You Tube Mining - Early 1990's gems.

Don't ask me why, but I'm currently searching You Tube for videos of bands that occupy a sort of "vacuum" in my musical interests as I came down from heavy metal and punk but before the whole "grunge" (I hate that word, by the way) really started to dominate.

Frankly, I don't know what you'd call this stuff. Other than, of course, "MTV's 120 Minutes" music. God, I loved that show. Anyway, looking back at how I now remember the early 1990's, this kind of music just seems so out of place. But at the time, I don't think it struck me as odd at all. Not the bright colors; not the baggy-but-not-rapper-baggy clothes; not the stilted soul elements; none of it really. Hmm...

Anyway, enjoy and Happy New Year!

"Groovy Train" by The Farm


"Grey Cell Green" by Ned's Atomic Dustbin


"Divine Thing" by The Soup Dragons

Reds Sign League's Fastest Player from Home Plate to Dugout

Willy Taveras, our new Little Reds Corvette who can go from 0 to 60 in two seconds between the batter's box and the dugout, is notorious for his desire to get to where he's safe, under cover of the dugout, near a fresh supply of sunflower seeds and Gatorade.

The Taveras signing will be a sure upgrade on last year's speedster signing, Corey Patterson, who will likely have reached the dugout more often than Taveras will in 2009, but who will have not reached such amazing speeds in getting there.

Taveras, who stole a career high 68 bases in 2008, has clearly topped this feat by stealing two years of Reds payroll allocations.

Rally 'Round Our Reds!

do Brasil, Pt. 5: There's never been a more exciting time to be in Brasil...

...like a time when Tom Brady and Gisele Bundchen get engaged. The news has been greeted with great gusto, with statements like: "I do not know this 'Tchom Bradeee,' and I do not like this game you speak. Men running and stopping and running and stopping. Eu no gusto isso."

On the other hand, the shirtless Barack Obama is hugely popular, "Ele es muito athletico!"

Maybe I will take a poll among my friends and relatives here: Who is a better athlete: Tom Brady or Barack Obama?

The results could be interesting.

do Brasil, Pt. 4: Marry Chrismis from the TTT

do Brasil, Pt. 3: The Nani is so loved in Brasil...

...that they named a bar after him.

do Brasil, Pt. 2: Brasil is SO chill...

...even when you pee.

do (pronounced dough) Brasil, Pt. 1: I wonder if they have Skol Mint here...

You can't put this between your cheek and your gum...

The Sarah Palin Files, Pt. 73

The Christmas season is upon us, and so too is the spirit of giving. There is one gift that just keeps on giving. And giving. And giving. And she is in the news again today: Sarah Palin.

It turns out that her baby's baby-daddy's mama (that would be the mother of Bristol's impregnator, Levi Johnston), got arrested on drug charges in Wasilla, a small town that continues to live up to its title as the meth capital of Alaska.

Sadly, there is nothing remarkable about this story in a vacuum. If you look hard enough, in any town or city in America, you can find a scenario like this playing out - teenage pregnancies, high school drop-outs, drug trafficking charges all within the same family, and sometimes even connected to a local family of some prominence. It never ceases to amaze me, however, that millions of Americans voted in favor of having this all-too-familiar redneck drama play out one heartbeat away from the oval office. And, on the ticket purporting to represent "traditional family values" no less. I mean, for Pete's sake, you can find a better example of "traditional family values" watching The Osbournes.



I never realized that this was the sort of thing to be celebrated. What's next? Republican-sponsored programs to increase teen pregnancy and family drug trafficking? Step right up and emulate the Republicans' would-be Second Family!!

A Rejoinder to Oh-bama! Pt. 1

Have to respectfully disagree with my colleague and dear friend Nani on the issue of Obama selecting Controversial Pastor Rick Warren to give the invocation at the inauguration.

But first, let me point out that I do get a kick at how Rick Warren is frequently described as "Controversial Pastor Rick Warren," as though it was his official title and job description. I'll abbreviate with "CPRW."

While many on the left see the choice of CPRW as some sort of betrayal, I certainly don't. To me, it is basically what we should expect. Has the left forgotten the passage in Obama's 2004 DNC speech, replayed in numerous campaign ads this cycle, where Obama made his case (to paraphrase here) that "we are not a red America and a blue America; we are the United States of America"? Was the left asleep during the campaign when Obama repeatedly stated (and took quite a bit of flack for it) that when it comes to foreign policy, we need to have open dialogues with nations with whom we don't agree?

I know this is an over generalization, but I think the left may be equating a massive popular vote and electoral college victory as a mandate to push a progressive agenda. Maybe, but I think that's a little hard to square with a leader with a "post-partisan" vision, and a stated intent to reach out across the aisle to those on the right. Keep in mind, a victory like that only comes with the support of independent voters and some on the right. Plus, we've seen the version of "reaching across the aisle" that consists of saying, "it's my way or the highway, motherfuckers." Yes, that would be the Dubya Bush approach to bipartisan governance. With certain exceptions, I don't think that approach accomplished much, other than bitterly dividing the country.

I look at Obama's invitation to CPRW as a shrewd, consensus-building political move. But I don't mean to come across as totally cynical, because from all accounts, Obama genuinely likes the guy.

And to put the gay marriage issue aside for a moment, CPRW, who is apparently very influential in evangelical circles, has some common ground with Obama and with the left, for example on climate change. Obama is never going to win over the evangelical population on issues like gay marriage and abortion. But selling other issues that are dear to the left is going to be a hell of a lot easier with broad popular support than it would be if Obama leads off his presidency by stoking the fires on the culture war issue of gay marriage. If he does that, he risks a certain percentage of Americans being dead set against anything he wants to do.

Now, will this work, who knows? But I don't think it's a bad idea. And at the end of the day, I think anyone left slack-jawed at this should have been paying more attention to who and what Obama is during the election. This is par for the course.

Now, on the issue of gay marriage, yes, I do think it is important. I think the campaign against gay marriage is deplorable. I think CPRW's opposition to it is misguided, as is all opposition to it. I know that it is deeply painful for gay Americans whose rights are being denied. And I further think that it tarnishes the liberties that we straight Americans enjoy.

