Friday, August 29, 2008

Wanna Funk?

I'm going to be a dad soon. It's my first go.........yes, one finally hit the target!
Pregnancy is strange for the father to be. First of all there is relief. All that "research" I did during my youth didn't render me infertile after all (and i still have 20/20 vision too).
Then I became extremely paranoid. For the first 12 weeks the watch word is "miscarriage". I quickly realised the doctors have no idea what causes this. Oh they have a long list of do nots, which, if adhered to, stops her from doing and eating just about any thing..... "don't eat certain fish, cheese, ham, steak, etc, etc...........don't run, walk, sleep, sit, stand, bend, crouch..........."
After paranoia comes guilt. She gets big while I loose weight through worry. The normal female insecurity questions become more frequent.
"Am I getting bigger?" she enquires.
How do I answer that? The usual default answer should always be no.....every male knows that! But, come on, you're pregnant.....of course you're bloody massive!
I took the easy way out.
"You always look gorgeous" that way I can skip the size question. It's not a lie, she always does, but still the guilt piles on as you start to wonder weather the weight gain is permanent.

We are close to the D-Day. Not long to go now. We have started discussing names. I've started worrying about names. A name can make or break a person. It defines us as a human, and I've discovered this is the hardest part.
You want the name to be cool and memorable. But not memorable in the - David Bowie named his kid Zowie, kind of a way - more the Elvis, Barack (manage to work in something political) Madonna.
During my research I came across this list of apparently the strangest baby names:

Here, in ascending order of weirdness, are the 20 strangest:
20: Wanna Funk
19: United States
18: Lotta Bacon
17: Hysteria Johnson
16: Waitress Seholley
15: Nail Rambo
14: Jump Jump
13: Tackle Feigenbutz
12: Mustard M.Mustard
11: Jelly Bean Cook
10: Fat Meat Fields
9: Geography Bryan
8: Zero Pie
7: Cylinder Klinefelter
6: Nice Veal
5: Cylclops Walthour
4: Envy Burger
3: Cancer Grindstaff
2: Young Boozer
1: Dracula Taylor

Some body actually named there kid Wanna Funk? Why? Actually, that is kinda cool.
Maybe I should stop worrying and name my kid something that is in the popular lexicon at this moment in time...... How about P.O.W? Guantanamo? Disenfranchised? Oil?

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