Baby Jesus Shitting Self, Etc. (Continued)

Christ on whole wheat, I hope this is a joke:

Of course, my heart goes out to the family of this man who was just in the wrong place at the wrong time, but while it is unfortunate that someone got hurt, capitalism is not a dinner party. There will always be some collateral damage in a free market. Socialists who hate capitalism are now trying to scapegoat these patriotic Americans who celebrated an American tradition by rising before dawn on the day after Thanksgiving to express their love of this country by partaking of the bounties of the free enterprise system. How can those of us who were not there judge people on the front lines of the Christmas shopping rush? Can we honestly say that we would not have rushed past or over this unfortunate man on the way to grabbing the last plasma TV or Wii to bring some Christmas joy to our children? After 9/11 President Bush said that the best way to defeat the terrorists was to “go shopping.” Should we now condemn those who took him at his word? If he meant what he said, then before he leaves office President Bush should issue a blanket pardon to these high-spirited consumers to head off this assault not only on Americans who were just trying to make Christmas a little better for their families in these trying economic times but on the capitalist system itself.

It's either deadly serious, or highly dead-pan. I really don't know.

Somewhere, Baby Jesus Just Shit Himself

This whole "Black Friday" shit is getting out of control.

When we're killing Wal Mart employees to be the first one in town to get the "it" gift this season, something is seriously, seriously wrong with our society:

A worker was killed in the crush Friday after a throng of shoppers eager for post-Thanksgiving bargains burst through the doors at a suburban Wal-Mart, authorities said.

[...]

"He was bum-rushed by 200 people," co-worker Jimmy Overby, 43, told the Daily News. "They took the doors off the hinges. He was trampled and killed in front of me. They took me down too. ... I literally had to fight people off my back."

This is terrible. The deceased worker was 34 years old. One can only guess he had a spouse, perhaps some kids. They now get to bury their loved one for Christmas. All so a bunch of crazed suburbanites could save a couple hundred dollars on a 50' flat screen tv.

Sure, that's a fair fucking trade-off - a life for a flat screen.

What the fuck is wrong with you fucking animals??!!

This has managed to piss off the Hot Rod. If life was fair, and it's not, I'd get 10 minutes alone in a room with no windows and only one door with each of those 200 callous, inhuman motherfuckers who killed this unfortuante son-of-bitch. Just me, them, and a baseball bat. Parade 'em in, one-by-one for some Old Testament-style justice.

I am sure there is a special place reserved in hell for those who would so lose sight of the true purpose of Christmas that they would kill a man to get a better seat in the temple of consumerism.