Sunday, November 30, 2008

Covington's The Pad has taken new form...

...as The Avenue. Is Covington cleaning up its act?

Kentucky's most beautiful girls were definitely there but sadly they were fully clothed and drinking high-end cocktails.

Bathroom patriotism littered the walls of the men's facilities, which had probably once required industrial-strength cleaning supplies.

Posted via Pixelpipe.

Friday, November 28, 2008

Somewhere, Baby Jesus Just Shit Himself

This whole "Black Friday" shit is getting out of control.

When we're killing Wal Mart employees to be the first one in town to get the "it" gift this season, something is seriously, seriously wrong with our society:

A worker was killed in the crush Friday after a throng of shoppers eager for post-Thanksgiving bargains burst through the doors at a suburban Wal-Mart, authorities said.

[...]

"He was bum-rushed by 200 people," co-worker Jimmy Overby, 43, told the Daily News. "They took the doors off the hinges. He was trampled and killed in front of me. They took me down too. ... I literally had to fight people off my back."

This is terrible. The deceased worker was 34 years old. One can only guess he had a spouse, perhaps some kids. They now get to bury their loved one for Christmas. All so a bunch of crazed suburbanites could save a couple hundred dollars on a 50' flat screen tv.

Sure, that's a fair fucking trade-off - a life for a flat screen.

What the fuck is wrong with you fucking animals??!!

This has managed to piss off the Hot Rod. If life was fair, and it's not, I'd get 10 minutes alone in a room with no windows and only one door with each of those 200 callous, inhuman motherfuckers who killed this unfortuante son-of-bitch. Just me, them, and a baseball bat. Parade 'em in, one-by-one for some Old Testament-style justice.

I am sure there is a special place reserved in hell for those who would so lose sight of the true purpose of Christmas that they would kill a man to get a better seat in the temple of consumerism.

Thursday, November 27, 2008

best thing about having pirates over for thanksgiving is that they leave their pirate booty exposed

Aaaaarr! bring me me rum with that turkey ye scurvey dog!

happy thanksgiving

in Pittsburgh, there is not only a law that beer must be bought at a specially licensed beer store, but also one that requires all hotels to convey a "pirate" theme in honor baseball great Smokey Burgess, who "was a little fat catcher," according to Nani's mammi
Posted via Pixelpipe.

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

i'd like two pickets to tittsburgh

tunnel shot

caravan to Pittsburgh

Posted via Pixelpipe.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

The Norm Coleman / Al Franken Recount

One unresolved Senate race seen through the eyes of Matt Taibbi, here.

Taibbi points out

Coleman ... lost a humiliating gubernatorial race to wrestler Jesse Ventura 10 years ago, he now sits on the verge of becoming the first politician in American history to lose a major office to two different TV entertainers.

Ouch!

Make sure you read the entire article - on page 3 there is a mention of the unintentionally funny name of a device Coleman's wife invented.

Monday, November 24, 2008

Inauguration Anyone?




January 20, 2009 will be one hell of an historic day. Washington DC is a short two-hour ride down the tricky trail from Jackie’s hood. If you know the password you may gain entrance. Call your Congressman; get your tickets.

Now known as Brian Wedgiebrook...


Westbrook, you'd better watch out; Ray Lewis is probably in hot pursuit, loose change in-hand and ready to deposit in your cofrinho.

Cincinnati Entertainment Awards

I had an all access laminate last night in exchange for a little heavy lifting. Not too bad a deal. Below is my grainy cell phone pic of Ralph Stanley and The Clinch Mountain Boys closing out the show.

The show is run like an actual awards show and is a lot of fun (complete with red carpet entrance). Just getting all the different Cincinnati bands/musicians under one roof for a night is quite the spectacle. And it's incredibly exciting when your friends win (reggae, bluegrass categories).

I've posted an article from Mike Breen who works at Citybeat magazine too, sums up the night quite well... boy does my head hurt today (schwillin whiskey from the bottle backstage after the show probably wasn't such a great idea, but whatchagonnado)



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The afterparty is sitll going on, but, while we assess what happened last night at the 12th annual Cincinnati Entertainment Award ceremony at the Emery Theater — the first sold-out show and quite possibly the best show in CEA histtory —here's who won what last night.

The levity of having Bootsy Collins and some legendary James Brown cohorts, plus Ralph Satnley, performing at the CEAs hit me when I drove up in the afternoon to drop off scripts and the CD with winner's music earlier in the afternoon. When I pulled up the venue, I was behind Ralph Stanley's tour bus, maneuvering the tight turns of Over-the-Rhine, When I walked into the Emery Theatre, Booty Colllins and his famous colleagues were sound-checking with a mini-set that seemed already perfect.

I was blown away by the bookended performances. This truly represented the history of what would become Rock & Roll. It was almost surreal to watch. Fuck you if you don't get it — we should be so proud of Cincinnati's place in music history

If I can put things into words, I'll write more. In the meantime, here's who won some awards last night:

BEST LIVE ACT
Foxy Shazam

BEST MUSICAL AMBASSADOR
Bootsy Collins

BLUEGRASS
Rumpke Mountain Boys

BLUES
Sonny Moorman Group

COUNTRY
The Turkeys

EXPERIMENTAL/ELECTRONIC
Chick Pimp, Coke Dealer at a Bar

FOLK/AMERICANA
Jake Speed & the Freddies

HARD ROCK/METAL
Foxy Shazam

HIP HOP
Eclipse

INDIE/ALTERNATIVE
The Seedy Seeds

JAZZ
Faux Frenchmen

PUNK/POST PUNK/HARDCORE
Knife the Symphony

R&B/FUNK
Daughters and Sons

ROCK
500 Miles to Memphis

SINGER/SONGWRITER
Kim Taylor

WORLD MUSIC/REGGAE
Super-Massive

NEW ARTIST OF THE YEAR
Daniel Martin Moore

ALBUM OF THE YEAR
Barkinghaus
The Sundresses

ARTIST OF THE YEAR
Seabird

Sunday, November 23, 2008

Say It Ain't So

Britain may ban happy hours. That's it; I'm dumping all of my Earl Gray tea into the Chesapeake.

