Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Uh-Huh-Huh-Huh - He Said Stimulus

(John) Boehner and Butthead?

Paul Krugman says Republicans have become the party of Beavis and Butthead (I thought this happened at about the same time as Palin-mania engulfed the radical right):

leaving aside the chutzpah of casting the failure of his own party’s governance as proof that government can’t work, does [Jindal] really think that the response to natural disasters like Katrina is best undertaken by uncoordinated private action? Hey, why bother having an army? Let’s just rely on self-defense by armed citizens.

The intellectual incoherence is stunning. Basically, the political philosophy of the GOP right now seems to consist of snickering at stuff that they think sounds funny. The party of ideas has become the party of Beavis and Butthead.

Saturday, February 21, 2009

space mountain or crack house?

you decide

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space mountain or rocky mountains?

you decide

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Friday, February 20, 2009

deez nuts are...

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Chicago O'Hare or Space Mountain?

you decide

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News of the weird

You're probably not having as bad a day as this guy...



As a young child I remember vividly my Mom telling me, "Honey, you can have a puppy... or a parakeet... or a 265lb giant python." Sadly, I chose the puppy.




And just when you thought you'd seen everything...

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Die Ken Griffey, die.

Well... "The Kid" turned his back on the Braves. I suppose I couldn't have jinxed this any more than I did. Wow. I hope he steps off the plane in Seattle and breaks his neck. Bitter I am.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Braves sign "The Kid"


I'm excited. Maybe I shouldn't be. But I am. "Junior" is coming to the ATL. No... not the NASCAR "he was driving like an idiot" Junior. The one with the lifetime .547 slugging percentage Junior. The one who started wearing his hat backwards before it was cool. That one.

Now I realize he's not going to give the Braves anything close to 162 games. But, if he can protect Chipper and be somewhat productive, I think this is a great fit for the Braves (and he comes cheap) -- not to mention, this could add a few years to Griffey's playing career since Bobby plans on platooning him anyway.

I realize Junior was, by some standards, a bust in Cincy. He only hit over 30 bombs twice in nine seasons, batted over .300 once and missed part of every season as a Redstocking, but I still feel like this is a GREAT signing for the Bravos. We have to keep pace with the Phils and Mets and their fat wallets.

I own 20 or so of the Ken Griffey Upper Deck rookie cards. I collected millions of cards as a kid and they've been in the attic ever since. At the time, this one and Mark McGwire's '85 rookie were the most valuable of them all (although I bought about 100 of Mike Greenwell's rookie too -- argh). But, Griffey's was always one of my most cherished. It was the first year of Upper Deck cards and at times, this card has been worth up to $300 a piece. Major Baseball has fallen on hard times though, and with the fallout of the economy, this card is only fetching $20 or so on ebay. So, maybe I won't sell them now.

Maybe I'll go home and pull it out of the plastic sheets tonight and stare at it. Ken Griffey is an Atlanta Brave. And I'm pretty pleased.

Why, God??!! Why??!!

The Bengals have franchised kicker, Shayne Graham.

Unbelievable.

Sunday, February 15, 2009

Local Man Convinced He Could Write for "The Onion"

Reached for comment, Nani J. Cootsack stated plainly, "Leave me alone. Who are you? I never said that! Someone call security."

Saturday, February 14, 2009

Jerry Jones looking for new Center (of attention)



DALLAS, TX - Just when Dallas Cowboys fans thought next season's prospects couldn't get any brighter (see: new Texas Stadium's pork-laden $1B budget, the waiving of PacMan "I make it rain" Jones, Terrell Owens MVP in the NBA Celebrity Basketball game and Tony Romo's incredible 0-2 playoff record and collapsing shower routine), it looks as though things are really starting to look up for the 2009 season.

From the platform of his oil rig in the middle of the Gulf of Mexico, Cowboys Owner/GM/CEO/CFO/Partner/Offensive Coordinator/Counselor Jerry Jones said today in a press conference that Tony Romo's country crooning girlfriend, Jessica Simpson, will now be vying for the recently vacated center position on the Cowboys offensive line. Jones explained, "Jessica has been an integral part in our team's success the last few seasons. She and Tony have really worked hard on drawing up new plays in the sand on their trips to Mexico and the Caribbean during the season. Contrary to media reports (and Terrell Owens assertion), Tony and Jason Witten did not meet secretly to draw up new dynamic plays; it was always Tony and Jessica." Jones continued, "There's no question Mrs. Simpson was instrumental in helping lead us to our third place finish in the NFC East. We would have clearly been a 4-12 or 5-11 team, at best, without her."

While Jessica Simpson doesn't technically have any football background, she has been preparing for the rigors of the offensive line diligently, as evidenced by her new frame. Speaking recently after opening for Billy Ray Cyrus in Nashville, from the Gaylord Entertainment Center, "Tony and I go to Cici's Pizza before and after all my shows. Endless pizza buffet and gooey cinnamon rolls are part of our strategery. We feel if I am to get to 300lbs by training camp, I need to get serious and start eating right." Starting Cowboy QB and boyfriend Tony Romo, feels she's just what the Cowboys need, "Jess was held back by that swishy 'Boys 2 Men' Cincinnati-guy (Nick Lachey) all those years and now I have enabled her to flourish, adding 50lbs of pure fat in a mere two months." Romo added, "People don't realize I am from Wisconsin originally and I like my women with more meat on their bones. Who wants a bulimic, model of a girlfriend? Nuh-uh. Not me."

