Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Reds Mourn the Departure of Wayne Krivsky

One thing is clear in the midst of the ass-kicking being applied by the Houston Ass-tros to the hometown Cincinnati Reds: the Reds players are crippled by their grief over the termination of General Manager, Wayne Krivsky.

After just over three innings, 187 pitches, and seven earned runs, starter Bronson Arroyo had to leave the game, too consumed by sadness for the fate of the man responsible for plucking him from a cushy existence in Boston and bringing him to baseball's newest wasteland, Cincinnati.

"It was pretty tough spotting my pitches with all the tears in my eyes," Arroyo said. "Of course I'd wipe them away, but then my hands were too wet to make my breaking ball effective."

"Let's face it, I can never repay the debt I owe Wayne," Arroyo added. "The situation in Boston was far too perfect. It has been an honor to come here, lose on a regular basis, and face adversity. It builds character."

Second baseman, Brandon Phillips, also confessed to being affected by his grief. Explaining how he could look so bad during his first inning strikeout, Phillips noted, "with all the tears in my eyes it was pretty tough to see that pitch I whiffed on for strike three was in fact a breaking ball ."

Left Fielder, Adam Dunn, was seen weeping in the dugout after being flat-out humiliated at the plate. Denying that his embarassingly bad strikeout was the impetus behind his tears, Dunn said, "Strikeout? Christ, I do that, what? Once every three innings? That doesn't bother me."

"No, it's this whole thing about Wayne," said Dunn. "Everyone assumes I would hate him because he traded away Austin Kearns. Truth is, Kearns is a douchebag, and everyone knows it. I hate that asshole. Remember when he showed up for Spring Training like 45 pounds overweight, and cried like a girl when he got sent down to Triple-A? And then his dad did the interview circuit, talking about what a travesty the whole situation was?"

"I've never seen any man cry like Austin Kearns did. Well, at least until the news about Wayne made its way around the clubhouse, that is."
"I've never seen any man cry like Austin Kearns did. Well, at least until the news about Wayne [Krivsky] made its way around the clubhouse, that is." -- Reds LF, Adam Dunn.

Right fielder, Ken Griffey, Jr., is one of the few Reds unfazed by the Krivsky news. Griffey hit his 597th homerun in the first inning. Asked for his reaction to the Krivsky news, Griffey said, "Honestly, I thought he had already retired. And I'm kind of embarrassed to say this, but I didn't know he was with our club. Regardless, his accomplishments speak for themselves. He is one of the greatest players hockey has ever known. So, 99, I wish you all the best."
Griffey: "Krivsky or Gretzky?"

1 comment:

Toppy said...

Good stuff Hot Rod. What happened to that other guy, Jake Dude. He was lame, I'm glad you replaced him.