John McCain, Liar (the latest in what promises to be a never-ending series of reports)

Now that I've purged those touchy-feel-y, tear-in-my-beer, feelings over the Griffey departure, it's time to tee-off again on that God Damn weasel, John McSlime.

The Fucking Bastard! I will just quote this article:

Obama’s cancellation of a visit in Germany to visit wounded U.S. troops has been adequately explained: that his campaign was advised by the Pentagon that since Obama was on a campaign trip and spending campaign resources, it would be viewed as using the wounded as props whether cameras were allowed in the hospital or not.

This ad asserts a McCain campaign talking-point that Obama wouldn’t make time for wounded troops unless cameras were allowed to follow him, but did make time to work out at a gym. This, of course, is a lie. It’s a blatant lie. Steve Schmidt, a disciple of Karl Rove’s who worked on George W. Bush’s 2004 ad/communications effort, though, is playing the Rovian playbook that says that it doesn’t matter if it’s true as long as your target audience (non-college educated white working class voters) won’t bother to find out the actual truth, and believe that it “sounds like it might be a true.”

[]

What the McCain campaign doesn’t want people to know, according to one GOP strategist I spoke with over the weekend, is that they had an ad script ready to go if Obama had visited the wounded troops saying that Obama was...wait for it...using wounded troops as campaign props. So, no matter which way Obama turned, McCain had an Obama bashing ad ready to launch. I guess that’s political hardball. But another word for it is the one word that most politicians are loathe to use about their opponents—a lie.

Where's that so-called "maverick" John McCain who pledged to run a civil campaign??? The lying liar!

An Unusually Sentimental Post From The Hot Rod

I know no one will believe it, but I am going to actually post a blog that doesn't blast that lying, two-faced, piece of shit, John McAsshole, or his wife, the resident of a glass house who freely casts stones, the Plastered Trollop.

For those of us who are fans of Ken Griffey, Jr., it's a tough day, one of admittedly mixed emotions. Junior was traded to the Chicago White Sox, one of approximately ten MLB teams that I don't give a shit about. The end of the Griffey era in Cincinnati, it seems, has now come.

I will never forget when the Reds obtained Griffey. Since the last championship this town has seen in the last 30 years was the Reds' 1990 World Series triumph, it may strain credulity to say that landing Griffey felt like winning a championship, but it did. That's not to say that I thought that Griffey's signing was going to per se guarantee a championship; rather, winning the Griffey sweepstakes was a victory in and of itself that suddenly validated the God-forsaken baseball town of Cincinnati.

Of course, as with everything else with Cincinnati, things fell apart. Cincinnati, for those who don't know, has a congenital inability to get out of its own way. So, being a product of its environment, the Reds did not build a winner around Junior. They gave him a starting rotation full of re-treads (i.e., Paul Wilson), pretenders (i.e., Eric Milton), and pitchers who wouldn't be in major league baseball otherwise (i.e., Jimmy Anderson [yeah, exactly: "WHO???"]).

Everyone saw it, and would have understood if Junior complained. But he never did.

It is naturally a bit difficult to bitch when you spend so much time on the Disabled List that you have your mail forwarded there. And this was as much a part of the "Griffey in Cincinnati" storyline as anything else. The number and extent of the injuries Griffey had here were staggering. The popular move in Southwestern Ohio was to blame Griffey himself for the injuries. These criticisms come from those weekend warriors whose entire frame of reference is how sore they get on Monday if they play in their Sunday "beer-league" softball game without stretching first, reasoning that "clearly" Griffey doesn't stretch enough, and "obviously" this is why, for example, his hamstring tendon tore completely off the bone when he was running down a fly ball in the outfield. (Note: these same people don't need medical degrees to validate their opinions - they have Season 1 of Grey's Anatomy on DVD and have watched every. single. episode).

As Griffey has climbed the ladder on the all-time homerun list, it has been noted time and time again, that Griffey never engages in surmise about "What Might Have Been?" but for all of these injuries.

It has often occurred to me that, in the (unlikely) event that the spell of conservatism is broken and everyone wakes up, Cincinnati, Ohio will be the last bastion of the radical right. And if those people actually believed in the "conservative principles" of personal responsibility, accountability, and the rejection of self-victimization, Ken Griffey, Jr., would be their poster boy. And yet, the locals seem to have an itchy trigger finger when it comes to criticizing Griffey.