But I don't live in fantasy land either. I do not believe that hunkering down in the trenches or screaming louder is going to solve the issue. While I am no expert on psychology, I believe the more that gays are humanized in this debate and the more that the personal impact on them caused by opposition to gay marriage is shown, the more persuasive the case for gay marriage becomes. An outreach, and the invitation to a civil discourse on the topic lays the foundation for this transformation in the way gays are perceived to take place. Certainly, it's going to go further than continuing to engage in endless arguments based on logic and a historical analysis of the institution of marriage, because at the end of the day, the disagreement is, at it's core, a very visceral one.

Finally, just as the idea that talking with Iran, for example, is an endorsement of its positions or values is a fallacy, so too is the idea that Obama is selling out the gays by inviting CPRW to the inauguration. The sell out will come, if at all, if Obama takes some substantive step against the gay rights movement. In contrast to that, this CPRW thing is just fluff.

I suggest everyone just calm down about this. As Harold Ford said today on Morning Joe, after the inauguration, the only thing we'll remember is Obama's inaugural address, not the fact that CPRW gave the invocation.

Oh-Bama! Pt. 1

In the first installment in what the Nani hopes will be an infrequent series of Obama-critical posts (after all, with the TTT's partial responsibility for getting the man elected comes, too, the responsibility to keep the man honest), the Nani gives you something somewhat light-of-heart to start your day. While the selection of Rick Warren as celebrant on Inauguration Day could merit an initial scathing post, the Nani wanted to start our with something a little less severe. (Hat tip: Cele|bitchy)

Conflict: Where Was the Internet Invented?

This meant that scientists at Cern - where Sir Tim Berners-Lee invented the web in 1989 - would no longer be able to use his creation for fear of causing a global collapse. (concerning the Large Hadron Collider)

vs.

Obama said in his address: "Here in the country that invented the Internet, every child should have a chance to get online."

Who's right? Big prize for whoever puts this to rest.

Reminds me of the first-in-flight debate the Naniette likes to have with me. USA! USA!

HEAD TO HEAD: Replicas of Santos-Dumont's Demoiselle (left) and the Wright Brothers' "B" Flyer fly side-by-side in Miamisburg, Ohio

Bakery Refuses 3-Year Old Birthday Cake...

...because his parents insisted they write the boy's name on the cake, his name being Adolf Hitler Campbell. Taken from an email I wrote to a friend:

Those parents are deranged… this goes back to the comedian who once pointed out that you need a license to fish, to drive, to vote, to travel, but not to raise a child.

I think there was a spelling mistake in “Hinler,” which was probably meant to read “Himmler,” as in Heinrich Himmler. Also, “Aryan Nation” is not quite right either… The title for the actual group is “Aryan Nations” and people who use the singular are not familiar with that movement; not sure whether this was a mistake by the media or by the parents, though, either way, I have a feeling that these parents are illiterate, or damn close.

I also liked the “some of the kids at the party were mixed race” comment. Their definition of mixed race is a bit different sometimes; like, they probably had over some Scots, Poles or Italians.

Maybe one of the TTT's resident legal experts can weigh in on any government ability to change the boy's name before he gets to gradeschool?

Hey Bengals Ownership, Want to Begin to Right the Ship?

Sign the guy who is willing to stomp on the helmet-less heads of offensive linemen. He'll be a free agent after the season.

Which reminds me of the classic sports brief from The Onion from October 2006:

NASHVILLE, TN—Defensive tackle Albert Haynesworth, suspended five games by the NFL for stomping on the head and kicking the face of Cowboys center Andre Gurode last Sunday, issued a statement this morning saying he "just wanted to make absolutely sure [Gurode] was dead for good." "The Titans pay me to do one thing out there—kill anyone who gets in my way," said Haynesworth, who is serving the longest suspension for on-field actions in league history for his attempted murder. "Doing a thorough job is just good fundamentals… On your first day of high-school ball, they tell you football's no more than blocking, tackling, and bodily assault with the intent to commit homicide." League officials have suggested that Haynesworth's suspension also include anger-management therapy and a refresher course in the rules and principles of football.

Mike Brown, sign this man and Freddy 4th Street and friends might just renew their Bengals tickets.

Ocho Cinco Ain't Got Sh*t on Stylez White...

Tip of my hat goes to "The Lon," who's out there somewhere monitoring The Sporting Blog:

'Teen Wolf' Inspires Bucs DE to Change Name

Before the season, Chad Johnson officially changed his name to some sort of Spanglish representation of the number he wears on Sundays. That was funny. This is much, much funnier:

[Bucs defensive end Greg White] is planning to change his name.

By the time the year is out, White will officially be known as Stylez G. White instead of just Greg White. Why?

"You can always remember Stylez White," White said. "Greg White, nobody knows Greg White."

That’s a good point. The name Greg White rings no bells for me. But Stylez G. White? That’s unforgettable. The best part of the whole thing is White’s inspiration: Teen Wolf. Jerry Levine plays a character in the film named Rupert “Stiles” Stilinski, who is Scott Howard’s (Michael J. Fox) best friend. The only way White could make this more outstanding would be to show up to the Bucs' next game wearing a “what are you looking at d---nose” t-shirt with some teal jeans.

Now, if only one Patrick Patterson of the Kentucky Wildcats would change his name to Chubby, and Jodie Meeks to Teen Wolf, then the 'Cats might stand a chance of making the NCAA tournament.

iPod "Shuffle Songs" Gem of the Day

"Wynona's Big Brown Beaver" by Primus came up on my iPod today while in "shuffle songs" mode. I had hoped to embed the 1990's music video here for old time's sake, but those stuffy, no-fun asswipes at Universal Music Group have disabled embedding for every copy of the video on YouTube. So, here's the link to it - safe travels into the world of trippy, plastic-looking cowboys.

In the meantime, enjoy this version: Primus on Letterman; dressed in penguin outfits (hey - why not?).