Bad Timing

NBC Fires WEATHER CHANNEL Environmental Unit -- During Network's 'Green Week' ...

Friday, November 21, 2008

Friday Mid-Afternoon Spotlight: Chokkan Band


This appears to be a viral ad from Taito to promote their mobile game, Chokkan Band.

Jesse Jackson wanted for questioning in disappearance of Marvin Lewis' Balls [alternate headline: Bengals Fire Marvin Lewis, Reds Sign Rafael Furcal]

Can you imagine Thanksgiving in Cincinnati if that was the Enquirer's headline early next week (the latter - the former would be weird as hell though)?

Kicking a field goal last night while down 13 with 6 minutes left against the Steelers, with the ball inside the 10-yard line, was absolutely inexcusable. Marvin Lewis should be fired. As our friend C. Trent Rosecrans puts it:
So, Marvin Lewis is talking at 2 and maybe he'll make more sense today than he did last night. It was like he was shell-shocked last night and making zero sense. Really, the only thing he can say about the field goal is 'yeah, I f'd up.'
On the bright side, the Reds are currently tied for the lead in the NL Central. Hopefully, they'll grow the pair that Lewis is currently without and sign Furcal, or some other playmaker.

I know I'm dreaming, and while the Naniette is fond to remind that "it's free to dream," I am not sure this is exactly true; I seem to always pay a severe emotional debt for my Cincinnati sports dreams.

Sarah Palin Files, Pt. 68 - Palin interview on the set of "Fargo"

Is this a joke? I mean, she really has no sense of context... "I think I'll give an interview in front of a turkey getting slaughtered while I sip on my latte and keep warm under my Burberry scarf."

Here's her actual quote:
“This was neat. I was happy to get invited to participate in this. You need a little bit of levity in this job… It’s nice to get out and do something to promote a local business and to just participate in something that isn’t so heavy handed politics that invite criticism. Certainly we’ll even invite criticism for doing this too, but at least this was fun.”
Levity? Wow, if this is her idea of levity, I'd hate to see her idea of a notion higher on the positive scale than "levity." At this rate, joy or excitement, for example, would include Francis McDormand playing a pregnant cop, don'tcha know?.

In the clip, Palin talks about what she's thankful for: her kids and things like that. Fair enough. Well, it's probably no small secret that Nani is thankful for this turkey not being anywhere the White House for the next 4 years, and hopefully beyond. Nani is thankful that Palin will be again tucked away in Alaska where she can keep us safe from Russia.

For reference:

A pie chart explains the devastating implications of gay marriage...

For more telling charts on a number of issues, see GraphJam.

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Putting the "Old" Back in "Grand Old Party"

I love my parents, who are baby boomers, dearly. But with apologies to my parents (Burnt Rod and Burnt Rodette Lincoln), I desperately want the baby boomers - as a political force - do die out and go away.

Remember all of those stupid issues McCain and Palin ran on - "he's not like us"; "he's a communist/socialist/marxist"; Bill Ayres, Jeremiah Wright, et al.? They're baby boomer wedge issues and buzzwords. The lowest common denominator to them is this: are you with John Wayne, or with Jane Fonda? Vietnam and the 1960's are still the central front of the political wars for the baby boomers.

Others have said it better than me, particularly Matt Taibbi in this piece, but this election was a seismic generational shift in political power. If 2008 wasn't the death knell for the baby boomers as a political force, we can at least say they have been weakened to the point of irrelevance.

David Gergen in Rolling Stone:

The emergence of this millennial generation as a force in American politics is going to be one of the biggest stories in the country over the next 20 years or so. We know from past history that when young people vote for one party a couple of times, they tend to vote for that party during their adult lifetimes in disproportionate numbers. We last saw this with Ronald Reagan, who attracted an unusual number of young people. But the rising generation of millennials is bigger than what has come before. They are even bigger than the baby-boom population, and they are much more progressive and diverse. Forty percent of millennials are minorities. They look past gender and race in ways that baby boomers do not. They embrace diversity, whereas older Americans tend to be wary or even scared of it. So this is an enormous potential asset for Democrats. We talked all along about whether Barack being black would drive away voters. Among the millennials, the fact that he was black attracted voters.

It is just amazing to hear some voices from the right advocate an even more conservative path for the Republican party - i.e., more hawkish, more homophobic, more bigoted, more intolerant, more desirous of a return to a fabled 1950's (white) suburban America, and so on.

At some point, these people need to realize it's not about principles or ideas - if they want to be a viable political party, it's about the fucking math. A rabidly passionate 27% of the electorate is not going to win national elected office, regardless of how enthusiastically they cast their ballots.

Shaq's Twitter

Random post for the day: Shaq is Twittering and you can follow his every bite as he eats a Subway sandwich.

The US has cooties!

This video speaks for itself. The New administration has a big task a head of them.


