Friday, April 11, 2008

Sales Director Predicts Soccer Victory over Goliath

April 11, Atlanta -- In what is likely the boldest sports prediction since Joe Namath predicted Super Bowl victory in 1969 for the New York Jets, an Atlanta sales director has been blessed with the clairvoyance to know that he and his group of average friends, otherwise known as Sting Soccer Club, will muster enough gumption to topple local and professional nemesis, Atlanta Silverbacks Reserves, in the upcoming Perrin Cup Final.

Sting striker Chad B announced his prediction to a global audience on the Internets through a hugely popular service known as Evite. Considering the amount of people who use the World Wide Cyberweb regularly, over 200 million domestically, "3-2 Sting victory" is likely to spread the world-over like wildfire and "Chad B" will become a household name. Sportscenter and Fox Soccer Channel will probably plaster their programming with the story during the lead-up to the match, which takes place Sunday, April 13.

So what do Bruhn's teammates think of all the commotion?

Sting Manager Jason Russell, pictured left, shrugged, "This is just Chad being Chad. Last year he made us write 'ocho cinco' on his jersey and once he sent Pepto Bismal to all the league referees; we're really not sure why he does what he does, but we keep him around so we can go to his house and watch sports on his big TV."

Team Swede, Kenneth M. Dahlin, stated, "Look, as long as we do what we do on Sunday, none of these shenannigans will matter. I'm just going to go out there and do what I do."

But not all took the prediction with indifference.

Czech-born hulk and winger Dany Stefansky lamented, "Chad continues to do a psyche-job on me. First, despite the muffin-top overflow from his waistband, he beat me in a sprint that forced me to wash jerseys all year; now this. God only knows what's next."

Media outlets have unsuccessfully tried to reach Bruhn since the prediction was first made. Chad's agent stated through a representative, Osei Appiah, who spoke partially obscured by some hotel lobby greenery, that her husband will not leave his basement where he is repeatedly simulating the Sting-Silverbacks matchup with video game FIFA '08.

The cryptic statement leads to speculation of how Chad originally arrived at "3-2 Sting victory."

In response to the brave soothsaying of the Sting striker, Atlanta Silverbacks forward Macoumba Kandji asked, "Chad who?"

Nani J. Cootsack reporting for Tricky Trail Sports

1 comment:

Quentin said...
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