Reds Sign Previously-Unknown Pitcher!

On Sunday evening, Cincinnati Reds GM Walt Jocketty held a press conference revealing that the Reds Hot Stove had just gotten hotter.

"We are pleased to announced the signing of Muntadar al-Zaidi, a right-hander whose blistering right arm is not afraid to throw at heads of state, much less heads of batters," Jocketty stated.

The former St. Louis GM went on, "al-Zaidi is a shoe-in for a spot in the rotation."

At Reds Fest, the TTT caught up with al-Zaidi's probable battery-mate, Ramon Hernandez, who must have heard about the deal in advance; the 32-year old catcher was getting sized for a mitt large enough to handle a size-10 penny-loafer.

When Footwear Attacks

The Hot Rod lives vicariously ...

Time To Clean Out The Cincy Subway

What an amazing time we are living in!

The American automobile industry is about to collapse, and all our Republican lawmakers want to do is use this tremendous opportunity to break the backs of the U.A.W. once and for all. This little game of Russian roulette seems awfully damned reckless. After all, once one of these companies goes down, so goes their dealiers, and their suppliers who also supply the other two of the big three. While of course no one really knows what will happen after the first domino in the chain falls over, predictions are that this could put as many as 10 Million out of work. I mean, half a Mil new workers filed for unemployment benefits last month, and that news was generally received as a grim statistic.

Ten Million!

Oh, and should I offer the worn out observation that when it came to bailing out AIG or the other Wall Street investment firms, no Republican was crying about the injustice of those workers' wages and benefits on a "per hour" basis? I should? OK, well, observation so offered then.

But I'm not here to bitch about the Republicans. I'm here to talk about mass transit.

Today, Matthew Yglesias writes:

James Fallows writes about the rapidly expanding Beijing Metro — which has added several lines and extended others just during Fallows time living in China. This seems like an incredibly smart decision on the part of the Beijing government. Contemplating new heavy rail transit projects tends to become dizzyingly expensive and difficult. And yet when you look back at a Washington or a Boston or a Chicago — or even more so a New York or a Paris or a London — it’s clear that investments made in such projects long ago continue to pay enormous dividends, allowing for the creation of pockets of human and economic activity that simply could never be contemplated absent the existence of some high-capacity transit nodes.

By investing in this sort of thing at a moment that’s still pretty early in the game relative to China’s economic development, the PRC is helping to provide its capital with a set of advantages that will likely far outlast the current regime.

Beijing has apparently learned the lesson of the Cincinnati Subway.

Wikipedia reports,

By the turn of the 20th century Cincinnati was one of the ten largest cities in the United States, and had a rate of growth and economic importance that was similar to that of New York City and Chicago.

Today? Wikipedia tells us that if you combine all the surrounding counties in Ohio, Kentucky, and three from Indiana, Cincinnati is the 24th largest metro area in the US.

Oh, but there's this,

In August, 2008 Forbes magazine ranked Cincinnati as tenth in a list of "America's Hard-Drinking Cities".

That's something.

With all of that said, here's my question. Considering that our economy is fucked; that unemployment is already bad; that we're about to let a huge chunk of our manufacturing sector basically die, if for no other reason than to teach those damned rabble-rousing union organizers a fucking lesson they'll never forget; that Obama wants to stimulate the economy with public works projects; that cars create traffic nightmares and contribute to global warming; and that the return on investment on trains is documented to be both substantial and long-lasting ....

Might it be the time to look at finally completing the Cincinnati Subway, and even expanding it?

Ordinarily, there would be about a dozen reasons that could be readily thrown up against this idea. But the times are anything but ordinary.

____________
As a footnote, the quick info box on the wikipedia page on the Cincinnati Subway is pretty hilarious:

Info
Locale: Cincinnati, Ohio
Transit type: Rapid transit
Number of lines: 1
Number of stations: 3

Operation
Began operation: Never
Owner: SORTA

Technical
System length: 2.2 mi (3.54 km)
Track gauge: Broad gauge

Cincinnati Dump-Accompaniment

Conway, any reaction?
I had a good laugh at Stewart the other night and would have forgotten to post this had it not been for C. Trent. You can watch the clip there.

Letter to Mike Brown

Mike Brown
Undeserved Corner Office
Hamilton County Professional Football Stadium

Dear Mr. Brown,

I am writing to inform you that I will not be renewing my season tickets next year. Before I get into my reasons for non-renewal, I would first like to congratulate you. You cleverly ‘fooled’ me into purchasing tickets a few years back by miraculously pulling off a playoff appearance. The following year, much to my current chagrin, I purchased season tickets. I am far from a fair-weather fan; however, after the team’s poor performance this year I began to question if I wanted to continue to financially support the team. Then, your asinine interview in the Enquirer finally put me over the edge and I have decided to forgo renewing my tickets.

In the interview you mentioned “themes” the fans come up with to place blame. I have discussed your interview with my season ticket-holding friends, and we believe there is a “theme” that YOU prescribe to running a professional football organization: Draft Superman (who is the only one who could survive the pummeling) to play quarterback; count on players that haven’t played in 2+ years to lead your defense; evade the ever-present injury bug; and, finally, have trust and faith in your coaches that “have coached the same way” over the past years, but undercut your head coach’s decision on a player when you can use the situation to stroke your God-like redeemer and savior ego.

Your utter disregard for the feelings of the people who put money in your pocket (Bengals fans, in case you didn’t know) is shameful. You can say all you want about how you've been doing this job for years and are happy with the team’s effort, but please, for a single day, put yourself in the shoes of the common fan that spends a 'probably-more-than-they-can-afford' portion of their income to support the Bengals.

Anyone with a learning curve can see that an obvious solution to ending the agony would be to stop cheering for the lackluster team and find another one; but I was born and raised here and my heart will not allow my allegiance to the Bengals to change. I will continue to support the Bengals PLAYERS and Mike Zimmer (who is the only current coach who has yet to prove himself to be a complete failure), but I will not support anyone in the front office for the rest of my life as long as changes are not made.