"Coco Crisp almost a Red"

That was the headline at mlbtraderumors.com, which had me wound up for a second. Could the Reds really land a CF capable of batting 8th, or even 7th, in the lineup? Could it be?

No, it couldn't.

The Reds were out-gunned by the Royals, the powder-blue insignificance that reportedly, like the Reds, fields a collection of men who are paid professional contracts to play baseball in a fantastic stadium in front of people who spend their money to watch.

Let me repeat: the Reds were out-gunned by the Kansas City Royals. The Royals haven't done anything significant since two hooligan attendees of one of their games assaulted first base coach Tom Gamboa.

My favorite part of the baseball season has certainly tripped and stumbled out of the chute.

Walt Jocketty, what's next? Should we sign Mike Piazza to catch and sell haircare products?
bathroom politics

Posted via Pixelpipe.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Houston, We've Got A Problem.

This morning, while making my way through My Yahoo! page, my eye was accosted by the following headline from Space.com in the Space and Astronomy module:

Spacewalkers Lose Tool Bag During Space Station Lube Job

Um. Ummm.

I know the story itself is far more innocuous than my college-age mind has been led to believe (at least I think so - I didn't want to ruin the moment by actually reading it). But, it was a welcome surprise to find that my decision to include astronomy news in my daily morning read would satisfy my intellectual curiosity as well as my insatiable hunger for silliness. And to the gentleman who penned this headline, I say thank you. You are a scholar, and, at the same time, not. I know you did this on purpose.

As for the story, in my imagination it has a happy ending. The jackass wasn't lost, he just went to the bathroom to finish the job himself.

Kentucky's Best Kept Secret...

Hat tip, Andrew Sullivan:

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Another Footstep On The Well-Worn Path To Irrelevance

Nice.

The Cincinnati Reds let reliever Jeremy Affeldt sign with San Fransisco. And it's a good thing too. He was only, good, talented, effective .... Maybe they're freeing up cap space to lure the worthless Todd Coffey back.

Thoughts? Tawlk Among y'selves.**

** A SNL "Coffee Talk" reference. Get it? Todd Coffey, Coffee Talk. Oh Nevermind!

Symbolic Gesture of the Day

In California, a homeless man was sentenced to four years in prison, and ordered to pay $101,000,000 for starting two forest fires. A homeless man.

Good luck collecting that.

If California really wanted to take a piece of this guy's ass, they should just lock him in a room with Smokey the Bear. I bet Smokey's pissed.

What's better than Belgian waffles?

Belgian action heroes named Jean Claude Van Damme.

Nani will admit, he hasn't exactly had JCVD on the brain since he'd seen him on TNT seemingly ever day after school in junior high, and Nani is pretty sure you haven't kept up the homoerotic martial arts master either.
Remember when Benito Santiago used to catch for the Padres?

So, what sparked this entry? Well, last week at the pub, while the Action Jacksons were proving Chubbs' severe lack of "drinkability," Carl and friends were being entertained by three monitors. In the middle was the Hawks' near victory over the Celtics, on the right was some bloody UFC battle, and on the left, with the entire bar counting their lucky stars, was Bloodsport, starring Jean Claude Van Damme and featuring the 'roid-rage neck-breaking of Chong Li. We had a hard time deciding which was real and more entertaining: UFC or Bloodsport.

What a classic film. And did you know that Forest Whitaker is in it? Nani can't believe he didn't win an award for his role.

Coincidental to Nani being force-fed oiled-up images of dudes in Skidz pants, Jean Claude is attempting to bust out of the shackles of obscurity by promoting the documentary the world has been waiting for, JCVD, which the San Francisco Chronicle calls a "shrewd satire about stardom and the cult of celebrity." Some call it Van Damme's finest acting ever; however, it may not be better than his performance on the red carpet during an interview with a young female reporter. Here's a transcript of the sexual-harassment laced interview (hat tip, Celebitchy):

There ‘ s a monologue in the film about being a washed-up action star. Did you improvise that?
I like structure—like driving: go past the school on the street, stay on the right side, no hitting the car, go in right, you’ll see a big church, stop and take a left, and you’ll have it. By doing this I’m giving a structure of life, a path of light, and showing what happens between me and me, which is something very beautiful.

Beautiful? Why?
I really opened myself up in “JCVD.” I peeled back the skin of the fruit, cut the pulp and then took that very hard seed. In this film I cut that hard seed, and inside that seed was a kind of liquid cream substance of the man I am, or the woman you are.

OK —
It was like being naked—I would love to be naked in front of you.

Well, I —
Not being naked being naked. I say such things in Hong Kong and they thought I was being a crazy Frenchman. Being naked of protection.

So you ‘ ve no regrets at all?
Believe me—I’ve done very good stuff and very crazy stuff, and I don’t regret the crazy stuff. So are you in New York?

Yes, I am.
And are you 27, or 32?

I ‘ m 22.
Oh, f–––. That is very young. Will you come to the premiere?

I don ‘ t know. When is it?
I don’t know. You will wear all black, a black dress and high heels?

Uh —
You can come find me, I will be the one with the very broad shoulders, dark hair and a simple suit. We can have some champagne, you and me.

If you'd like to catch a glimpse of what JCVD is all about, watch the trailer. Nani has not yet watched and hopes he doesn't regret posting it:


Just watched it. Great line: "If there was no more oxygen, all planes and birds would crash."

Gov. Palin Admits Affair With Hot Rod Lincoln


Governor Palin pictured here discussing an affair with the Tricky Trail Times’ own Hot Rod Lincoln. She admits being rather districted during the campaign and unable to bone-up for some interviews, most notably the infamous Katie Couric interview. Hot Rod declined comment but did rub his mustache and give the interviewer a head nod and wink.

