Player to Be Named in Dunn Trade Includes Rob Lowe

According to a reliable source, the Cincinnati Reds will acquire Micah Owings, seen left with an obvious implied commitment to write for the TTT, from the Arizona Diamondbacks after the season is over. They would have picked him up sooner, but Reds' good friend and recent Latin scouting embezzler Jim Bowden decided to block the waiver transfer - he was able to do this because his team, the Nationals, where Reds go to die, sucks worse than the Reds themselves. It is also rumored that Owings ' transfer is being held up because he is injured.

The other player thought to be in the deal is Rob Lowe, the sex-crazed Hollywood Hunk who is currently battling sex charges filed by a former "nanny."

TTT caught up with Lowe, who stated, "It is an honor to be mentioned in the same sentence with the Big Donkey. I mean, what I could do with donkey dongs like his! This b*tch nanny wouldn't be alive today if I'd had the "talent" and raw-dog power of Adam Dunn - that boy is country strong!

Any Reds fans wanting to get a leg up on their peers in terms of Reds memorabilia might want to check out the auction of a Rob Lowe-autographed print of the new acquisition in his new uni.

Lowe is expected to be a Ball Boy.