Now that I have this new-found money, which was previously being spent on the Bengals, I have to decide where to spend it. Cincinnati Bearcats football looks like a good option at the moment, but so did Cincinnati Bengals football a few years back. If they are of the same school of thought as you, they are bound to be terrible in a few years. University of Kentucky football is another option; while it is an hour away, it is less expensive and I know what I am paying for…year after year of mediocre football, which is much easier to swallow than the one time up and most of the time down of the Bengals.

Thank you for your time and I look forward to cheering for the Bengals PLAYERS year after year.

If you ever do decide to hire a general manager I will be the first to hand you my application and resume, even knowing that without the last name Brown or Blackburn I'll have no legitimate shot at the position.

Feel free to have your secretary send me a form letter that states “thank you for your concerns and we are sorry to hear you will not be renewing your season tickets…”

Who dey?

Freddy Fourth Street

That Is So 2007

Gee Brad, where ever did you get the idea to sport the 'stache? How incredibly original and cutting edge of you!

Dear Marion Barber

Dear Marion Barber,

I understand what you are going through right now, believe me, and I know it must be tough. I read about your little baby toe getting squished in that game two weeks ago, and if my opponent in fantasy football hadn’t had you on her roster I would have felt really bad. But now I see that Mr. Jones is coming down kind of hard on you for not playing against the Steelers and talking about your littlest toe all the time, and I want you to know you are not alone, bro.

First of all some advice. I know how much your teeny tiny toe hurts, but you can’t keep talking about it. Try to change the subject to something else like the weather or the real estate market… “boy is it tanking”, etc. I speak from personal experience, because several months ago I broke my toe. Not the same one as yours – mine was having roast beef, and the ones next to it on the right stayed home and on the left had none, respectively, whereas your toe went wee wee wee wee all the way home.

I broke it in a soccer game, and it kept me out of action for a few weeks too, very painful. I play in several men’s leagues here in Atlanta. Apparently I talked about that toe way too much, like when we were going to the store I would remind my girlfriend how much my toe hurt and it was keeping me off the soccer field and could she carry the groceries. Or we might be watching a movie on the couch and I would take off my sock and say does it still look swollen, or talk about how it hurt to walk and could she maybe get me a pillow, etc. One day we were driving down the road and I made some comment about how much it was hurting, my toe, and she cut me off and said that nobody really wanted to hear about my toe, and that it was tiring and could I shut the hell up.

I didn’t know what to say, and I can see that you and Jerry have arrived at a similar impasse. I can only guess what your relationship is really like, but if you want to salvage it then you can’t talk about your toe anymore. Not to Jerry, not to Flozell, not to Adrian or Troy Polamalu or anyone, not even Romo or his lady friend with the big lips. You’re just going to have to suck it up and sit out quietly until it’s feeling ok. I suggest RICE – rest, ice, C something, and elevations.

In my book you made the right move not playing against the Steelers - your least large digit was not in playing shape, and you don’t want to risk permanent nerve damage. I should also mention that as a lifelong Steelers fan I know how dangerous it is to get on the field with them – remember Carlston Palmer in that playoff game a couple years ago got his leg seriously injured on a perfectly fair play by the Steelers linesman. You don’t want that to happen. I think they recently had to amputate that leg.

As a Steelers fan I don’t generally like the Cowboys, and usually hope they die. But your circumstances call out to me, and I would like to help. In college I was pretty quick, and could run about a 4.7 40. Not like your 4.3 speed, but respectable, and I’m shifty. Now, at 40 years old, I can still probably pull a 5.3 or 5.4 40, but I’m about Dunn sized, 5’9”, 170, and can fit through some tackles. What’s best is my toe is perfectly fine, and I’m willing to replace you in the next couple games to help Dallas get a playoff birth.

Let me know what you think. You can call me anytime on my cell. Maybe we could get a meatball sub and (not) talk about our toes sometime.

Sincerely,
QMM

Area Man Touched by Onion Article about Tennis Ball

A suburban-Atlanta man chuckled at The Onion headline, "Tennis Ball Brought On Trip," today, fondly recalling the several times that he, himself, had elected to toss a tennis ball, which had been just loitering about in his garage, into the back of his parents' van, ready to embark on a several-hour trip to the beach.

Upon reading article itself, Nani J. Cootsack warmly remembered the times that he had in fact used the tennis ball - tossing it on Myrtle Beach in the late 1980s or early 1990s with Freddy 4th Street or Conway Bangs.

Much later in life, in 1994, and back at Myrtle Beach, the tennis ball had been sadly neglected, left to rot in the trunk or hotel room while The Nani, Hot Rod, Billy Oceans 11, Jackie the Nose, and Sir Bangs, had righteously replaced it with babes and booze; by booze Nani refers to cases-upon-cases of Zima... and by babes, Nani refers to Conway and Jackie's friends from Marietta, Ohio, who were capable of slithering under doorways.

action jacksons look to salvage season tonight

in carl we trust
Posted via Pixelpipe.

It Was Freel Nice Knowin' Ya [alternate headline: The Freel Deal]

Today, one of everyone's favorite Reds, Ryan Freel, was traded (pending approval) to the Orioles for catcher Ramon Hernandez.

We'll sure miss seeing the all-too-rare-these-days hustle, but at least we won't suffer through possibly witnessing a man die each time a ball is hit to the wall in Great American.Best of luck, Freel.

For those who were fans of "Dick in a Box" from SNL...

...You'll love "Jizz in My Pants." Be warned, not safe for work, as if you needed that disclaimer to accompany such a title.



Best line:

“Don’t tell your friends or I’ll say you’re a slut. Plus it’s your fault you were rubbing my butt."

Kitchen Security

went into the kitchen tonight...

... and found that our bread basket had a ferocious guard dog. the pup is losing her innocence by the hour.
Posted via Pixelpipe.

The Ironing is Delicious

Former UC Basketball star Corie Blount has been arrested on drug charges.

With a name like Blount (pronounced like the Philly version) it was only a matter of time until this news story became a reality.

From cincinnati.com

Authorities learned that a package of marijuana from out of state was scheduled to be mailed to an address on Serenity Place in Liberty Township.