Indeed, it is simply amazing to me how much flack Junior caught from some quarters in Cincinnati, even after everyone finally admitted the obvious about the role of steroids and other performance enhancing drugs in the surge of home runs in the late 1990's and into this decade. As everyone knows, Junior skated through with his reputation completely untarnished by even a whispered suggestion that his accomplishments were chemically enhanced. This alone should have had the city putting Junior up on a pedistal.

In fact, my admiration for Junior actually grew as his productivity decreased. At 38, he's going to hit, what? Maybe 25 home runs this year - a year in which he has remained healthy. In 2001, steroid posterboy, Barry Bonds hit 73 homeruns at the age of 36. He followed that up with years of 46, 45, and 45 at the ages of 37, 38, and 39. Griffey's decreased production corresponds to the natural deterioration of an aging body. Bonds? Well, do I need to spell it out? You know what line is coming next ...

What I respect the most is that Ken Griffey, Jr. was someone that I could point out to the Warm Rod as representing the "right way" to play the game. And the Warm Rod would predictably respond, "I don't like baseball." Ah, from the mouths of babes.....

But anyway, the point is this: was Griffey the player he once was? Of course not. Was his production worth his salary? Probably not. Is he a class act worthy of more respect than he was given in the ass-backwards city of Cincinnati? Yeah - it's a no-brainer.

And is the Hot Rod feeling a little melancholy over how Griffey's homecoming turned out and sad to see the starstruck fairytale end? Damn skippy, I am. So much so that I can overlook Griffey's throat-shashing gesture at Jeff Brantly last week. Eight years of constant losing, constant (unwarranted) criticism, injuries, and the slow realization that your career is winding down with goals left unrealized will cause one to step out of character from time to time.

Good bye and Godspeed, Ken Griffey, Jr.

And .....

Let's go ChiSox!!!!!!

(*sigh* Will the Reds ever be relevant in September again??)

The US Treasury Dept. / Bin Laden Conspiracy

The truth is out there ..... -er, somewhere......

"Hey, That Dead Chick Is Pretty Hot!!"

Nope, not this time.

Despite what the title of this post may suggest, it is not about the Plastered Trollop, and the typical reaction from those seeing her from more than 200 feet away.

Sadly, this is about a true story coming out of sleepy Cincinnati, Ohio that not even the producers and writers of Law & Order SVU are sick and depraved enough to think up.

No shit: In 1982 a woman was stabbed to death in her suburban Cincinnati home. A man was convicted of her murder and rape. He denied the rape, and DNA evidence eventually showed that, in fact, he did not commit the rape. That same DNA evidence now suggests a DNA match..... with an man who was an employee of the Hamilton County, Ohio (that's Cincinnati) morgue.

For those who need the dots connected, I quote the Cincinnati Enquirer story:

Douglas is accused of having sex with the woman’s uncleaned body after it had been stored in more refrigeration for four hours awaiting an autopsy the next day.

Yes, allegedly, the dude f*cked a dead body! That's not a punchline to a gross-out joke, that's actually the allegation. The thought is so disgusting, so out-of-bounds, that I actually had to censor the word, "fucked" just then. Did you notice that? Yeah, it's that bad.

For once, this overused cliche:

“In a case like this, you are tempted to refer to (Douglas) as an animal but that really isn’t fair to animals. They don’t do things like this. He is one sick dude,” Assistant Prosecutor Mark [Piepmeier] said after the brief arraignment.

.... is actually warranted.

To paraphrase a lyric from The Smiths' song, "Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now," what this guy did, Caligula would have blushed...

The Giambi Turdstache - Facial Hair Plagarism Run Amok.

Out of 162 games, the Yankees and the Red Sox play each other 118 times, each of which are televised on ESPN, because the Yankees and the Red Sox are the only baseball teams that matter, and America cares about no other teams. Just take ESPN's word for it.

In case you missed it - and really, how could you - the Boston Red Sox and the New York Yankees played for the 73rd, 74th, and 75th time this season over the weekend. I know this because I tuned into ESPN four or five different times, and it was the one and only thing that was being discussed or broadcast. Oh yeah, that and something about former spelling bee champion, Brett Favre, pondering retirement or something like that.

Anyway, I hate ESPN. I hate how ESPN parades around as though they are "reporting" on sports, as though they are "journalists" or something. All they are is the marketing arm for whatever sport they are broadcasting. Exhibit A is how ESPN, like most of America (including the Hot Rod), totally ignored Arena Football....... until, of course, ESPN got the contract to broadcast AFL games, and then suddenly, it is a legitimate sport. That's one example. Do I even need to mention that when I think of college basketball and ESPN, I hear the sound of Mike Krzyzewski's balls rhythmically slapping against Dick Vitale's chin? No? I didn't think so.

