A Big Donkey, a Dallas Buck and two PTBNLs

Adam “Big Donkey” Dunn was traded to the Arizona Diamondbacks today for Dallas Buck and two “players to be named later.” The people of Cincinnati, who have been exposed 270 big donkey dongs over the past eight years are not sure on how to take the news. Here is a break down of peoples’ reactions:

Rednecks – Extremely pissed off. Why? Number 44 “Git-R-Dunn” jerseys are no longer in style (they were in style?).

Perverts – Indifferent. Why? Don’t get them wrong, they loved admiring the donkey dongs; however, with Dallas Buck mustache day (a la Arroyo hair/hat day) they will be able to attend at least one game without looking extremely creepy.

People who admire good baseball – Very happy. Why? They no longer have to put up with the pointless HRs, the poor fielding, the .232 batting average, and the overall “donkey-ness.”

Cincinnati Zoo Donkeys – Grateful. Why? They like the attention Dunn brought to their kind, but they pale in comparison to his 500 foot dongs.

At the end of the day the Big Donkey and his dongs will be missed in the ‘Nati. There are now large, gaping holes left all over Cincinnati baseball, holes that were previous pleased by huge Donkey Dongs, most notably, the now-empty, echoing orifice of a certain sub-Mendoza, 5’7”, 135-lb centerfielder - his only contribution to the team.