe it or not, the Foo Fighters' Dave Grohl.

10. Radiohead with the USC marching band.... wait, is it really Radiohead if only Thom Yorke and Jonny Greenwood show up? I wonder of the other three guys just said "Fuck the Grammys" and stayed home.

11. Radiohead, Pt.2: how awesome would it be to he in the marching band at Southern Cal? Who's laughing at the band camp geeks now?

12. Katy Perry. The joke tells itself.

13. On a serious note, Jennifer Hudson's performance was very moving. Poor girl's been through a lot.

14. Don't tell anyone, but I kinda liked that song Kanye performed with Estelle (again, had to look her up - no idea who she was).

15. Re: The Four Tops tribute .... this weekend, I happened to catch a documentary on The Funk Brothers, which were the studio musicians who played on I guess all or nearly all of the 1960's Motown records. In a word, Awesome. Check it out if you ever get a chance. I saw it on HDNet Movies. Website here.

16. After being announced as the winner (with Alison Krauss) for Album of the Year by Green Day, ex-Led Zeppelin frontman, Robert Plant, said, "In the old days we would have called this selling out." Was the irony lost on anyone that Green Day presented the award?

17. Yes, Conway, I am aware that Alison Krauss appears on a Phish album.

18. After turning the channel to E! to watch the Girls Next Door, I learned Chris Brown allegedly beat up Rihana, explaining why neither can performed at the Grammys. Finally, the practice of the Thug Life benefits the Hot Rod!!

19. Chris Brown, Pt. 2: No shit, the Hot Rodette actually asked "where's Chris Brown?" during the show without knowing this. She has like 5 Chris Brown songs on her iPod and I never miss an opportunity to tell her what a crime this is.

20. Chris Brown, Pt. 3: Will this alleged incident be the greatest alleged career move of Chris Brown's alleged life? My money's on YES.

Area Man Shocked to Learn He'll Spend Ten Days of His Life Untangling Earbuds

2009-01-30T20:16:00.004-05:00

Rabbit Hash, Ky. -- A local man is reeling after sitting down, doing the math, and estimating that he will spend 10.4 days over the course of his life untangling the earbuds that connect to his personal music player, that is, if the white thingamajigs don't strangle him first.

Nani J. Cootsack, while dismayed at the loss of this precious time, restored his spirit by rationalizing that by dismantling the wiry snafus for approximately 1 minute of each day for the next 50 years, he would also sharpen his mind tremendously.

Defenseless "End" [Alternate Headline: Please, Do Call Me "Shirley"]

2009-01-30T08:58:00.009-05:00

According to Bengals Head Coach Marvin Lewis' latest interview with C. Trent Rosecrans, Bengals' defensive lineman Jason Shirley may have a rather enormous anus:

"Fifth round was (Jason) Shirley, not as much as we’d hoped to get but I think he now understands what NFL football is...;" "...Mike Zimmer and Jay climbed up his butt every day, every week. He understands what’s ahead for him and he’s got to have a great off-season. Maybe we hit a home run there. That would be big."

Damn, that would be "big," Marvin, especially with with Zimmer and the Jay fellow making it all the way to home with Shirley, "every day, every week." I mean, that's more than a homerun, that's like the homerun title. Henceforth, I might describe Shirley, who wears a face-shield to hide embarrassing grimaces from Coach Zimmer's training techniques, as, say, cavernous.

Shirley, right, is seen adjusting his pants after "Jay" had just showed him a "stunt."

Good Neighbor

2009-01-28T10:44:00.001-05:00

My neighbor across the street is renovating his house.

The Mayor Steps Down

2009-01-26T12:26:00.003-05:00

I've been away from the blog too long as I have been readying myself for the oncoming apocolypse that my fellow Kentuckians assure me is coming now that we've elected Barack Obama as PUSA. I peaked out from the bomb shelter long enough to hear the news that Sean Casey, the Mayor, has retired from baseball.

When I look back on my friendship with Nani, one of the discussions I remember us having is Sean Casey v. Mark Grace. It infuriated him to no end that I would call Casey a "poor man's Mark Grace". In actuality, they were about the same. Although Grace was a much better glove man. Just go to this awesome baseball site and you will notice that neither hit for average or drove in a lot of RBIs. They both were .300 batters who stretched a lot of triples into doubles and doubles into singles. Nothing that great, but better than average.

