Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Check out the link below for celebration videos. I can't say Rockbottom in Cincinnati was this crazy, but I know I was hugging people and others were seen climbing on the chairs.
Monday, October 5, 2009
Sunday, September 27, 2009
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Monday, August 10, 2009
Friday, August 7, 2009
Saturday, August 1, 2009
Dads like not pronouncing the letter "H."
Growing up I was always told "look at that 'uge' fireworks display" or "be proud to be part of the 'uman' race." Or, "do you want to go see that new 'ugh' Jackman flick?" Or,"hey hippie, why don't you go work for the 'umane' society." Or, "what insurance do you have?......'umana.'"
Good thing I wasn't ome-schooled.
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Oh yes, it lacks a loud mouthed, rude, dog puppet. Nothing says funny quite like makin' fun of hippies.
Monday, July 27, 2009
Dads like Brawny Lads.
My sample pool is small, but distinguished. For my first entry, in what may be an ongoing series on "Things Dads Like," my research comes from only two fathers (mine and my roommates), but the numbers cannot be disputed. According to my research, 100% of dads like Brawny Lads. A Brawny Lad can be found at your local Big Boy chain (in the 'Nati it is Frisch's, but I have also seen Bob's Big Boy elsewhere). I assume the Brawny Lad transcends all Big Boy locations and is not unique to Frisch's.
Why do all dads like Brawny Lads?
Is it the ingredients?
So, when Father’s Day rolls around and you don’t know what to get your dad. Get him a gift card to Big Boy. I’ll even give you a suggestion for what to write in the card:
“Of all the things to get you, dad, I knew you’d love a Brawny Lad.”
(Images: 1. the sandwich; 2. the image that comes up when you google image search “brawny lad.”)
Monday, July 13, 2009
Saturday, July 11, 2009
Thursday, July 9, 2009
- In January of 2002, Lebron choked on a pretzel while watching football, when the story hit the press, the story remained the same, but the folly was pinned on then President George W. Bush.
- In February 2006, while hunting, Lebron accidentally shot his hunting buddy in the face. But by the time the media got wind of it, the assailant was Dick Cheney by that point.
- In November 2006, Lebron went on a racist tirade at the Laugh Factory in LA…it was not Michael Richards.
- In May 2007, an intoxicated Lebron James was caught on video eating a cheeseburger off his living room floor. Nike found the tape, destroyed it, but then later paid David Hasselhoff to recreate the scene. One Nike executive, speaking under terms of anonymity, said, “We got rid of that one pretty quickly, but it was so hilarious and embarrassing that we wanted to get tape of someone doing it, so we called The Hoff (David Hasselhoff). He was reluctant at first, but then I said ‘Just Do It!’ and he agreed.”
- Finally, multiple times throughout his life, Lebron has been seen getting in and out of cars without wearing panties. You thought that was Britney? Good, that’s the way Nike wants it.
Stay classy Lebron.
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
On the same day that Sarah Palin told CNN, "I am not a quitter; I am a fighter," her personal lawyer told the media:
"The governor needed a break after being on duty now for two and a half years solid."Part of me hopes she'll make a run. I mean, that was the most entertaining election and fallout that I can remember in my young life.
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Monday, June 29, 2009
No matter how tough you are, Michael Jackson will have the biggest gangster in the front row screaming like a bitch at his concert. That's about the best compliment you can give.
I would only add that I did have the pleasure of seeing Michael Jackson perform at Wembley Stadium in London, England in the summer of 1997. No shit. It was phenomenal. I doubt very seriously that he sung more than the odd line per song, if that, but it was hands down the greatest concert I have ever seen, bar none. And really, second place isn't even close.
Actually, you could argue it was not so much a musical performance as it was performance art. You tend to overlook the lack of live vocals due to the sheer spectacle unfolding before your eyes.
Trying to explain why Michael Jackson's death to our eight-year-old, Rodney "Warm Rod" Lincoln, Jr., has been a trip. Think about it - how do you explain the death of Michael Jackson to someone for whom Michael Jackson means absolutely nothing? The best I've been able to come up with is to have him imagine if Miley Ray Cyrus, the Jonas Brothers, and Zach and Cody (from the "Suite Life") all died.
But even that doesn't capture it adequately. One thing that has been interesting to read in all of the handwringing over MJ's passing is the racial bariers he broke down. I missed that on the first go round; and that has kind of blown my mind.
Off the Wall came out in 1979, a year in which I was riding big wheels, going to preschool, and otherwise living large. Thriller came out in late 1982, and dominated the charts and MTV for the next 18+ months. In this span, I rode a two-wheeler (sans training wheels) and completed first and second grade.