Jessica says she can't wait to start working out, training and EVEN showering with the Cowboys. Laughing hysterically Simpson said, "I think T.O. is definitely the most well-hung Cowboy. I mean, look at his hands for God's sake. They look like catchers mitts. Sorry Dad, you still have the biggest white penis I've ever seen though... err... oops."

And while Romo is eager for his bucksome blonde to hit the field, he warned that , "No other guy's going to be taking snaps from Jessica. Brad Johnson's already been saying he's going to rub a soft erection against her. Mr. Jones has already promised me that won't happen." Cowboys coach Wade Phillips was unavailable for comment for this story, apparently vacationing with his secretary in the beautiful south of Texas.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

front row...ridiculous.

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gearing up for US-Mexico.

freddy sporting the old school umbro US warmup top...a gift from nano.

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Monday, February 9, 2009

2009 Grammys Random Notes from the Hot Rod

I hate the Grammys; I really do. I would not have watched except for the fact that the Hot Rodette had it on when I came into the room. I loved the Radiohead performance, and I was actually happy to see Robert Plant do so well. But otherwise, I did nothing but bitch the whole time about what a complete bullshit-fest the Grammys are.

My thoughts in more detail:

1. Should be called the "Who-Caresies?" Runner-up name: the "So-Whatsies?"

2. When I walked into the room, Miley Ray Cyrus and Taylor Swift were performing. Actually, I didn't know that was Taylor Swift until I read it in Rolling Stone this morning. That was followed by Stevie Wonder debasing himself by appearing with the Jonas Brothers. The Jonas Brothers cannot hold Stevie Wonder's jock. Stevie needs to implement a rule: "I will not appear on stage with any musician who is incapable of holding my jock, period. No exceptions."

I think I'm gonna hurl...

3. I used to like Coldplay. A lot. What has happened? I don't know.... maybe a totally shitty third album and a hopelessly mediocre fourth? Yep.



4. Jack Black's intro on Paul McCartney .... hilarious.

5. Kanye, Jay-Z, T.I., and Lil Wayne (did you follow that - almost turned into a spelling bee in the middle) performing together one one stage. Described as a "Hip Hop Summit." That, if I'm not mistaken, is what used to be called an "East-Coast / West-Coast rap war."

6. M.I.A., who I don't think I've ever heard of, what the hell were you wearing? Twenty years from now, if not less, her unborn child is going to be appalled that s/he was indirectly wearing that get-up in public.


An instance where words simply fail.



7. I so should have live-blogged the Grammys.

8. The singer, Adele: how did I ever miss her? I'm serious, she's as big as a house, how did I miss her?



9. OK, that was a cheap shot, but in my defense, it is more creative and original, barely, than taking a shot at Jessica Simpson. Further in my defense, Dave Grohl looked really fat too.



The giant mass behind the drum kit is, believe it or not, the Foo Fighters' Dave Grohl.

10. Radiohead with the USC marching band.... wait, is it really Radiohead if only Thom Yorke and Jonny Greenwood show up? I wonder of the other three guys just said "Fuck the Grammys" and stayed home.

11. Radiohead, Pt.2: how awesome would it be to he in the marching band at Southern Cal? Who's laughing at the band camp geeks now?

12. Katy Perry. The joke tells itself.

13. On a serious note, Jennifer Hudson's performance was very moving. Poor girl's been through a lot.

14. Don't tell anyone, but I kinda liked that song Kanye performed with Estelle (again, had to look her up - no idea who she was).

15. Re: The Four Tops tribute .... this weekend, I happened to catch a documentary on The Funk Brothers, which were the studio musicians who played on I guess all or nearly all of the 1960's Motown records. In a word, Awesome. Check it out if you ever get a chance. I saw it on HDNet Movies. Website here.

16. After being announced as the winner (with Alison Krauss) for Album of the Year by Green Day, ex-Led Zeppelin frontman, Robert Plant, said, "In the old days we would have called this selling out." Was the irony lost on anyone that Green Day presented the award?

17. Yes, Conway, I am aware that Alison Krauss appears on a Phish album.

18. After turning the channel to E! to watch the Girls Next Door, I learned Chris Brown allegedly beat up Rihana, explaining why neither can performed at the Grammys. Finally, the practice of the Thug Life benefits the Hot Rod!!

19. Chris Brown, Pt. 2: No shit, the Hot Rodette actually asked "where's Chris Brown?" during the show without knowing this. She has like 5 Chris Brown songs on her iPod and I never miss an opportunity to tell her what a crime this is.

20. Chris Brown, Pt. 3: Will this alleged incident be the greatest alleged career move of Chris Brown's alleged life? My money's on YES.