Wednesday, August 13, 2008

TTT Exclusive: Stretch, Mark Reports from China Olympics

This just in from Stretch, Mark, who is currently in Tianjin, China, "on business." Stretch is traveling the Orient, traversing the entire Great Wall, looking to import some "quality products" for "use" in the U.S. While there, Stretch did some investigative work. TTT asked him to uncover flaws in the purportedly superior language abilities of the Chinese. In no time, Stretch uncovered some dandies, the first being at the USA - Japan soccer match:
"Notice the scoreboard pic? grammatics in china are hilarious -- "olympic mens football tournaments beijing." that's not even one of the worse. i saw one that said "don't drive tiredly" with a smile face type picture of a guy with Xs as eyes. classic. i saw one in an airport once that read, "please check in all alcoholics at the desk."
--Stretch, Mark, live & on location for TTT Action News
The Stretch-Man also discovered hordes of Chinese fans whose Anglophilia caused them to incessantly snap photos of anyone with remotely Caucasoid features. Take a look at this shot - the subject is a tall Dutch voetbal fan, garbed in traditional bright orange.Flash photographic chaos persisted throughout the match and was aimed at the Dutch fans, and while no one was hurt, one Chinese official thought they may have inadvertently set off some more of the fake fireworks left over from the Opening Ceremonies.

The Dutch were not the only objects of Chinese camera attention; reportedly Stretch had his photo taken dozens of times as he posed with assorted Asian admirers. At the suggestion that the TTT southeast Asian correspondent charge money to the picture takers, or, better yet, have them take shots of his Slim Jim, Stretch quickly explained: "they needed a wide lens for dong shots."
Wide lens or microscope?

So, Stretch, keep the photos coming, and in the next batch see what you can uncover about the country's "16-year old" gymnastic team. Maybe you can play tooth fairy and look for evidence under their pillows. Careful. Actually, all you may find in their rooms may be the Spanish basketball team, slumbering during their daily siesta, stomachs full of sangria and paella.

Tricky Trails, Stretch!

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