I don't have any concept of a pre-Michael Jackson world in which the barriers he broke down still existed. They say before Michael Jackson, MTV didn't play "black music." In hindsight, I say, "Well, I guess that explains why Culture Club got so much play back then." (alternate joke: "flash forward 30 years, and MTV isn't playing any "white music," either. They call that progress.").
Seriously, though, it is amazing to think about being among the first of an era who don't find anything unusual about the crossover appeal of a guy like Michael Jackson. Likely this is not as mindblowing as being in first grade the same year that schools were integrated in the 1950's. Still, it's interesting to have something that I always thought of as ordinary characterized as anything but.
I have been listening to what I guess was probably my second or third copy of Off the Wall (I seem to remember having a couple of cassettes back in the day), and I'll probably download Thriller from iTunes soon. I'm getting all caught up in the nostalgia.
I'm willing to overlook the wierdness and the allegations of what he did to young boys - I think those allegations smack of greed, opportunism, and extortion just enough to entitle MJ to he benefit of the doubt that he actually molested anyone. But it's a close call.
I am choosing to remember what all of Michael Jackson's music meant to me as a kid, when he was the biggest star in the universe. The years of 1979 - 1984 were good, happy years for the Hot Rod, and Michael Jackson supplied a healthy number of cuts to the soundtrack of that time. I couldn't get enough of his music and I wanted to know everything there was to know about him. By the time he jumped off the deep end in the late '80's, I had already moved on to other musical obsessions, but damned if Off the Wall and Thriller don't stand up to the test of time.
Had he been able to pull off his comeback shows in London, he would have slayed people. I would have purchased the DVD's. I would have been transported - magically - back to those great, carefree years, just as I was in 1997 in Wembley Stadium.
Wasn't meant to be, I guess. Our loss.
The only other thing I can think to say, and it should be said, is that obviously Michael Jackson was a deeply, deeply troubled soul. One can only hope he has found some peace now.
Monday, June 22, 2009
Saturday, June 20, 2009
The short-sleeve dresshirted Brantley, known for his love of eating food of virtually any variety so long as it's covered in something with the consistency of gravy or Montgomery Inn BBQ sauce, or literally doused with a mixture of the two, made haste from the booth to confront Phillips, who he believed to be playing a prank by stealing his pretzels.
Booth mate Marty Brennaman reported that Brantley was overheard yelling. "They think it's so damn funny when they take my snacks! I'll show 'em funny!" he shouted, with the belly of his shirt stained by some rogue grape jelly that had abandoned its English muffin while he was dining at Denny's that morning.
In the end, Phillips was left unassailed and safely remained in the game due to the half-dozen vendors that distracted The Cowboy on his way to the field. Brantley, having eaten every variety of Skyline chili, LaRosa's pizza, frosty malt and fried bologna sandwich, between the booth and the field, only to top it all off with a jumbo sized cotton candy and bucket of popcorn, was ultimately too content to care about his burgled pretzels.
Having returned to the booth where Brennaman wasn't sure if it was blood or BBQ inhabiting the corners of Brantley's mouth, the Cowboy sighed under his breath, "There's 162 games in the season and I'll have my day. Mr. Phillips, I'll see you in hell; though more likely I'll see you at the Montgomery Inn Boathouse."
Then inexplicably, The Cowboy murmured the word "smokin'," and fell sound asleep, his hand reaching for Marty's brattwurst with spicy mustard.
"It brought back memories of attending my Dad's softball games," the hungry 32-year old continued, "watching him pitch with a handful of pretzels in his glove hand and a can of Frito Lay's Mild Cheddar cheese dip in his back pocket. He ate the long thick pretzels though and usually would conceal them in his sock. He'd get so focused on eating pretzels and dip, that sometimes he'd forget the softball and serve up a watermelon in the form a puck-sized can of queso. Good thing his catcher wore a bib."
For reference, The Onion entry:
CINCINNATI—Claiming he just needed "a little something to nibble on," Reds second baseman Brandon Phillips brought out a glove full of miniature Rold Gold pretzels as a "between-pitches snack" during Tuesday night's game against the Braves. "Let's get 'em, guys," said Phillips, who perfectly timed his crunching with the crack of the bat to remove any suspicion. "Whattayasay now, infield! Let's turn two, let's, mmm, is that honey mustard?" Phillips was later marked with an error after scooping up a ground ball and accidentally showering shortstop Alex Gonzalez with a handful of pretzels while taking a bite out of the game ball.