Saturday, November 15, 2008

Strange prematch ritual for Wayne Rooney...

In a recent interview with Goal.com, Manchester United striker Wayne Rooney revealed a weird pre-game ritual:
Rooney also went on to mention he has a bizarre pre-match ritual, and that prior to the Celtic game, he will go through the same motions:

"I put my socks on in someone else’s seat. I never put them on in my own seat," he declared.
Rooney apparently has a post-goal ritual, too: measuring the cup-size of his teammates. In this case it appears Dimitar Berbatov is the lucky lad.

The peak into this oddity made me wonder about others' rituals. The TTT is curious about your pre-game rituals, no matter what your game is. Let's find out which reader can rival Rooney, or worse.

Nani himself turns on the seat warmer in his car on the way to the game, no matter what the temperature is. Nani thinks this warms his muscles enough that he doesn't really need to warm up. Despite going to such great lengths to stay fit, Nani has recently been experiencing hamstring trouble. What gives?!

Anyone else?

Friday, November 14, 2008

Bill O on The Daily Show



Rednecks vs. Bees

This thread will make your day. Click here for the thorough enjoyment.
Hat tip to Jim Breech for sending this to the TTT.

Since Mike Brown took over for his father Paul, Brown's record is 98 -183 which is the worst winning percentage of all professional sports teams

Freddy, do you wake up and see this sign every day?

Thursday, November 13, 2008

How much does the liberal media elite love Brett Favre?

Well, I'm watching NFL Network's coverage of the Jets/Patriots game and Leon Washington just returned a kickoff for a touchdown, and he did it without being touched. It was damn impressive.

But the most awesome part of the play, or rather the coverage of the play by NFL Network, was that, as soon as Washington reached the goal line, I got to watch Brett Favre celebrate the touchdown on the sidelines with a bunch of other helmet-less oafs.

In response, the TTT, which always fights for justice through balanced media coverage, is posting the coolest photo of Leon Washington, or of Leon Washington's hot girlfriend (update: the photo at right was actually a Google Image search result, so I went with it), that Nani can find, and the most humiliating one of Favre.

What the F does Favre have to do with anything related to the amazing kick return anyway? Did his locker room presence have enough of an impact on Washington to provide him with an extra boost of speed? Or could it have been Leon Washington's girlfriend who gave him the juice? I'll let the loyal readership of the TTT decide.

Brett Favre is a worthless football player (with regard to this particular play), and Leon Washington, clearly, is a stud. Way to go Leon. Until tonight, I barely knew who you were; now I'm your bloggest fan.

On a side note, Cris Collinsworth, aka Crissy Baby, aka the man who invited me and several of my 6th grade friends to his wedding when we met him at Erlanger's Showcase Cinemas in 1988, did not say a word about the crappy coverage. Crissy Baby, where's your journalistic integrity? Did you leave on my dollar bill that you autographed way back when?

Oh Youtube, you never cease to amaze...

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

overtime victory

jacksons win in extra time. chubbs lack impact at roof, 3rd vessel of budwiser gets gets Dutch ruddered by jacksons
Posted via Pixelpipe.

Kids In The Hall

The Cincinnati Kid

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Code Name Revealed


The Sarah Palin Files, Pt. 67 / Quote of the Day

Andrew Sullivan on Palin:

Kinda like Clinton with a few dozen IQ points shaved off the top.
Only a few dozen???

Update: Nani J. Cootsack, as Head of Blogging Relations Committee, Appoints Hot Rod's Mom to Sit on His 'Staff'

Sorry, Hot Rod. I couldn't help myself. The blog was a little stale for the last 18 hours or so, so I had to spice it up.

Monday, November 10, 2008

An Unexpected F*ck Before Work

One of the benefits of waiting around the house every morning to get the Warm Rod on the school bus in the morning is that I get to watch Morning Joe on MSNBC past 8 a.m. I like the show in general, and find it's host, former Republican representative, Joe Scarborough, to be smart and able to stay more-or-less objective in covering and commenting on politics. I respect him for that.

This morning, at 8:13 a.m., Joe was discussing Rahm Emanuel and his infamous potty mouth. While intending to refer to how Emanuel says "Fuck You" at the top of his lungs with the euphemism, "F You," Joe let fly with the actual F-word on live television: Don't believe me? Watch here.

Not that I really think this is going to cost Scarborough his job, but it would be funny if it did for this reason.

Also in the news is the story that Marilyn Manson broke up with his girlfriend, Evan Rachel Wood. Wood, it seems is looking for something new, so why not give her her own morning show on MSNBC? In fact, they could call it .......

wait for it .......

MORNING WOOD.

Thank you folks, you've been great. I'll be at the Argosy Casino in Rising Sun, Indiana next week, I'd love to see you there. Take care of your bartenders and wait staff....

Barack Obama Appoints Nani J. Cootsack to Head Blogging Relations Committee, Continue Leadership of TTT

In what was no surprise to the international blogosphere, President-Elect Barack Obama today appointed Nani J. Cootsack to head-up his committee on Blogging Relations. Cootsack, who many argue to be one of the premier bloggers of senseless information and trivial minutiae, is said to possess the right frame of absent-mindedness needed to unite the aloof realm of blogging psychotics.