One other story that ESPN has totally glossed over - no doubt because of its obvious East Coast bias - is that of renowned steroid abuser, Jason Giambi's turdstache. What is a turdstache? It is, as so aptly described by Nani J. Cootsack, a big brown, round mustache that looks like a turd laid across one's upper lip.

Gee, where did Giambi ever get such an idea? He wouldn't have, say, stolen that idea from a certain group of well-behaved gentlemen who lit St. Louis on fire last September with their mustaches, would he? I don't suppose that he got together with some of his baseball buddies and, in between beers, stories of pitches fouled off, and injections of HGH, learned how Conway Bangs and his crew, including the Hot Rod, drove the women wild.

OF COURSE, ESPN cannot report on this. Turdstaches are about to be the "it" facial hair style, and it just wouldn't do if the style originated in the midwest, now would it? Nope. when the turdstache is all the rage (and all of those Fred Durst wannabes with the mustache-less beards finally get all the ridicule they deserve), the storyline will already have been written: the turdstache, like all fashionable things, originated in New York.

But we know better.

Obama Impacts 200,000 in Berlin, McCain Impacts a Dozen Jars of Pickles in Aisle 2

This is priceless.

John McCain, Liar (the latest in a continuing, blah, blah, blah...)

John, just stop.

You're digging a deeper hole.

No one believes your illogical bullshit.

What Does Your Name Mean?

In a movie full of classic lines, Bruce Willis' boxer, "Butch Coolidge" in Pulp Fiction delivered a zinger in response to this question from a sultry cab driver, saying, "I'm an American baby, our names don't mean shit."

Not so in New Zealand. There, names mean, well, I'm not sure. Nine-year-old "Talula Does the Hula From Hawaii" - yes, that's her given name (take a minute and let that sink in: her parents actually named her that) - was made a ward of the New Zealand Court so her name could be changed to something a little less humiliating.

Makes me wonder, where was this judge when actor Jason Lee named his son, Pilot Inspektor Riesgraf Lee.

John McCain, Liar (the second report of the day)

On McCain's claim of "victory."

Jerry Hairston Jr. is Cosby's Elvin

Kudos to this Yahoo! Sports blog which picked up on a detail in a recent interview with the Hairston brothers.
I will argue that in the lower left picture, Elvin looks a bit like a lighter-skinned Dmitri Young.

John McCain, Liar (the latest in a continuing series of reports)

John McCain to the Iraqis: "We're McStayin'"

As any astute observer of history knows, a flux capacitor is what makes time-travel possible. Simply build one into a De Lorean, set the controls for the time to which you wish to travel, accelerate to 88 mph, and voila!

Time Travel.

Well, apparently, the McCain campaign has put out the requisition orders for one, or perhaps multiple, flux capacitors and De Loreans to go back and revisit the end of 2006 / beginning of 2007 timeframe. Like Doc Brown and Marty McFly who (inadvertantly) set the world careening on a different trajectory with a misplaced sports almanac, John "We're McStayin'" wants to rewrite the history of the "Surge."

"Great Scott!"

This blog post gives the account. Money Quote:

Note to self: if I ever run for President and decide to stake everything on my understanding of one thing, I should familiarize myself with the basic facts about it. I should be especially careful to do this before I say something like this about someone who got it right: "I don't know how you respond to something that is such a false depiction of what actually happened."

John McCain (quoting Huey Lewis): "Gotta Get Back. In. Time...."

UPDATE: Another excellent Dick Polman analysis, here. Quote:

McCain, naturally, wants the electorate to focus exclusively on the surge. And, yes, as it turns out, he was basically right about the surge (while overstating its prowess, as we shall see in a moment). But the surge, lest we forget, was basically a last-ditch tactic that was designed to mitigate a national security disaster, to get the conflagration under control. McCain was an early, unquestioning enabler of the invasion that sparked the conflagration. He helped set the whole house on fire (at a cost thus far of 4125 American lives and half a trillion dollars), yet now he wants to be reap political reward from the fact that he helped hose down some of the flames.

Nor does McCain talk much about some of the other factors, often cited by U.S. intelligence and military sources, that have contributed to the lessening of violence - such as the Shiite militia cease-fire, and the growing opposition, among Sunni tribal leaders, to the insurgents who fight in the name of al Qaeda. Indeed, the Sunni revolt against al Qaeda (commonly called "the awakening"), began in Iraq's Anbar province in autumn '06 - roughly four months before President Bush even announced his decision to hike the troop levels.