Sheriff's deputies, working with federal agents and Middletown police, scheduled what they called a controlled delivery of the marijuana to the residence on Thursday.

They said that Blount arrived at the residence to retrieve the package, which contained 11 pounds of marijuana.

[11 pounds... wow Corey, that's no messing around, wait, what? There's more?]

"Blount was followed to his residence where deputies stopped him and arrested him," the news release says.

Police searched Blount's home and the residence where the package was delivered. At Blount’s residence, deputies said they found a second package of marijuana containing about 11 pounds of marijuana.

[Jumpin' Jesus on a pogo-stick 11 MORE POUNDS!!! Wow Corey 22 LBS of P-O-T!!! That's a lot even for a former UC Bearcat & NBA Player... hold up.. what's this MORE HERB?!?!?!]

Authorities say a third package was also found that contained seven pounds of marijuana.


[Jesus, Mary & Snoop Dog Corey that's... hold on I need to get out my abacus... TWENT FUCKIN NINE POUNDS OF JAH'S SWEET HERB!!!]

In addition to confiscating the 29 pounds of marijuana, the Butler County Sheriff's Office confiscated $29,500 in cash, three vehicles and three guns.

The marijuana has an estimated street value of $52,200, said Butler County Sheriff's Detective Mike Hackney. More charges are possible, he said.

Blount, who played on UC's 1992 Final Four team and the school's Elite Eight team in 1993, was the Chicago Bulls' first-round draft pick in 1993. He played on five different NBA teams before returning to the Bulls' roster in 2002-03, according to nba.com.

The Sarah Palin Files, Pt. 72: a Fourth Photographic Question Mark

Andrew Sullivan continues to ask about Sarah Palin's tragic-yet-trophy pregnancy and the controversy over whether or not Trig is really her son. Sullivan, this go-'round, shines a light on an image of Sarah Palin that was allegedly taken 3 weeks before the birth of Trig. Compare that to a photo of her pregnant with a previous child (below):
Some money analysis from Sullivan from a somewhat extensive entry:

Maybe this photo has been photo-shopped. Maybe Palin had an anomalous pregnancy that showed far, far less than her previous ones, one that went from close to nothing to a serious bump in two weeks. Maybe the angle in the photo is misleading, and leaning toward us her pregnancy is concealed. Maybe her fifth labor really did take 26 hours combined via a speaking engagement (as amniotic fluid was leaking) and an 11 hour airplane flight (when a birth could have begun at any moment at extreme risk to the child), and maybe the bizarre and, to my mind, incredible stories she has told about the pregnancy and labor are true (there is still a chance they are). But if all these things are true, the Palin camp has had months to provide what would be instantly available records to dismiss all and every "insane" blog speculation about this. And yet none came - on or off the record.

A bit later:

Actually, the Dish went out and interviewed eight of the leading obstetricians in the country and laid out all the facts of the case and asked the experts for their take. While none would say that this pregnancy could not have happened, and none would comment on a case they hadn't examined personally, all of them said it was one of the strangest and unlikeliest series of events they had ever heard of and found Palin's decision to forgo medical help for more than a day after her water broke and risk the life of her unborn child on a long airplane trip to be reckless beyond measure.

And finally:

All I know is: the media refuses to ask and doesn't want to know and failed to demand medical records. All I know is that some journalists - like the Washington Post's Howie Kurtz - even tried to discredit the integrity of bloggers for asking. And yet in the campaign, the pregnancy and baby were offered at every moment as a reason to vote for Palin. If the Bridge To Nowhere is worth checking out, why aren't the pregnancy's bizarre details? Without the Down Syndrome pregnancy, Palin would not have had the rock-star appeal to the pro-life base that contributed to her selection. She made it a political issue by holding up the baby at the convention.

I do not know the truth and have never claimed that Palin is lying. I have always stated that bringing a baby with Down Syndrome into the world is a noble and beautiful thing. I have simply asked, given the implausible, if possible, circumstances, that a person running for vice-president provide some basic evidence for a very strange and unclear story. For a photograph of Palin pregnant with one of her previous children, see below. Compare and contrast. Remember that, as a general rule, pregnant mothers show more with each successive pregnancy. Remember also, as a general rule, that successive labors come more quickly. I think it's time Palin's doctor, Catherine Baldwin-Johnson talked to the press, don't you think? And that the McCain campaign tell us exactly what they knew and asked all along.

Like Sullivan, the TTT just wants some concrete answers, no matter what the answers may be.

A reminder why I love Reds off-season...

Great article by Larry Dobrow that rekindles my ignorant hope for Reds baseball in 2009.

Mormon Polar Bears Outraged...

...At the concept of two female Japanese polar bears' attempt to breed. Mormon polar bears in the U.S. were reportedly collecting droves of killed seals to send to Japan with the hope that the lesbian polar bear couple would be distracted and elect to forgo their unnatural act.

Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster

Kudos to this kid, who's got huge meatballs.

Thinking the "church" was a joke, I Googled and found a pretty awesome Web site, and what appears to be a fairly widespread, loose as it may be, organization.Best photo on the site:

Ancient Chinese Secret...

Who knew Willie Nelson's ancestors once lived in China?

The Sarah Palin Files, Pt. 71 - Chambliss Credits Palin With Helping Him Climax

Saxby Chambliss won the Senate run-off election in Georgia. Or as I like to imagine his name being pronounced with a heavy lisp, Ttthhhaktthhby Chamblittthhh (why do I think that is so funny?). You probably didn't hear since our Georgia correspondent, Nani J. Cootsack, has been too lazy to report on the story.

Anyway, something else you may have missed is Chambliss thanking Palin for her service on the campaign trail.

Someone call Rich Lowry.

Not to be outdone by the hot sweet potato pie assassin, this man accidently shot his wife while they were having sex

http://www.wlwt.com/news/18196466/detail.html

This one took place near the 'Nati, not to be confused with the Nani.

