Coming to London in 2012

see Sarah Palin pictures

Yahoo! Asks: What’s that black stuff?

True to their hard hitting journalistic nature Yahoo! asks, “What’s that black tape on Olympic Beach Volleyball star Kerri Walsh's shoulder?” Rumors for the black tape range from the need to hide a non-Nike sponsor tattoo to medical purposes. Fortunately Yahoo! was able to get to the bottom of this mystery. This reporter would mention the answer here but has already forgotten the true reason. However, it most likely is to cover up a tattoo of Hot Rod Lincoln.

But that does bring up another Olympic Beach Volleyball mystery. What’s that going through President Bush’s mind, or other places for that matter? Granted, very few men would turn down the opportunity to meet the Women’s Beach Volleyball team. They’ve been capturing the hearts and minds of America for years. But in the interest of seeming more Presidential and less creepy-old-guy-at-the-bar, the President maybe should have considered a less hands-on approach of supporting our Olympians. At least the World gets some classic photos of the ordeal.


Meanwhile, fans of Mother Russia should be happy to note that their President-in-shadow was out trying to recreate the good old days. But at least this volleyballer did not get sand in her backside.

TTT Exclusive: Stretch, Mark Reports from China Olympics

This just in from Stretch, Mark, who is currently in Tianjin, China, "on business." Stretch is traveling the Orient, traversing the entire Great Wall, looking to import some "quality products" for "use" in the U.S. While there, Stretch did some investigative work. TTT asked him to uncover flaws in the purportedly superior language abilities of the Chinese. In no time, Stretch uncovered some dandies, the first being at the USA - Japan soccer match:

"Notice the scoreboard pic? grammatics in china are hilarious -- "olympic mens football tournaments beijing." that's not even one of the worse. i saw one that said "don't drive tiredly" with a smile face type picture of a guy with Xs as eyes. classic. i saw one in an airport once that read, "please check in all alcoholics at the desk."

--Stretch, Mark, live & on location for TTT Action News

The Stretch-Man also discovered hordes of Chinese fans whose Anglophilia caused them to incessantly snap photos of anyone with remotely Caucasoid features. Take a look at this shot - the subject is a tall Dutch voetbal fan, garbed in traditional bright orange.Flash photographic chaos persisted throughout the match and was aimed at the Dutch fans, and while no one was hurt, one Chinese official thought they may have inadvertently set off some more of the fake fireworks left over from the Opening Ceremonies.

The Dutch were not the only objects of Chinese camera attention; reportedly Stretch had his photo taken dozens of times as he posed with assorted Asian admirers. At the suggestion that the TTT southeast Asian correspondent charge money to the picture takers, or, better yet, have them take shots of his Slim Jim, Stretch quickly explained: "they needed a wide lens for dong shots."

Wide lens or microscope?

So, Stretch, keep the photos coming, and in the next batch see what you can uncover about the country's "16-year old" gymnastic team. Maybe you can play tooth fairy and look for evidence under their pillows. Careful. Actually, all you may find in their rooms may be the Spanish basketball team, slumbering during their daily siesta, stomachs full of sangria and paella.

Tricky Trails, Stretch!

Where have I heard this before?

A quick break from politics, although if you saw GWB at the Olympic Opening Ceremony last night, geez, he actually looked happy. Of course, when everything around you turns to crap, I guess watching some Americans who are actually successful can be fun. But I digress.

According to the Dayton Daily News, Dusty Baker does not believe that Cincy rookie Edinson Volquez is suffering from fatigue. As a Cub fan first, and a Reds fan second, I can tell you that this sort of statement is one that conjure images of Mark Prior/Kerry Wood. There are a few things that Baker understands, such as the lovely scent of fresh flowers and the fact that running outside is the best exercise, but there are a lot more things he doesn't understand, such as how On Base Percentage works and how to handle young pitchers.

Reds fans, it is time to worry. This season is done. Period. Once the calendar hits September, it is time to shut down Volquez and teammate Jonny Cueto. There is no reason to risk injury on a couple of very talented young arms just so you finish 2nd to last instead of last in the division.

This Reds team should be young, and hopefully, exciting next year. Adam Dunn will walk, and the Reds should received two draft picks, and they can hopefully unload Francisco Cordero, who is WAY overpaid for an average closer on a bad team.

Back to my original point. Take the decision on how to deal with the young pitchers out of the hands of Baker. There is nothing in his history as a manager that indicates he has any idea how to deal with them.

And finally, on the Olympics, is it just me or is Laura Bush looking more like Jack Nicholson's Joker everyday? Scary.

More Athletes Follow Suit

The 'stache continues its comeback ... going for gold(s) on the face of United States swimmer, Michael Phelps.

Mustache trendsetters: (L to R) Conway Bangs, BillyOceans11, Hot Rod Lincoln, and Nani J. Cootsack show the crowd at new Busch Stadium in St. Louis how mustaches are done in September 2007.