And by the way, take note of that accurate Sunni timeline - because McCain got his facts confused again late yesterday, when he mangled the timeline. (McCain has been factually confused a lot lately, as the Washington press corps is finally acknowledging.) According to the transcript of a CBS News interview, McCain credited the surge with sparking the awakening. In his words, "because of the surge, we were able to go out and protect (the Sunni shieks). And it began the Anbar awakening. I mean, that's just a matter of history."

Maybe in his mind it is, but not in factual reality world. The U.S. military spoke publicly about Sunni leaders' revolt against the insurgents long before the surge. In a press briefing on Sept. 29, 2006, Col. Sean McFarland said that the insurgents had been doing well earlier in the year, but "this is a different phenomena that's going on right now...The tribal leaders are stepping forward and cooperating with the Iraqi security forces against al Qaeda, and it's had a very different result. I think al Qaeda has been pushed up against the ropes by this."

McCain Strategist: "We're Fucked."

Attribution to the title of this post, here.

These Maliki comments are going to be a gamechanger on Iraq. McSame can't paint Obama as out of touch on Iraq when the democratically elected prime minister of Iraq endorses Obama's withdrawal plan and says that John "Maybe a Hundred Years" McStay's approach is only going to cause further troubles.

Another fine analysis here (also, I like how the Bush White House released Maliki's comments to the press, when they actually meant to circulate it internally; if that isn't representative of the ineptitude of the Bush presidency, nothing is).

This Is A Fine Mess You've Gotten Yourself Into Now, John McCain...

You gotta love it: Iraqi Prime Minister Maliki says that the Iraqis want US troops out of Iraq and that Obama's 16-month time table for withdraw - the one John McStubborn and those of his ilk call "dishonorable," a "surrender," and overall un-American - sounds pretty reasonable to him and his countrymen.

I think I just heard a toilet flush somewhere in the McCain camp. Here's a good analysis of what it all means. Money quote:

On Iraq, McCain begins with a huge disadvantage: he advocated the invasion of Iraq, which most Americans feel was a mistake. (He's always urging voters to look back and consider who showed good judgment on the surge, but he doesn't want them to look too far back, lest they find themselves thinking about who showed good judgment on the invasion.) He therefore has to argue something like this: now that we're in this mess, we need someone we can trust, someone who will be able to manage this catastrophe as well as possible. McCain is solid. Obama is untested, inexperienced, risky. There was always a problem with this story: namely, it involves saying that we should trust McCain, who made the wrong call on invasion, over Obama, who got it right. But sowing doubts is pretty much all McCain has.

This got a lot harder last week, before Maliki's comments.

First the Bush administration started [] negotiating with Iran, as Obama had suggested; then McCain essentially adopted Obama's position on Afghanistan; then the Bush administration agreed to what they called a "general time horizon"for withdrawing troops. (Wait: now it's "Joint aspirational time horizons"!) McCain and Bush seemed to be adopting Obama's positions all over the place. For a risky, inexperienced novice, Obama seemed to have gotten a lot of things right. And for an experienced, serious old hand with a command of foreign policy, McCain seemed to be spending a lot of time playing catch-up. And every time Obama gets to say, in effect, 'Hi, John! What took you so long?', McCain's only winning message gets that much weaker.
(McCain was also starting to undercut his own message. Both his budget plan and his Afghanistan plan relied on troops being withdrawn from Iraq. A lot of troops. McCain was already counting on people not noticing this.)

So even before Maliki said a word, McCain was in a pretty tough position. Two weeks ago, he had some pretty sharp differences with Obama. McCain wanted to stay in Iraq indefinitely, and cast any idea of leaving as dishonorable, as a way of risking the gains of the surge in order to embrace defeat. Obama wanted to withdraw from Iraq and send more troops to Afghanistan. By two days ago, McCain was left with basically two messages: (a) timetables would be a disaster, and Obama's embrace of them just shows how naive he is; and (b) McCain got the surge right and Obama got it wrong. It's a pretty weak foundation for a candidacy.

It was against this backdrop that Maliki comes out in favor of Obama's proposal to withdraw combat troops from Iraq in 16 months (though he is careful not to endorse Obama.) McCain has to call Obama naive on Iraq. But that is a lot harder to do if Maliki agrees with Obama. It's hard to say that Maliki is insufficiently familiar with the facts on the ground. It's hard to call him naive. And whatever you think of Maliki's motives, it's also a lot more complicated to make the case that he doesn't know or care what's best for his country. In Presidential elections, uncomplicated cases are key. "Obama has only been in the Senate for three years; he doesn't have the experience to get Iraq right" is an uncomplicated case. There is no such uncomplicated explanation for Maliki's being wrong.