What each had going for them was a big personality that made them valuable in the clubhouse and popular in the stands. Baseball is a game where the past is just as important as the present and these two guys were the type of players that could be appreciated by fans of all ages.

So, farewell Mayor. Good luck in your new job at the MLB Network where you can swap stories about the old days with fellow Red Barry Larkin.

I expect Nani to begin the "Sean Casey for the Hall of Fame" blog any day now. That is unless President Obama has shut down the Hall of Fame because he hates America. That could really happen. Rush told me so!

The Best Case for Why Our Fantasy Football League Should Have Been Named, "Marvin Harrison's Rifle Brigade."

2009-01-20T14:06:00.002-05:00

This passage from this article:

When police paid a follow-up visit to Chuckie's, they found Harrison sitting in a beach chair near a cardboard cutout of himself in a Colts uniform. They asked if there were any guns on the premises, and to their surprise Harrison lifted the leg of his jeans to reveal a registered .22-caliber handgun strapped to his ankle. Soon after, a man whom Harrison called his stepfather handed over the Belgian pistol, fully loaded.

While the calm raising of the leg of his jeans to reveal his piece certainly captures the cool, gangsta factor, what really gets me is that Harrison pulls off this "Joe Cool" routine while sitting in a beach chair next to a cardboard cut out of himself in uniform. How surreal is that?

Ask any cop when was the last time he approached a suspect for questioning only to find the suspect relaxing next to a lifesized, cardboard-backed picture of himself. My guess: not anytime in the recent past.

Proud to Be an American? (updated w/ comments)

2009-01-19T08:56:00.009-05:00

Now I know I live in Kentucky, but for some reason I thought I was far enough North, apparently not.

While walking out to my car yesterday I noticed my next door neighbor's flag was upside down. It was a bit windy, so I just chalked it up to that. When I came home later I took a second look from inside my house and was shocked to see that it was actually hung that way.

My neighbor is an older man, probably in his late 60's or early 70's and I am fully aware that we have opposing political beliefs. I was unaware just how different they were until yesterday when I caught him in the back yard taking out his trash.

Here's a brief recap of the conversation...

me: "So, what's with that?"
him: "What's with what?"
me: "Your flag."
him: "I guess you're not a Jarhead."
me: "Uh, nope, more of a Deadhead."
him: "We're in distress."
me: "Over what?"
him: "Come January 22nd he's going to send us all down the river."
me: "Really?"
him: "Yeah, and you know something else he's not a real nigger. He was born in Kenya."
me: "How would he get this far if he wasn't an American citizen?"
him: "Where was he five years ago? I'll tell you where... selling insurance."
me: "I did not know that. Well, it's the Lord's day we probably shouldn't be discussing politics anyways."
him: "It's only the Lord's day from 8am till noon."
me: "When it comes down to it though we're all still on the same team."
him: (undiscernible grumbling)
me: "It's cold, I'm going in."

So there you have it. The eve of the inauguration of the first black president just so happens to coincide with MLK day. As many of us begin to look forward to a future full of hope and innovation, some still can't get out of the past. I can only pray that as we turn this corner, the end of ignorance and racism will draw nearer. The last loud groan from the last of the dinosaurs as he crashes to the earth.

I'll never be able to change my neighbor's mind and don't plan on trying. There's a lot of work to be done over the next four years. I'll be busy, as many of us will, working toward uniting not only our country, but the world in one common goal, creating a better tomorrow for those that come after us.

History is happening right in front of your eyes. Now is the time to stand together and take part.

God bless America!

...................................
comments

"that is redick....i live in So dak and some of the shit you hear people say is just so juvenile and redneck"

"People like that are just scum of the earth. Seriously, his issues are far beyond political. You almost have to feel sorry for somebody that has such a miserable life that they spew that crap and actually believe it. Ignorance is bliss I suppose."

"i use to stick edge my neighbors house across the street because it looked like shit and he did not have the means to do it. he always thanked me and waved when whenever he would see me outside. after i posted an obama sign in my yard during the election he stopped talking and waving."

