Reds Sign League's Fastest Player from Home Plate to Dugout

Willy Taveras, our new Little Reds Corvette who can go from 0 to 60 in two seconds between the batter's box and the dugout, is notorious for his desire to get to where he's safe, under cover of the dugout, near a fresh supply of sunflower seeds and Gatorade.

The Taveras signing will be a sure upgrade on last year's speedster signing, Corey Patterson, who will likely have reached the dugout more often than Taveras will in 2009, but who will have not reached such amazing speeds in getting there.

Taveras, who stole a career high 68 bases in 2008, has clearly topped this feat by stealing two years of Reds payroll allocations.

Rally 'Round Our Reds!

You want the truth, Adam Dunn? You can't handle the truth!

JP Ricciardi, the GM for your Toronto Blue Jays (why are they yours? I don't know, maybe you're from Canada or something) recently was forced to apologize for some rather candid remarks about everyone's favorite Cincinnati Red Adam Dunn (actually, that is probably not true. I think Jay Bruce is the favorite Red at this point. Or Corey Patterson, everyone loves him.) Here are Ricciardi's remarks about Dunn, who in the picture to the left is reacting to taking a called 3rd strike for about the 99th time this season:

“Do you know the guy doesn’t really like baseball that much?” Ricciardi said to the caller. “Do you know the guy doesn’t have a passion to play the game that much? How much do you know about the player? “There’s a reason why you’re attracted to some players and there’s a reason why you’re not attracted to some players. I don’t think you’d be very happy if we brought Adam Dunn here … “We’ve done our homework on guys like Adam Dunn and there’s a reason why we don’t want Adam Dunn. I don’t want to get into specifics.”Ricciardi was generally sympathetic as callers vented following the Jays 5-4 loss to Milwaukee. But Ricciardi’s demeanour changed when a caller mentioned Dunn as a hitter who might “save” the Jays’ moribund offence.“He’s a lifetime .230, .240 hitter that strikes out a ton and hits home runs,” Ricciardi said.

So, what exactly does JP need to apologize for? Let's get the easiest ones out of the way first, and that is the stats at the end. Dunn's career average year is .247, which is about what JP said, his average per year strikeouts is 181, which equals a ton, and he averages 40 home runs, which is a lot of home runs, but most of those are in the home run factory known as the Great American Ballpark.

Now, the harder stuff. Doesn't like baseball/Doesn't have a passion to play. Now, because I am not a mind reader or know Dunn personally, I don't have real insight here. However, I can make a guess based on a few things:

1. His inability to get in shape


2. His inability to improve his fielding


3. His inability to play one game in left field without some sort of defensive lapse (note: this is limited to the number of Reds games I have seen which, while quite a bit, is not every one. So, there is a chance that in the games I don't see he is Willie Mays out there, but I doubt it)

The truth is that Dunn, based on his numbers so far, is comparable to such noted All-Stars as Rob Deer, Pete Incaviglia, Glenallen Hill, and Henry Rodriguez. It is fair to say that Dunn kinda sucks and that any team trading for him and expecting an offensive savior would be disappointed. So, JP was correct.

Was there ever a real point to any of this? Probably not, but I think Dunn is terrible.