Can I Get a Witness?

Apparently we are not all witnesses. As you have probably heard, Xavier sophomore, Jordan Crawford dunked on Lebron James on Tuesday in a pick-up game. Video of the happening has not and will not be released because Nike and King James confiscated all tapes of the occurrence. This got me thinking, what else have Nike and Lebron covered up?

1. In January of 2002, Lebron choked on a pretzel while watching football, when the story hit the press, the story remained the same, but the folly was pinned on then President George W. Bush.
2. In February 2006, while hunting, Lebron accidentally shot his hunting buddy in the face. But by the time the media got wind of it, the assailant was Dick Cheney by that point.
3. In November 2006, Lebron went on a racist tirade at the Laugh Factory in LA…it was not Michael Richards.
4. In May 2007, an intoxicated Lebron James was caught on video eating a cheeseburger off his living room floor. Nike found the tape, destroyed it, but then later paid David Hasselhoff to recreate the scene. One Nike executive, speaking under terms of anonymity, said, “We got rid of that one pretty quickly, but it was so hilarious and embarrassing that we wanted to get tape of someone doing it, so we called The Hoff (David Hasselhoff). He was reluctant at first, but then I said ‘Just Do It!’ and he agreed.”
5. Finally, multiple times throughout his life, Lebron has been seen getting in and out of cars without wearing panties. You thought that was Britney? Good, that’s the way Nike wants it.

Stay classy Lebron.