Man accused of assaulting girlfriend with hot sweet potato pie

http://www.sun-sentinel.com/sfl-1202potatopie,0,5837005.story

Apparently he did not like the food she put together.

The Sarah Palin Files, Pt. 70

Baby Jesus Shitting Self, Etc. (Continued)

Christ on whole wheat, I hope this is a joke:

Of course, my heart goes out to the family of this man who was just in the wrong place at the wrong time, but while it is unfortunate that someone got hurt, capitalism is not a dinner party. There will always be some collateral damage in a free market. Socialists who hate capitalism are now trying to scapegoat these patriotic Americans who celebrated an American tradition by rising before dawn on the day after Thanksgiving to express their love of this country by partaking of the bounties of the free enterprise system. How can those of us who were not there judge people on the front lines of the Christmas shopping rush? Can we honestly say that we would not have rushed past or over this unfortunate man on the way to grabbing the last plasma TV or Wii to bring some Christmas joy to our children? After 9/11 President Bush said that the best way to defeat the terrorists was to “go shopping.” Should we now condemn those who took him at his word? If he meant what he said, then before he leaves office President Bush should issue a blanket pardon to these high-spirited consumers to head off this assault not only on Americans who were just trying to make Christmas a little better for their families in these trying economic times but on the capitalist system itself.

It's either deadly serious, or highly dead-pan. I really don't know.

Comedy Break (part 5)

Do you have a flag?

Comedy Break (part 4)

Guns don't kill but they help.

Comedy Break (part 3)

The Moon Landings.

Comedy Break (part 2)

Brit vs US Movies

Comedy Break

More Hypocrisy

Mormons and Christians unite against gay marriage!

(...and PS: Don't let those skeletons in your closet [pun intended] stop you!)

It's ironic that the coalition to define marriage in California as the union between "one man and one woman" was anchored by a church whose founder claimed 33 wives. It's also ironic that the coalition — which framed Prop 8 as a fight to protect California's children — was quietly knit together by the Catholic archbishop of San Francisco, who once excused the molestation of children at the hands of a pedophile priest as mere "horseplay."

Hey, wait a minute! That's not irony. Alanis Morissette taught me that irony was rain on your wedding day. Nope, that's rank hypocrisy.

Nani nearly clicked this link...

...and then good sense intervened. I wonder what percentage of TTT readership possesses the same determined will power as wielded moments ago by the Nani.

I've pasted the link here, and dare you not to click.

Stop Me If You've Heard This One Before...

Christian zealot caught in alleged sexual misconduct.

Stop me, oh-oh-oh, stop me......

Life Imitates Metaphors

Ladies and gentlemen: NFL Superstar and gun enthusiast, Plaxico Burress.

Hi, this is the White House; don't forget to tell us that you don't want emissions regulated

This is great… The White House recently sent out a reminder to the nation’s mayors that they were running out of time to comment on how much they don’t want to regulate emissions linked to climate change. Unfortunately the White House probably should have left it up to the mayors to decide whether or not they agreed with the proposed policy. By the way you are also running out of time to vote if you liked the first or second Bush term the best.

The Sarah Palin Files, Pt. 69 / The Devil Went Down to Georgia

Well, Bless me! The Hot Rod gets to author the 69th installment of the Sarah Palin Files! (Actually, I think Part 48 was a two-parter, so Nani may have robbed me of the honor from a purely technical standpoint).

ANYWAY, given Charlie Daniels' politics, I'm sure he'd be appalled that I have used the reference to the only song he is known for to describe Caribou Barbie's trip to Georgia.

Palin of course, is there to campaign for the man who, more so than any one else on God's green earth, has got to be thankful he was not born with a lisp, Georgia Republican Senator, Saxby Chambliss. If there is a more pretentious, faux-old money, southern aristocratic sounding name out there, I'd like to know about it. But I don't think there is.

Oh, did I mention that Saxby Chambliss is a Vietnam-era draft-dodger, turned modern-day chicken-hawk, who, in his free time, attacks triple-amputee Vietnam veterans for not being sufficiently patriotic? Yep, he sure is.

This is all too convenient for the Hot Rod. Line 'em up together so I can slap both in the face - Palin for being a (proudly) know-nothing dunce, and Chambliss for being a contemptible bastard.

Covington's The Pad has taken new form...

...as The Avenue. Is Covington cleaning up its act?

Kentucky's most beautiful girls were definitely there but sadly they were fully clothed and drinking high-end cocktails.

Bathroom patriotism littered the walls of the men's facilities, which had probably once required industrial-strength cleaning supplies.

Posted via Pixelpipe.

Somewhere, Baby Jesus Just Shit Himself

This whole "Black Friday" shit is getting out of control.

When we're killing Wal Mart employees to be the first one in town to get the "it" gift this season, something is seriously, seriously wrong with our society:

A worker was killed in the crush Friday after a throng of shoppers eager for post-Thanksgiving bargains burst through the doors at a suburban Wal-Mart, authorities said.

[...]

"He was bum-rushed by 200 people," co-worker Jimmy Overby, 43, told the Daily News. "They took the doors off the hinges. He was trampled and killed in front of me. They took me down too. ... I literally had to fight people off my back."

This is terrible. The deceased worker was 34 years old. One can only guess he had a spouse, perhaps some kids. They now get to bury their loved one for Christmas. All so a bunch of crazed suburbanites could save a couple hundred dollars on a 50' flat screen tv.

Sure, that's a fair fucking trade-off - a life for a flat screen.

What the fuck is wrong with you fucking animals??!!

This has managed to piss off the Hot Rod. If life was fair, and it's not, I'd get 10 minutes alone in a room with no windows and only one door with each of those 200 callous, inhuman motherfuckers who killed this unfortuante son-of-bitch. Just me, them, and a baseball bat. Parade 'em in, one-by-one for some Old Testament-style justice.