Tricky Trail Fashion Sense

For only $30 plus shipping you too could own a fashionable Tricky Trail semacode T which will be sure to let all the geeks in your neighborhood know how f-ing awesome you are.
Act now while supplies last!

Czechoslovakia??

Wait, wait, wait....

Let me try to wrap my brain around this: in 2000, George Dubya Fucking Bush, displayed a firmer grasp of foreign relations than 5'6" 2008 Republican Presidential Nominee, John McSame???

McCain: "D'oh!"

It's true. Apparently, McMoron either stubbornly refuses to accept the fact that Czechoslovakia became two nations in 1993, or (not to sound like a broken record, but ...) he really is the senile, and impotent 72-year-old we all know him to be.

But don't take my word for it. Let's listen to the "Rode Scholar" (misspelling intentional) himself, Dubya. Quoting from this article:

let’s not forget that in the 2000 campaign, when McCain also screwed up Czechoslovakia, it was none other than George W. Bush who said it deserved to be a campaign issue: “A guy gets up and quizzes me [on world leaders] … but John McCain says something about the ‘ambassador to Czechoslovakia.’ Well, I know there is no Czechoslovakia [there’s a Czech Republic and a Slovakia], but yet it didn’t make the nightly national news.”

Not to belabor the point (well, ok, I am trying to belabor it), but how stupid do you have to be to get corrected by Dubya Bush of all people?

Homey-Schooling

Opponents of homey-schooling cite substandard academic quality, lack of socialization with peers and other bullshit. Well, here’s what Bert and Ernie have to say about that.

This video was brought to you by the letters F and U!

When I Accepted Jesus As My Personal Lord and Savior .......... At Gunpoint.

Kids. Church. Guns.

Stepping stones along the pathway to eternal salvation (at least on the part of the pathway that traverses Oklahoma). I used to think this kind of thing was merely the stuff of parody. Apparently, I was wrong:

An Oklahoma baptist church has insisted it will proceed with its controversial plan to give away an AR-15 semiautomatic assault rifle* during a youth conference - a move described as "a way of trying to encourage young people to attend the event", according to local Koko 5 news.

Windsor Hills Baptist apparently has a history of worshipping God through firepower, and last year ran a shooting competition as part of its annual shindig. This year, it reportedly shelled out $800 for said trophy semi, but the church’s youth pastor, Bob Ross, claimed the main thrust of the conference wasn't about guns but rather "teens finding faith".

Outrage

I'm outraged at the outrage over outrage. It's all so.... what's the word? .... outrageous.

Matthew McConaughey: Kid Detective

Our good buddy Joey Kern wrote this with the help of the Funny or Die folks; it stars his nephew, Gus, and niece, Sunny Jo. Enjoy:

See more funny videos at Funny or Die

Radiohead's House of Cards

Look Ma, no camera:

In Radiohead's new video for "House of Cards", no cameras or lights were used. Instead, 3D plotting technologies collected information about the shapes and relative distances of objects. The video was created entirely with visualizations of that data.

Directed by James Frost
From the album IN RAINBOWS

The "making of ...." video:

Insomnia Reveals Hot Rod Lincoln's World View

Insomnia is a bitch. I blame John McCain, George Dubya Fucking Bush, the Republican Party, the Plastered Trollop, Mitch McConnell, and Rush Limbaugh. They are to blame for everything else, why not this?

The Hot Rod in happier, sleepier (read: drunker) times.

But I shouldn't be so negative. So before I get back to working my ass off to get to sleep, I offer an olive branch, and a kind thought to which you can wake in the morning:(I know what you're thinking, and no, that's not mine. Unfortunately.)

Note to Next Prez: Appoint Matt Harding to Lead Foreign Policy

Thanks to O'Shmeer for sending this my way. You can click the link to watch, or you can watch a smaller version via the video bar on the right (top video).

Nani thinks we need to invest in more pirate dancing than things like missile defense and airport security. Seriously, if airport security asked each passenger to do an impromptu jig, they could detect a person with sinister intentions pretty quickly - plus, everyone would get a laugh.

"Goodbye from the world's biggest polluter."

Comedian George Dubya Bush at the G8 Conference

I'm at a total loss. Not even I could make up a story like this.

Goodbye to you, Dubya. January cannot get here soon enough.

John McCain, Liar (Continued)

Seriously, WTF?

How can John McCain attack Barack Obama over a vote McCain claims he cast on the floor of the senate and that he claims Obama didn't vote on....... when in fact, McCain didn't vote on it either??