Reached for comment, Cootsack said his first goal as committee chair would be to bring together the Cat Fancy crowd with its hated rivals over at I Hate Kittens. "Personally, I fucking hate cats, kittens, and any other feline, and this definitely includes the Cincinnati Bengals who I'm currently boycotting," stated Cootsack, "but I just can't bear to witness the single greatest nation God ever gave man on this Earth divided over these insignificant, boring creatures."

"Change starts now," added Cootsack.

Saturday, November 8, 2008

Ohio Driver's Test

Well, after moving to Ohio I had to take the Ohio Driver's written test in order to get an Ohio license. A license from the great Commonwealth apparently carries no weight here. I consider myself a good, though a bit aggressive, driver. I took the written test of 40 questions....I passed with a 75%. Before you judge, here are some questions. Some easy, some ridiculous.


What does this sign mean? (a) a man has died in the street ahead, (b) .... (c)... (d) pedestrian crosswalk, pedestrians have the right away.

I am not kidding...(a) was an actual choice.


When driving with children under the age of 12 in the open bed of a pickup truck what is the maximum speed? (I do not care what the choices are....I will never be in this situation. If I am ever in this situation I would hope the cops pull me over and ask me where I went wrong in life).

After passing I had my picture taken. I ask the girl, after she takes my pic, "how'd it look?" her response, "uh, ok." wow, thanks. after you have been looking at the trash of hamilton county all day long you can't give an average, normal looking person anything better than "uh, ok?" i got my license, and well, i looked like myself....which worries me.

side note, i almost got a speeding ticket on the way home.

Friday, November 7, 2008

No Stairway! (Since we're on the subject of toys...)

After presenting one of the oldest toys in the world, the stick, which dinosaurs and humans used to play with together once upon a time, I present one of the newest toys:

Stick Elected to Highest Position in America (for Toys)

CNN reports that The National Toy Hall of Fame has inducted the stick into its majestic institution. Claiming that voter fraud had much to do with the selection of the stick, an alliance formed by some mud, a crab-apple, a dandelion, a pine-cone, and a flat-sided rock perfect for skipping, also filed a law suit claiming that they had been defamed by negative campaigning by the stick, which, in ads, had claimed that members of the alliance had once lived in a forest with several controversial figures, including the marijuana leaf and the magic mushroom.

The stick, which is alleged have once had a relationship with the mud, and actually lived "in the mud," could not be reached for comment.

Shakedown Street comes to Pennsylvania Avenue?

from jambands.com



The Dead Reportedly In Line For Inauguration Gig

The Presidential inauguration of Barack Obama will take place in Washington on January 20. As we reported on Wednesday, Wilco likely will perform at an inaugural event in some fashion. In addition, a report in today's New York Daily News, suggests that the surviving members of the Grateful Dead may well be on hand as well. Accordingly to the Daily News Bob Weir has indicated,"We've been told to keep the date free."

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In other news the inauguration has also been pushed back to mid-June and will be held at Bonnaroo in Tennessee.

3 Things

1. Free Stickers



2. Posters on sale at 12:30pm today.

These 5,000 limited edition prints are 24" x 36" and are offset printed on French's Cream Speckletone stock under the artist's supervision. Each print is numbered by hand, 1 through 5000. The first 1000 in the series are signed by Shepard Fairey.

Prints will be available via a link on this page starting at 12:30 p.m. EST on Friday, November 7th. Check this page at that time for a link to donate for your print. Information about minimum donation levels will be available later this morning.

3. Wanna work for Obama?

Thursday, November 6, 2008

"We'll all be dead by sunrise..."

John McSucker?

Did Obama trick him in Pennsylvania?

My Campaign Memories by Matt Taibbi


Rolling Stone writer Matt Taibbi spent more time than a human should on the road over the past two years. After writing several incredible articles from the campaign trail covering nearly every candidate he wraps it all up with a best of style article.
I read most of this today on the bus ride into work and was actually LOL (I rarely mean it when I type it, but seriously I was LOL).

excerpt:

"Romney was, in his way, the worst of the bunch. His plan, apparently, was to run out the clock — to hold his breath and rely on his superior Mormon moral conditioning while he waited for all the other mutants in the race to die of their genetic vulnerabilities. Not a bad strategy. What undermined him was that if you weren't already a Romney supporter, it took about five seconds in his toothy, celluloid presence before you started feeling a profound urge to wizard-kick him in the face. You could see that phenomenon everywhere, even in the eyes of the other Republican candidates."
read on

We Fake Americans

Interesting piece by Matthew Yglesias about the rise of the "Fake Americans." We are, so the argument goes, here to stay.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Reality vs. Conservative Reality

As a follow up to Nani's post from earlier today, I had been thinking along a parallel path when considering Rep. Michele Bachmann's narrow re-election victory in Minnesota.

Bachmann, of course, famously went on Hardball with Chris Matthews, oh, about two weeks ago, and said that she believed Barack Obama held Anti-American views, and called for an investigation by the press into which liberal congresspeople were Anti-American. It was McCarthy-esque, delisional, and above all else disgusting. The video is in the above-linked story. In any mainstream part of the country, she's voted out. In her district, she narrowly survives.

I was shocked ... at first. But in a way it all makes sense.

One conservative blog I read kind of regularly is The Corner at the National Review. Why? I dunno. Mostly to get a glimpse into right-wing thinking, I guess. 99.99% of the time, I'm convinced they're crazy, but I do appreciate having the different point of view. It's a check on the (very real) risk I (all too frequently) run of getting trapped in an echo chamber of reading only left-leaning sites.