"Probs the same type of asshole that would call me unpatriotic because I didn't support bush or the war. Wow."

"i know wayyyy too many people who feel the same way."

"The "uber patriotic" religious/militant racist is a really strange archetype. I mean everyone's a hypocrite but how do these folks look themselves in the mirror daily without realizing how contradictory their entire belief system is?"

"omg...this saddens me to no end.
Compassion is a word that came far too late to the english/american lexicon."

"this country has come along way since MLK but still has a long way to go."

"What ever happened to 'love it or leave it'?
I guess that doesn't apply here."

"You should of just told him to support Obama's white half."

John Oates died for our sins? I always thought it had been Chris Sabo

2009-01-16T23:06:00.002-05:00

Posted via Pixelpipe.

space mountain or Detroit airport?

2009-01-16T11:48:00.004-05:00

To Honor the 54-point performance last night by Jodie Meeks...

2009-01-14T11:55:00.001-05:00

I give you another incredible performance by a 'Cat of yesteryear: Kenny "Sky" Walker vs. a Horse

Perfect Economic Analysis of TJ Maxx Provided by The Onion

2009-01-13T12:43:00.004-05:00

The Onion spits out a classic on TJ Maxx:

Difficult To Tell If T.J. Maxx Hit Hard By Recession

January 12, 2009 | Issue 45•03

T.J. Maxx's semi-annual or going-out-of-business sale.

CHICAGO—While a majority of the nation's top retailers have reported a decided slump in 2008, economists studying the declining consumer markets are still unable to determine if discount clothing store T.J. Maxx has been affected by widespread recession.

Financial analysts, observing more than 100 locations nationwide, cited large quantities of off-brand and wildly scattered merchandise as evidence that T.J. Maxx has either been devastated by the economic downturn, or is carrying on as usual in spite of it.

"The state of this store does not in any way correspond to our standard criteria for judging long-term viability," said economist Graham Stinson, referring to Chicago's Fullerton Avenue branch, where more than half of the fluorescent lights are burnt out. "For instance, the canvas bins heaped with broken stemware in aisle six may be a sign that T.J. Maxx is on the verge of complete bankruptcy. Either that, or it's doing perfectly fine. It's impossible to say which."

Further evidence of T.J. Maxx's imminent foreclosure or, possibly, its wholly unaffected condition, included reports of shoppers rummaging through barrels of lamps up to their shoulders, multiple sightings of bras stuffed into children's shoes, the impromptu sale of in-store display cases for cash, and an excess of golf-based giftware.

Although economists were able to make firsthand observations of customers rifling through overturned clothing racks, their requests to analyze the company's financial records were met with confusion. Stinson and his team were eventually provided with a water-stained folder of handwritten receipts, but failed to make use of most of the data due to its ripped, soiled, and often indecipherable state.

Compiled interviews with customers also provided little insight. Many reported seeing "Cash Only, No Refunds" signs posted in every store and recalled having to climb over sacks of winter coats to reach clearance bins of mix-and-match earrings, leading economists to believe that the discount chain may be suffering after all.

"They must be doing really badly if they're selling this crap really cheap," said Lake Forest, IL resident Brian Crowe, carrying an armful of L.A. Gear sneakers to his car. "You've got to take advantage before this place shuts its doors for good."

Others, however, see T.J. Maxx poised to have a very lucrative year in 2009.

"That place must be doing pretty well," frequent customer Mark Rankin said. "I just saw some guy walking around with an armful of L.A. Gear sneakers."

With only one checkout lane remaining in most stores, some financial experts speculate that the retailer can no longer afford to employ workers. A two-week study of a Cleveland-area location did, however, turn up some minor evidence of a workforce, including the sighting of three folded shirts and a number of individuals smoking and playing Uno in the break room.

"Our analysis of T.J. Maxx's workforce was inconclusive, as we were never totally sure anyone was actually employed there," economist Libby Archer said. "Although, I suppose the lack of a distinct uniform could be a sign that they're doing well enough to move to a more upscale, boutique-type image for the store. That woman I saw drop a load of 20 sweaters onto a table of hats might have been the lead salesgirl."

"She did tell me to get the fuck out of her way," Archer added.