Either John McCain is the senile, impotent 72-year-old he looks to be, or he is L-Y-I-N-G, lying.

I think it is the latter. Forget shame - John McCain, have you no soul?

Story here.

Jesse Jackson Supports Eunuch for President

Before appearing on Fox News for an interview and unaware that his mic was "hot," the good reverend, Jesse Jackson, quipped to another guest, "See, Barack been, um, talking down to black people on this faith based... I want to cut his nuts off... Barack... he's talking down to black people."

Obama smiles unsuspectingly as Jackson attempts castration last winter.

Jackson later publicly regretted his statement and made a claim which veered off-course and described his own nether-region, "My support for Senator Obama's campaign is as wide, deep and unequivocal as my own lathered hatchet wound... seriously, it's a drenched chasm down there."

Pete Rose, Kabbalah Master

Recently, two interesting reports have surfaced about Alex Rodriguez, the 32-year old Yankee slugger, and one-time baseball darling who would return baseball's home run title from the tainted taint that is Barry Bonds.

The stories have had little to do with baseball and more to do with the icons A-Rod's had dealings with off the diamond, and now baseball fans aren't so sure their last best hope for taking back what Bonds stole is such a righteous recipient.

The first story was actually kind of cute, taken out of context. It involved Alex Rodriguez, master of shredding the stat sheet (into more pieces than his life at the moment) during the season, but master of choking on more "sliders" in the postseason than a fabled Debbie once did in A-Rod's former baseball town of Dallas (okay, the Rangers play in Arlington, but who's counting?).

The story also involved Pete Rose, the banished Hit King who once ruled the diamond on both the levels of career statistics and world championships (why MLB's title taker is crowned "world" champ is beyond me - we never even play the European squads and I hear Lichtenstein has some mean hurlers).

Pete's mark in the latter category drew the interest of perpetual bridesmaid A-Rod, so much so, that the Yankee third baseman, to learn from the master the secret to winning a championship, ventured to a mall in Las Vegas where Pete now feeds himself by signing "Sorry I bet on baseball" for $299.ESPN's Tom Friend does a good job of describing the evolution of the relationship of A-Rod and Pete; or does he? Sure, the details regarding text messages between Mr. Ty-Cobb-Can-Suck-It and Mr. Post-Season No-Show are neat, at best, with Charlie Hustle telling A-Rod to "hit the ball hard somewhere" or "know the pitchers," but Friend fails to understand the deeper role of Rose in the life of A-Rod, clues of which reveal themselves in a more recent story about the Bronx boob.

Story number two involves a wannabe Jew who had the misfortune of being born Italian Catholic and named after a certain virgin mother of Jesus. "Madonna Ciccone," I imagine, makes it harder to convincingly say, "Hey, I'm a Jew," or "I'm fucking Matt Damon," than if she were named, say, "Sarah Silverman."

Either way, the cone-titted 49-year old pop has-been, whose most recent claim-to-fame was making out with freakshows Britney Spears and Dennis Rodman, is said to have "brainwashed" A-Rod in the ways of Kabbalah and even guided him to a Kabbalah master who has led A-Rod through a rite of passage known as "cleaning out the vessel" where the newbie gets rid of the old and brings in the new, according to a Fox Sports report.

In A-Rod's case, getting rid of the old appears to incorporate ditching his wife and 2 children, one of which is his baby daughter with whom the slugger has spent at least several quality minutes of fatherhood over the course of a few visits. Apparently A-Rod lost interest in the tike when she couldn't pitch batting practice to him in the hospital's neo-natal care facility. In reaction, Cynthia Rodriguez has fled with her children to Italy, to the home of rocker Lenny Kravitz, who is clearly an adulterer.

Several rabbis' names have been floated in reports and attributed to Madonna's kabbalah connections and her brainwashing of A-Rod, including Rabbi Michael Berg and Rabbi Eitan Yardeni.

However, one rabbi, despite the crack-journalism of Tom Friend, has remained unconnected to the A-Rod/C-Rod/Madonna controversy, despite his clear contact with the baseball star.

Rabbi Peter Edward Rose (born Rosenkrantz), who many would suspect to be a blue-collar church-goer (okay, maybe church is a stretch) from the Western Hills neighborhood in Cincinnati, was actually a Jew. In fact, Charlie Hustle's Jewishness is so far under the radar that even the most "right"-minded folks have discredited the notion, though not all, and he's even been left off the viral list of famous Jewish athletes.

Reached for comment by TTT, the Hit King exclaimed, "Bupkis, that's all this A-Rod connection has gotten me! Bupkis!"

