Wednesday, October 1, 2008

How Do You Spell Trouble In Cincinnati?

3-2, 1-5.

Anyone know the over/under on the number of days until one of these two clowns get arrested?

And how convenient - former Univesity of West Virginia stars, Chris Henry and Pac Man Jones, together with their 11 combined arrests since the 2005 NFL Draft, are going to be reunited just like Peaches and Herb when the Bengals square off against the Cowboys this weekend.

It should challenging for the announcers. To avoid confusing the viewers, they'll have to avoid phrases like this:

"Jones gets burned by Henry deep." -- This could mean:

A. Henry committed arson;
B. Henry attempted to murder Jones by lighting him on fire; or
C. Henry caught a deep pass while Jones was in coverage.

"Jones picked Palmer's pocket" -- This could mean:

A. Jones committed larceny, stealing Carson Palmer's wallet;
B. Jones caused Palmer to fumble; or
C. Jones intercepted a Palmer pass.

"Henry is a little show to get up after that hit from Jones" -- This could mean:

A. Jones passed a fatty blunt to Henry, who couldn't pass up the opportunity to do his best Afroman impression;
B. Jones sucker-punched Henry for trying to score a little blow from Michael Irvin; or
C. Jones tackled Henry with great force.

"That's great coverage on Henry by Jones" -- This could mean:

A. Jones is covering for Henry by providing an alibi for a local crime;
B. Jones is avoiding jail by acting as a police informant keeping tabs on Henry; or
C. Jones is preventing Henry from getting open to catch a pass.

Study these, remaining mindful that context is everything, and the game should seem like a sporting event rather than a Law & Order episode.

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