Training for Ground Warfare and Hand-To-Hand Combat with Republicans

Today I begin my training. I am taking off work on Election Day to be a poll observer for the Obama campaign in the battleground state of Ohio. Training, as I understand it, is going to involve some Rocky Balboa style calesthenics - i.e., boxing against sides of beef in meat lockers, pulling up loads of rocks in nets via a pulley system, running through the snow, chasing chickens, running on the beach with Apollo Creed, etc.

The way I see it, there's only one way the Republicans can win this election - by stealing it. Which is exactly what they did in Ohio in 2004.

Well, not this time - at least not in the polling precinct I am assigned to. Republicans won't dare try to disenfrancise Obama voters when they see me dressed up in the red, white, and blue silk boxing shorts and ready to do battle.

I truly hope it is an uneventful day on Tuesday, but if not, there's only one question: who's got my bail money?