Meanwhile, Marge Schott, with one cigarette in her hand and one in her mouth, rolled over in her grave, which also contained the bones of three dead St. Bernards.

Because I Can't Possibly Say It Enough....

And because someone else came up with a snazzy graphic:

The Pathological Copy/Paster

Well played, Segal, NYC Hacks, or long-lost pal of the Road Warrior, but your masquerade is revealed.
It's going to take some slick cornholing to get you out of this one. On July 8 of this year you said this, and on August 1, 2006, Mel Gibson said this:
More than a fraud, you are a pathological copy/paster and one who finds inspiration in perhaps the most diabolical copy/paster of them all, Mel Gibson, whose 2004 "The Passion of the Christ" was essentially copy/pasted verbatim from the Bible, or the New Testament, as we Gentiles call it.

Gibson's story of Jesus' crucifixion, much like your copy/pasting of his heartfelt apology above, was nothing short of an exact replica of how things went down in the Roman province. I believe it was in the Gospel of John, where the Sanhedrin are described to have rotting yellow teeth, a lack of oral hygiene which Gibson copy/pasted in much contrast to every other character in the film; in addition, it may have been in one of Paul's epistles that the angel of death was written to be traipsing about behind the Jews who called for Jesus' execution - Gibson basically Xeroxed the Good Book here.

Beyond copy/pasting from factual history, Gibson, himself like you, is not immune to copy/pasting from his contemporaries, or, in this case, a former contemporary. Just see these juxtaposed righteous beards:
Whatever the case, Segal, the jig is up, and, as penance for mocking the sincere efforts of Herr Gibson to make amends with Jewish community, bi-laws in the Tricky Trail Code call upon you to adopt the moniker that has found genesis through this purportedly-innocent mistake of posting to the "wrong blog."

From now on, you shall be called: The Pathological Copy/Paster, or something similar as you see fit.

Also note: the only word you didn't copy/paste, "blogosphere," you spelled incorrectly as "blogasphere." I Googled that misspelling and found some seriously dumb-ass blogs. Maybe you'd like to post at one of them. (Also, at first I thought you were talking about Conway Bangs' mom's famed site, big-ass-sphere.ru, but I was mistaken [Conway, read about your mom here])

I copy/paste Conway when I say,

"Stay Tricky"

Apology

There is no excuse, nor should there be any tolerance, for anyone who copy/pastes from his other blog. I want to apologize specifically to everyone in the blogasphere community for this harmful act and for what I said to a law enforcement officer the night I was arrested on a DUI charge.

I am a public person, and when I copy/paste or say something, either articulated and thought out, or blurted out in a moment of insanity, my actions carry weight in the public arena. As a result, I must assume personal responsibility and apologize directly to those who have been hurt and offended by my actions.

Every human being is God’s child, and if I wish to honor my God I have to honor his children. But please know from my heart that I am not a copy/paster. I am not a bigot.

I'm not just asking for forgiveness. I would like to take it one step further, and meet with leaders in the blogasphere community, with whom I can have a one on one discussion to discern the appropriate path for healing.

Word to your mommy!

Oren Segal is a Fraud

As I suspected, his highly-anticipated first blog post is merely a copy/paste of an entry at his own, probably-more important, blog.

You are on notice, Mr. Segal; I may just call you at 3 a.m. to give you your walking papers like a certain former manager of the NY Mets.

Hannah’s Album Covers

Hannah has developed an interest in various genres of music. The following is a sampling of her album covers, which demonstrate her musical and emotional range. “I Want a Little Gluten Free Cereal in My Bowl” – Hannah covers Nina Simone“Never Silent All These Months” – Hannah covers Tori Amos“Elmo Minded” – Hannah covers Boogie Down Productions

Arkansas Chumps Get a Load of Brutus' Beef, No Cake

As I recall crying my eyes out for two hours straight while watching Borat in a crowded theater in 2006, I feel my eyes welling up again two years later.

It seems that Sasha Baron Cohen is back in the States again, this time filming "Brüno: Delicious Journeys Through America for the Purpose of Making Heterosexual Males Visibly Uncomfortable in the Presence of a Gay Foreigner in a Mesh T-Shirt."

Here's the flyer that duped Arkansas good ol' boys into witnessing acts they'd only previously seen after stumbling drunk into their town's version of the Blue Oyster Bar.

Amazingly, no deaths were reported - either by way of heart attack or by lynching.

For the Razorbacks, this would be worse than going to Wrestlemania and getting nothing but a bill incorporating Leaping Lanny (not Lenny) Poffo into each match.