I am sure there is a special place reserved in hell for those who would so lose sight of the true purpose of Christmas that they would kill a man to get a better seat in the temple of consumerism.

best thing about having pirates over for thanksgiving is that they leave their pirate booty exposed

Aaaaarr! bring me me rum with that turkey ye scurvey dog!

happy thanksgiving

in Pittsburgh, there is not only a law that beer must be bought at a specially licensed beer store, but also one that requires all hotels to convey a "pirate" theme in honor baseball great Smokey Burgess, who "was a little fat catcher," according to Nani's mammi
Posted via Pixelpipe.

i'd like two pickets to tittsburgh

tunnel shot

caravan to Pittsburgh

Posted via Pixelpipe.

The Norm Coleman / Al Franken Recount

One unresolved Senate race seen through the eyes of Matt Taibbi, here.

Taibbi points out

Coleman ... lost a humiliating gubernatorial race to wrestler Jesse Ventura 10 years ago, he now sits on the verge of becoming the first politician in American history to lose a major office to two different TV entertainers.

Ouch!

Make sure you read the entire article - on page 3 there is a mention of the unintentionally funny name of a device Coleman's wife invented.

Inauguration Anyone?

January 20, 2009 will be one hell of an historic day. Washington DC is a short two-hour ride down the tricky trail from Jackie’s hood. If you know the password you may gain entrance. Call your Congressman; get your tickets.

Now known as Brian Wedgiebrook...

Westbrook, you'd better watch out; Ray Lewis is probably in hot pursuit, loose change in-hand and ready to deposit in your cofrinho.

Cincinnati Entertainment Awards

I had an all access laminate last night in exchange for a little heavy lifting. Not too bad a deal. Below is my grainy cell phone pic of Ralph Stanley and The Clinch Mountain Boys closing out the show.

The show is run like an actual awards show and is a lot of fun (complete with red carpet entrance). Just getting all the different Cincinnati bands/musicians under one roof for a night is quite the spectacle. And it's incredibly exciting when your friends win (reggae, bluegrass categories).

I've posted an article from Mike Breen who works at Citybeat magazine too, sums up the night quite well... boy does my head hurt today (schwillin whiskey from the bottle backstage after the show probably wasn't such a great idea, but whatchagonnado)



<><><><><>

The afterparty is sitll going on, but, while we assess what happened last night at the 12th annual Cincinnati Entertainment Award ceremony at the Emery Theater — the first sold-out show and quite possibly the best show in CEA histtory —here's who won what last night.

The levity of having Bootsy Collins and some legendary James Brown cohorts, plus Ralph Satnley, performing at the CEAs hit me when I drove up in the afternoon to drop off scripts and the CD with winner's music earlier in the afternoon. When I pulled up the venue, I was behind Ralph Stanley's tour bus, maneuvering the tight turns of Over-the-Rhine, When I walked into the Emery Theatre, Booty Colllins and his famous colleagues were sound-checking with a mini-set that seemed already perfect.

I was blown away by the bookended performances. This truly represented the history of what would become Rock & Roll. It was almost surreal to watch. Fuck you if you don't get it — we should be so proud of Cincinnati's place in music history

If I can put things into words, I'll write more. In the meantime, here's who won some awards last night:

BEST LIVE ACT
Foxy Shazam

BEST MUSICAL AMBASSADOR
Bootsy Collins

BLUEGRASS
Rumpke Mountain Boys

BLUES
Sonny Moorman Group

COUNTRY
The Turkeys

EXPERIMENTAL/ELECTRONIC
Chick Pimp, Coke Dealer at a Bar

FOLK/AMERICANA
Jake Speed & the Freddies

HARD ROCK/METAL
Foxy Shazam

HIP HOP
Eclipse

INDIE/ALTERNATIVE
The Seedy Seeds

JAZZ
Faux Frenchmen

PUNK/POST PUNK/HARDCORE
Knife the Symphony

R&B/FUNK
Daughters and Sons

ROCK
500 Miles to Memphis

SINGER/SONGWRITER
Kim Taylor

WORLD MUSIC/REGGAE
Super-Massive

NEW ARTIST OF THE YEAR
Daniel Martin Moore

ALBUM OF THE YEAR
Barkinghaus
The Sundresses

ARTIST OF THE YEAR
Seabird

Say It Ain't So

Britain may ban happy hours. That's it; I'm dumping all of my Earl Gray tea into the Chesapeake.

Bad Timing

NBC Fires WEATHER CHANNEL Environmental Unit -- During Network's 'Green Week' ...

Friday Mid-Afternoon Spotlight: Chokkan Band

This appears to be a viral ad from Taito to promote their mobile game, Chokkan Band.

Jesse Jackson wanted for questioning in disappearance of Marvin Lewis' Balls [alternate headline: Bengals Fire Marvin Lewis, Reds Sign Rafael Furcal]

Can you imagine Thanksgiving in Cincinnati if that was the Enquirer's headline early next week (the latter - the former would be weird as hell though)?

Kicking a field goal last night while down 13 with 6 minutes left against the Steelers, with the ball inside the 10-yard line, was absolutely inexcusable. Marvin Lewis should be fired. As our friend C. Trent Rosecrans puts it:

So, Marvin Lewis is talking at 2 and maybe he'll make more sense today than he did last night. It was like he was shell-shocked last night and making zero sense. Really, the only thing he can say about the field goal is 'yeah, I f'd up.'

On the bright side, the Reds are currently tied for the lead in the NL Central. Hopefully, they'll grow the pair that Lewis is currently without and sign Furcal, or some other playmaker.

I know I'm dreaming, and while the Naniette is fond to remind that "it's free to dream," I am not sure this is exactly true; I seem to always pay a severe emotional debt for my Cincinnati sports dreams.

Sarah Palin Files, Pt. 68 - Palin interview on the set of "Fargo"

Is this a joke? I mean, she really has no sense of context... "I think I'll give an interview in front of a turkey getting slaughtered while I sip on my latte and keep warm under my Burberry scarf."

Here's her actual quote:

“This was neat. I was happy to get invited to participate in this. You need a little bit of levity in this job… It’s nice to get out and do something to promote a local business and to just participate in something that isn’t so heavy handed politics that invite criticism. Certainly we’ll even invite criticism for doing this too, but at least this was fun.”