Now, while I'm not going to link to the top 5 Corner post-mortems on the election, suffice it to say, there is a serious disconnect from reality for some of these bloggers. Ramesh Ponnuru and even Jonah Goldberg have had some reasonable, frounded posts today. Kathryn Jean Lopez is predictably fucking insane. But what is striking is the level of excuse making from the putative party of personal responsibility. While the hypocracy alone is noteworthy, I was most fascinated by the impression I got that these people truly watched a different election than the rest of us. These folks, I think, have constructed an alternate reality that explains the world around them in a way that avoids any cognative dissonance with their worldview.

Hence, it's not the failure of the neoconservative philosophy that led to Obama winning the election, it was Obama's empty celebrity that fooled the voters; it's not that Obama ran a damn-near flawless campaign, it's that his campaign was corrupt; it's not that Palin was obviously incompetent and not up to the job, it's the liberal media. I could go on, but you get the point. They are coming up with anything to avoid any admission that their heralded "conservative principles" are not as infallable as they believe, or that they aren't shared by a majority of Americans.

Similarly their "silver linings" are precious. My faves: "now the Democrats are going to have to actually govern, rather than sit back and critize - let 'em see how hard it is." Yeah, things like "basic competence" - the Dems are really going to struggle to get their arms around that.

Another great one was the conspiracy theory that Obama would retain the Bush-appointed Secretary of Defense, Robert Gates, but work behind the scenes to systematically undermine him so that if things went south militarily, the Democrats would have someone to scapegoat. Seriously?? More than anything this reveals how hollow the "conservative" movement is. Everything is viewed through the prism of how to hold power, how to grab power, or how to work any fact for political gain. Nice enough, but when it comes to governance, where does this get you? (Hint: look no further than George W. Bush). The idea that a decision might be made with, I don't know, the best interests of the country in mind, is something that is not even on these folks' radar screens.

Anyway, this is getting to be too much prologue for a simple point.

In Minnesota, the reason why Michele Bachmann's unhinged "Anti-American" Hardball rant didn't cost Bachmann her job was that it was only barely over the top in her district. Consider "the times" of that week - that was at the height of Palin (mostly) and McCain whipping crowds into frenzies, the charges of socialism, pro-/anti-America divisions, and the real/imaginary state distinctions.

Bachmann is like the kinda nerdy kid who's on the fringe of the "in" crowd in high school by virtue of the fact that he was the best friend of the captain of the football team up until 5th grade. Eager to please, and easily caught up in the moment.

It's a crude analogy to be sure, but you can easily imagine a scenario where a group of high school girls and guys are razzing each other back and forth, largely in good nature. And the above-described kid jumps into the fray a little to earnestly with some over-the-top comment like, "oh yeah, you bitch...," which was intended to be within the spirit of the razzing, but just went one. step. too. far.

But, while it may look overheated to me, you, or 54% of America, Bachmann was, in her mind, operating well within the bounds of the then-ongoing national electoral conversation. I would be willing to bet that neither she, nor the majority of voters in her district thought she went too far, because they really believe that, in point of fact, Barack Obama is Anti-American. And to the extent he does not subscribe wholly to their view of America, their reasoning is at least logically sound - he is Anti-American, by their unique definition of what it is to be "American."

What these poor schmucks don't get is that their America is a distortion. For the most part, in our democracy, what America "is" is determined by majority rule. Those that would cast their ballot for Michele Bachmann don't seem to grasp that, and therefore, they can brand Obama a socialist, and turn around after he wins a resounding electoral victory and deny that the political beliefs of the nation have shifted leftward and say "well, this is still a center-right nation, so Obama's going to have a hard time governing."

To such Americans, I say, sorry folks. I hate to be the splash of cold water on your faces, but facts are the facts. Get outside of the echo chamber. I'm not asking you to agree with the liberal point of view, but know that we're out here. We're Americans. We love this country. And oh yeah, since 2004 we've been cleaning your clocks in national elections. So spare us the smug self-righteousness. I think if you turn around, you'll see that your claimed silent majority no longer has your back.

The Sarah Palin Files, Pt. 67

The John McLiar campaign is finally coming clean about the Sarah Palin debacle:



Sorry, but I don't find much virtue in all of this. This isn't "honesty." This is scapegoating. Not that I feel sorry for Sarah Palin for a second. Nope, that witch deserves her fate. But at the same time, I'm sure as hell not going to give McSwine and his crew any "credit" for telling us the truth about Sarah after the fact.

True, McCain's concession speech, from what I've seen and from all I've read, was as classy as his campaign was classless. Nevertheless, they lied to us for over two months. And to paraphrase the McCain campaign itself: underneath a pretty speech is the ugly truth - John McCain is a dishonorable liar.

A Beautiful (Election) Day

I hardly know what to say right now, and yet, I have so many thoughts running through my mind about the events of the last 48 hours that I don't even know where to start this blog post. So, I think I will just recap what was a rather remarkable day of playing hookey from work and volunteering for Obama on election day.

To quote my nemesis, Sarah Palin, when I got a particular email from the Obama campaign about volunteering on election day in the battleground state of Ohio, I didn't blink. Nor - unlike the sartorially resplendent Governor - did I *wink*.

But damned if it wasn't a long tedious day. I woke up at the unholy hour of 4 a.m., got my stuff together and headed out the door at 5 a.m. to go to a polling location in the Cincinnati suburb of Springdale, OH. It was a little over 30 minutes away, but I had set up an obsticle for myself: because I had inadvertantly left each and every travel coffee mug belonging to my household at the office, I HAD to stop and get coffee. The "droolers" working at McDonalds once again debased the word "fast" in order to serve me what they call "fast food," as well as two large coffees, for breakfast. Election Day, or as it will also be remembered, "the least nutritional day in Hot Rod Lincoln's life, ever," officially began.