Mahoney!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wow...

Today I take a break from political rants and David Lee Roth to post this:

A photographer's strobe gives a violet sheen to this translucent juvenile roundbelly cowfish off the coast of Kona, Hawaii. Also known as the transparent boxfish, the roundbelly cowfish has two short horns in front of its eyes. By Chris Newbert/Minden Pictures at National Geographic.

Pretty amazing stuff.

That's Kind of Like, You Know.... Fuzzy McMath

Here's a good response to all of those "Barack-Obama-Is-Going-To-Raise-Your-Taxes-Until-We-Are-All-Poor-And-Until-He-Personally-Ruins-Your-Life" arguments making the rounds on the internets.

To those sending and/or reading those viral email smears, I give you: John McCain, Liar.

Money Quote:

So far, I have argued as though I thought McCain was actually serious about balancing the budget. I was taking him at his word, and giving him the benefit of the doubt. But I do not see how it's possible to even begin to work through his various proposals and think that he is. I suspect that he doesn't fully understand many of his proposals, and so might well be unaware of exactly how big a hole he's planning to blow in the deficit, ad how unlikely it is that he will be able to plug it by the means he's specified. But I don't think that even he can actually believe that he can make up $695 billion by cutting earmarks and "reforming" Social Security.

And how have those Republican-manufactured budget deficits been working out for us lately, anyway?

As if it was ever in doubt, this is the clincher for me...

I like soccer. Actually that's an understatement. It defined much of my life, helped me make friends of all types, taught me how to be part of a team, and makes my cab rides through America's major cities more conversational, especially during EURO.

With that intro, I present this latest buzz footage from CNN:


I like that my parents took me all over middle America to play this game, and I love Saturdays with my family at soccer games; so seeing Barry and Michelle looking like regular folks is great. [I may add more to this later.]

A Study in "What, Me Worry?"

The Damage of Dubya

Bush Tours America To Survey Damage Caused By His Disastrous Presidency

UPDATE: Here's a real Bush Wreckage Report for today.

Policy Post: On Torture.....

I'm on a roll today...

But this post isn't going to have a punchline.

Today in the news, we learned that the "enhanced interrogation" techniques of our county at Guantanamo Bay and other like places derive from a 1957 memo outlining the then-current practices of the Communist Chinese government to coerce false confessions. The operative word there is, of course, "false," because the classic "ends-justify-the-means" morality of Republicans living in their own personal "24" fantasy world has been that we need to torture, -er, to use "enhanced interrogation" techniques, to get actionable intelligence to keep the United States safe from further terrorist attacks.

This blog post, sums it up well:

Is it not a rather fantastic historical irony that the torture techniques that the North Vietnamese used against McCain that forced him to offer a videotaped false confession ... are now the techniques the Bush administration is using to gain "intelligence" about terror networks.

How is it possible to know that everything John McCain once said on videotape for the enemy was false, because it was coerced, and yet assert that everything we torture out of terror suspects using exactly the same techniques, is true? In fact, McCain at least knew somewhere that his own government knew he existed, that there were procedures to eventually release him, that he was on someone's radar. The average prisoner at Gitmo or in the other parts of the detention program believes that no one will ever save him, that he could be disappeared for ever, that there are no procedures for his eventual release and no government to remember him. If McCain uttered lies on tape to stop the torture, why would an Islamist tell the truth?

Nothing more accurately exposes the classic moral error of the Bush administration and its enablers in war crimes. If the enemy tortures, it defines their moral evil and all intelligence gleaned from such coercion is self-evidently false propaganda. If we do it, it isn't wrong, and it leads to good intelligence.

Got that? And these people have the gall to describe their ideological opponents as moral relativists.

Is That a Threat, or a Promise?

Oh, good lord.

In a desperate attempt to somehow stay relevant, D-list actor, Stephen Baldwin, is threatening to leave the country if Obama wins the election.

How cliched, as well as unbelievably caucasian.

I guess this is why the last decent film Stephen Baldwin starred in was ...... um, give me a minute............ no, really, I'll come up with something......... Let's see, I think the Canadians actually killed Steve-O and his brothers in the South Park movie. Does that count?

A word to the wise, Stephen: when anyone gives a shit what you think, we'll ask. Or, as they say in your trade (or more accurately, the trade in which you aspire to engage...), "don't call us, we'll call you." I have every confidence you've heard that enough to know what I'm saying.

More Sure Signs of a Coming Apocalypse

Dubya not only engaging in, but also teaching, what those on the radical right call an "Obama terrorist fist-jab."

Kill me now.