Economists were, however, able to locate a single store manager after months of searching. James Boucher, who runs the domestic department of the Smyrna, GA location, was found weeping in the middle of a sock aisle and was unable to comment on the store's current financial status—a sign that may suggest the overall mood at T.J. Maxx is more dire than previously thought.

"Oh, Jim is crying all the time," said possible coworker Anita Rouse. "He's been breaking down in tears once a day since he started here nine years ago."

The Tricky Trail Times

USA!!!!!!

Pete Rose Sings

Cox calls for gusher!

The Ballad of G.I. Joe

The Answer to 'Numb Baseball'

Blitzen Trapper: Black River Killer

Things Dads Like, Vol. 2

Triumph at Bonnaroo

Things Dads Like, (An ongoing series?).

Stuff White Christians Like

The Sarah Palin Files, Pt. 74

Can I Get a Witness?

what a goal

The Sarah Palin Files, Pt. 73? "The Governor Needed a Break..."

Onyewu to Learn Italian Football?

When you just want to fit in and be a 'regular' guy...

Remembering Michael Jackson

Your Tax Dollars "At Work"

Jeff Brantley Catches Thief "Reds" Handed

Native Northern Kentuckian Enjoys Onion Story about Brandon Phillips and Pretzels

ManBabies. Kind of creepy. Kind of funny.

PETA, this is why people hate you (continued)

Putting the "ASS" Back in "clASSy Tatoo"

Holy Fuck: Look What Chrysler's Done!

Wow. Project Natal for XBox 360

Bush's Legacy...

Every stage has its props...

Phoenix

Budweiser's Risky Ad

Fox News is Insane (though this is not news, I suppose)

Show me your genitals...

What’s Crappening Cincinnati – Volume 3 – Baseball Style

I've now twice seen this trailer at the cinema and gotten chills both times...

Awkward Family Photos

Unreal Baseball from 1926: Klan vs. Jews

What's Crappening, Cincinnati? Vol. 2

Legend of the Sting 9

Filipinos set to take over the U.K.

the griswalds ended up in east st. louis...

when those suckers asked me for directions, my boys played pit crew on their tires. now my Italian sports car is killin' on 24s

Posted via Pixelpipe.

For the record, Arlen Specter's cancer photo is the 3rd result in a Google Image search...

Shadowhare on the Prowl

A Local Reacts to Clear Channel Cuts...

He's Not Freel-ing Baltimore Anymore

A Sad Day for Cincinnati Sports (and Cincy in general)

Why He Ran For President

KEXP on your iPhone...

"One for Dinner, One for Midnight"

joey kern standup

Camaro gets a blowjob

What's Crappening, Cincinnati?

The Brilliant Mind of One George Grande

TTT Science Beat: Who knew worms could do more for humans than help 'em catch fish, parasites, or computer viruses?

Emory Study Yields Clue to How Stem Cells Form

The Results of Me Doing More Sit-Ups

The Hypocrisy of the Teabaggers

The white Flo Rida

anthropomorphizing bovine

phor Conway

phor Conway

didn't phish have a song about llamas?

For Those Seeking Spiritual Clarity

Happy Good Friday

Tackling the Cruelty of the Pet Shop Boys

What do we really know? [my visit to the Creation Museum in Northern Kentucky]

let's find out...

A letter from T Rex to the Galatians

A letter from T Rex to the Galatians

T-Rex belched in my face... and it was good.I hadn't either. Wow, this kid is no dummy.

T-Rex belched in my face... and it was good.

Dad explains trilobites, Bible style.

Popularity: temporary. A concept that doesn't compute with the Nani.

"Whatever! I'll do what I want." --eric cartman

collage of all wrong with world 1

collage of all wrong with world 1

collage of all wrong with world 2collage of all wrong with the world 1

collage of all wrong with world 2

collage of all wrong with the world 1

T-Rex belched in my face... and it was good.

I hadn't either. Wow, this kid is no dummy.

collage of all wrong with world 2

collage of all wrong with the world 1

Bitches. People of all shapes & sizes learn how the Fall of Man was woman's fault.

This video display showed a fallen member of the modern world rolling a joint and then getting on the Internet. Oh the humanity.

blitzen trapper
next stop: cincinnati

blitzen trapper
Brooklyn