Upon pulling into the Springdale polling location, there was a line waiting for the building to open. I am awful at estimating how many people were there, or how long the line was, but if my life depended on making such an estimation, I would say the line was 200-250 feet long, containing maybe 150 people (just to put that in perspective, this was probably 8-9% of the total vote at this location).

Now, Springdale is a pretty integrated area, but the ratio of African-Americans to whites in this line was, no kidding, about 12:1. And walking up on the line, the buzz was palpable. Seeing the faces of so many of these AA's coming out of the voting lines, the smiles on their faces, is something I'll never forget. I obviously cannot imagine what it is to live the black experience in America. I couldn't be more white if I tried. But this was a powerful moment for so many.

A couple of anecdotes:

I helped point a young AA man vote for the first time in his life. Granted, all I did was help him find the right voting precinct, but he had no clue about how to vote, what the hell a precinct was, and so forth. He said as much when telling me he didn't know what to do or where to go because it was his first time voting. He had what I'll call the prototypical "hip hop" look - ballcap, cocked sideways; shirt 4 sizes too large; "shorts" that went down to his ankles, belted not at his waste, but at about his testicles, etc. I have to believe that but for Barack Obama, this guy would have never exercised his right to vote, a right that so many AA's of prior generations fought so hard to secure. I imagine this would make the heroes of the civil rights struggle smile.

Early in the evening, I tried to help a mother and son (both AA) vote, despite a total clustefuck situation due to husband/dad's doing. For some reason (that I still don't understand), all three requested absentee ballots. When they received the absentee ballots, dad inadvertantly filled out his son's ballot, which "complicated" his ability to vote to say the least. While I'd like to say that we got a perfect resolution and the son was able to cast a regular ballot (he couldn't - had to cast a provisional), I was struck by the mom's passion about the franchise. This vote, at this moment, was of the utmost importance to her - probably like no ballot she had ever cast before. As a post-script to that story, I'll predict that the son's absentee ballot will get counted in the end.

While it was a zoo from 6 a.m. until about 8:30 a.m., the rest of the day was pretty calm. In fact 12:00 - 2:30 or so was very quiet. The lack of bustle made the day feel unbearably long.

But finally(!), 7:30 rolled around and the polls closed. The first of four precincts that posted its results showed McCain winning by 43 votes - 334-291. I was stunned. I immediately began to feel that sickening feeling I had in 2004 when Kerry lost - combined with the "here we go again" sensation that amplified the sickness I was feeling. Fortunately the second precinct showed an Obama win, giving Obama a precarious net lead. By the end, the four precincts gave Obama about a 160 vote victory and all was well.

Having been in basically radio blackout all day, I got on the horn with Nani J. Cootsack to find out what was going on nationally. I learned that my beloved, yet stubbornly racist Kentucky, got called for McCain - and fast - but that reliably blue Vermont had been called for Obama. The rest of the map was falling into place as everyone expected. Nani reported that Florida and Indiana were looking surprisingly good for Obama. But of course it was early. Virginia..... eh, not so much.

Virginia, for some reason took on great significance in my mind. If Virginia went sideways, I suspected the Bradley Effect was in fact alive and well. I stopped at a liquor store to get some beer, and got off the phone with Nani. While I was loitering in the beer cooler, Nani called.

"Give me some good news," I answered. Nani delivered. Pennsylvania had been called for Obama, thanks in no small measure to Jackie the Nose's endorsement here on the Triple-T. I exhaled. I bought some Abita beer (brewed in New Orleans - symbolism: obvious), and headed home where I proceeded to absolutely murder about 5 pieces of pizza and several breadsticks. As I consumed my bodyweight in junkfood, I thought to myself, "I'll never let the Republicans take me alive!" Then Ohio was called for Obama, and my eating habits looked a bit excessive in hindsight.

Sadly enough, however, getting up so early, slamming 4 beers and doing my best Chris-Farley-at-the-dinner-table impersonation led me to doze off when the election was called for Obama. I awoke at the end of his speech. Thanks to the miracle of DVR (which has partially eliminated my reliance on Delorean's equipped with flux capacitors), I was able to at least see the speech. While I missed the call of the election, I had been prepared enough to know that Pennsylvania + Ohio = Obama victory. Plus, there is this remarkable invention on the internets called "YouTube."

At the end of it all, it was a remarkable day. I may have more to say at some point, but for right now, I think I can sum it up with this: we took the country back. It's about damn time!

Many McCain supporters believe this is the "end of America as we know it..."

Along with, "this is another 9/11," on NPR's Morning Edition this morning, I heard a female supporter of McCain lamenting the election loss as the "end of America as we know it."

At first, I laughed out loud at how preposterous the notion was, thinking that she probably, like Sarah Palin, believes she'll see Jesus in her lifetime.

But the more I thought about it, I realized she might be right, and that made me happy.

It will, hopefully, be the end of the America that we've come to know for the following:
  • An America whose president not only fails to defend and uphold the Constitution but willingly violates it himself
  • An America whose government enters into wars under shadowy pretexts
  • An America whose government spies on its own citizens and detains them illegally
  • An America whose government supported torture of enemy combatants and which broke from the Geneva Convention
  • An America whose government told us to be vigilant and scared us with color-coded terrorist threat levels, yet told us to go to Disney World or to go shopping and have a good time
  • An America whose leaders deride homosexuals or prostitutes and then get caught in airport bathrooms soliciting BJs or found to be high-paying clients of female "escorts"
  • An America whose government is so spaghettied and focused on the "war on terror" and putting "freedom on the march" that they couldn't respond to Katrina properly, or keep up with the nation's infrastructure like in Minneapolis/St. Paul, or protect us against the current economic crisis
  • An America whose ruling party for 8 years (or 6 of 8 years) found its strength in divisive issues, which they relabel "Family Values," rather than protecting all families with prudent foresight of the real dangers that lurk, like the housing crisis.
  • An America whose people lived in fear of their own neighbors because they'd been conditioned to believe that they should be suspicious of Muslims, Mexicans, socialists, communists, gays, blacks, illegals, environmentalists, etc...
Fuck, I could go on but I have to work. But could you imagine if we'd have ended up with the candidate Ashley Todd wanted? The fear and hysteria on the right is deep and troubling. Thank God we are beginning to turn our back on it.

Anyway, I thought about it, and after hearing this woman on NPR, I thought, "I hope this idiot is right. I hope it is the 'end of America as we know it.'"

Well, at least the end as she and her remaining Bush 28% know it, because that America was depressing, divisive and made people psychotic.

Daughter of slave sees black man elected...

At 109, Slave's Daughter Revels In Historic Vote

November 5, 2008 · Born in 1899 in central Texas, Amanda Jones is the living link between the time when a black man could be owned as property and when a black man could be elected president of the United States. She calls Barack Obama's election "a blessing."

Republican Facebook Status Updates

BWAHAHAHAHAHA

______________ is drinking vodka and working. Something I won't have to do anymore when I wait for my Obama handout.

______________ is "look you have lots of candy! let me take half of it and give it to the kids too lazy to trick or treat!"

______________ says "And Obama is winning because uneducated fucks don't know any better. "It's cool to vote for Obama!" Too bad I'm an American, and a typical white person, or i might have voted for a marxist/socialist/racist ... i could go on all day"

_____________ is going to be sick. Let's all toss out good judgment and GOOD christian values.

_____________ is thinking about which country he wants to move too now that our next president is unfit to lead.

_____________ is severely depressed and not happy to live under a socialist.

__________ is figuring that Stalin is rolling in his grave in laughter wishing he would have only thought of using smoke and mirrors to lead America to socialism.

Grant Park

OBAMAPALOOZA

Comrades..........

......we did it!!!!!!

YES WE DID!





Do yourself a favor today. Check out the Newseum for all the daily newspaper headlines.

President Obama

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Stay Classy, McCain Supporters

McCain's speech was gracious. Andrew Sullivan sums it up well:

It was very classy, very moving, and finally worthy of the man we once thought we knew. Alas, his crowd was as ugly as he was gracious. I fear what will now become of the GOP.

TTT Calls the Race for Obama before CNN or Fox

Only Fivethirtyeight.com beat us.
YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Joe the Plumber tried to vote at wrong place...

Hat tip, Wonkette. Money quote:

Wonkette operative “Tribe” reports from Ohio:

I’m an Obama inside observer in Toledo. Rumor has it, heard from other observers, that Joe the Plumber attempted to cast a ballot in the wrong precinct. Rumor also has it that he was stopped by a City of Toledo police officer in the last few days for speeding … but Joe the Plumber insisted on the officer contacting the officer’s supervisor to let him know “who he was giving a ticket to.”

Joe, welcome back to obscurity.

Hi Ho, Ohio!

Hot Rod, I have to believe you played some part in this. You, as well as, Natalie Portman, P Diddy, and Bill KKKunningham.

Jackie the Nose, we owe you one!

We're almost there. To get to this point, I'd like to thank Jackie the Nose, my grandma, and the Philadelphia Flyers fans.

Obama Wins...


the Dixville Notch and Hart's Location vote over John McCain, 15-6 and 17-10 respectively! That's 32 to 16 so far... Just over 100 million people to go!

Unfortunately, the New Hampshire early vote is not exactly predictive.

Obama votes

Just before 9 am EST, 8 am Chicago time, Barack Obama and wife Michelle, joined by daughters Malia and Sasha, cast their votes for president. Looking relaxed, Obama greeted fellow voters and joked with his family. Robert Gibbs was also with them, waiting by the door.

Barack Obama, if president, "will take away summer."

According to a classmate of my 7-year old, likely the one who said that Obama wanted women "to not have babies," Barack Obama wants to "take away summer" and will do so if elected president today. Upon further questioning of my child, this student purportedly does not claim that Obama would heroically halt global warming or cause the Earth's northern hemisphere to permanantly away from the sun, nor would he magically cause "change we can freeze in" to the warmest season when Americans normally enjoy swimming pools and trips to the beach; rather Barack Obama will, according to the sage learnings of a 7-year old spawn of a McCain supporter, legislate the end of summer vacation cherished by school-aged kids nationwide.
A Georgia Tech freshman, who ostenibly hates summer and the BBQs, fireworks, and fun that go with it, laughs at the idea that she'll never experience free-time again during her college years. (Courtesy AJC.com)

So, any of you fence-sitters who have yet to visit the polls at this 11th hour, be advised. A vote for Obama is a vote against summertime, and a vote against summertime is a vote against JTMs, the WEBN Fireworks, Graeter's ice cream, Hudy Delight delicious lager, Reds baseball, Devou Park and good-old good times. And we all know that it takes all these things to make babies, so a vote for Obama is also, clearly, a vote against babies.

Wow, Obama really doesn't want women to have babies. Clearly.

YES WE CAN