Levity? Wow, if this is her idea of levity, I'd hate to see her idea of a notion higher on the positive scale than "levity." At this rate, joy or excitement, for example, would include Francis McDormand playing a pregnant cop, don'tcha know?.

In the clip, Palin talks about what she's thankful for: her kids and things like that. Fair enough. Well, it's probably no small secret that Nani is thankful for this turkey not being anywhere the White House for the next 4 years, and hopefully beyond. Nani is thankful that Palin will be again tucked away in Alaska where she can keep us safe from Russia.

For reference:

A pie chart explains the devastating implications of gay marriage...

For more telling charts on a number of issues, see GraphJam.

Putting the "Old" Back in "Grand Old Party"

I love my parents, who are baby boomers, dearly. But with apologies to my parents (Burnt Rod and Burnt Rodette Lincoln), I desperately want the baby boomers - as a political force - do die out and go away.

Remember all of those stupid issues McCain and Palin ran on - "he's not like us"; "he's a communist/socialist/marxist"; Bill Ayres, Jeremiah Wright, et al.? They're baby boomer wedge issues and buzzwords. The lowest common denominator to them is this: are you with John Wayne, or with Jane Fonda? Vietnam and the 1960's are still the central front of the political wars for the baby boomers.

Others have said it better than me, particularly Matt Taibbi in this piece, but this election was a seismic generational shift in political power. If 2008 wasn't the death knell for the baby boomers as a political force, we can at least say they have been weakened to the point of irrelevance.

David Gergen in Rolling Stone:

The emergence of this millennial generation as a force in American politics is going to be one of the biggest stories in the country over the next 20 years or so. We know from past history that when young people vote for one party a couple of times, they tend to vote for that party during their adult lifetimes in disproportionate numbers. We last saw this with Ronald Reagan, who attracted an unusual number of young people. But the rising generation of millennials is bigger than what has come before. They are even bigger than the baby-boom population, and they are much more progressive and diverse. Forty percent of millennials are minorities. They look past gender and race in ways that baby boomers do not. They embrace diversity, whereas older Americans tend to be wary or even scared of it. So this is an enormous potential asset for Democrats. We talked all along about whether Barack being black would drive away voters. Among the millennials, the fact that he was black attracted voters.

It is just amazing to hear some voices from the right advocate an even more conservative path for the Republican party - i.e., more hawkish, more homophobic, more bigoted, more intolerant, more desirous of a return to a fabled 1950's (white) suburban America, and so on.

At some point, these people need to realize it's not about principles or ideas - if they want to be a viable political party, it's about the fucking math. A rabidly passionate 27% of the electorate is not going to win national elected office, regardless of how enthusiastically they cast their ballots.

Shaq's Twitter

Random post for the day: Shaq is Twittering and you can follow his every bite as he eats a Subway sandwich.

The US has cooties!

This video speaks for itself. The New administration has a big task a head of them.

"Coco Crisp almost a Red"

That was the headline at mlbtraderumors.com, which had me wound up for a second. Could the Reds really land a CF capable of batting 8th, or even 7th, in the lineup? Could it be?

No, it couldn't.

The Reds were out-gunned by the Royals, the powder-blue insignificance that reportedly, like the Reds, fields a collection of men who are paid professional contracts to play baseball in a fantastic stadium in front of people who spend their money to watch.

Let me repeat: the Reds were out-gunned by the Kansas City Royals. The Royals haven't done anything significant since two hooligan attendees of one of their games assaulted first base coach Tom Gamboa.

My favorite part of the baseball season has certainly tripped and stumbled out of the chute.

Walt Jocketty, what's next? Should we sign Mike Piazza to catch and sell haircare products?

bathroom politics

Posted via Pixelpipe.

Houston, We've Got A Problem.

This morning, while making my way through My Yahoo! page, my eye was accosted by the following headline from Space.com in the Space and Astronomy module:

Spacewalkers Lose Tool Bag During Space Station Lube Job

Um. Ummm.

I know the story itself is far more innocuous than my college-age mind has been led to believe (at least I think so - I didn't want to ruin the moment by actually reading it). But, it was a welcome surprise to find that my decision to include astronomy news in my daily morning read would satisfy my intellectual curiosity as well as my insatiable hunger for silliness. And to the gentleman who penned this headline, I say thank you. You are a scholar, and, at the same time, not. I know you did this on purpose.

As for the story, in my imagination it has a happy ending. The jackass wasn't lost, he just went to the bathroom to finish the job himself.

Kentucky's Best Kept Secret...

Hat tip, Andrew Sullivan:

Another Footstep On The Well-Worn Path To Irrelevance

Nice.

The Cincinnati Reds let reliever Jeremy Affeldt sign with San Fransisco. And it's a good thing too. He was only, good, talented, effective .... Maybe they're freeing up cap space to lure the worthless Todd Coffey back.

Thoughts? Tawlk Among y'selves.**

** A SNL "Coffee Talk" reference. Get it? Todd Coffey, Coffee Talk. Oh Nevermind!

Symbolic Gesture of the Day

In California, a homeless man was sentenced to four years in prison, and ordered to pay $101,000,000 for starting two forest fires. A homeless man.

Good luck collecting that.

If California really wanted to take a piece of this guy's ass, they should just lock him in a room with Smokey the Bear. I bet Smokey's pissed.

What's better than Belgian waffles?

Belgian action heroes named Jean Claude Van Damme.

Nani will admit, he hasn't exactly had JCVD on the brain since he'd seen him on TNT seemingly ever day after school in junior high, and Nani is pretty sure you haven't kept up the homoerotic martial arts master either.

Remember when Benito Santiago used to catch for the Padres?

So, what sparked this entry? Well, last week at the pub, while the Action Jacksons were proving Chubbs' severe lack of "drinkability," Carl and friends were being entertained by three monitors. In the middle was the Hawks' near victory over the Celtics, on the right was some bloody UFC battle, and on the left, with the entire bar counting their lucky stars, was Bloodsport, starring Jean Claude Van Damme and featuring the 'roid-rage neck-breaking of Chong Li. We had a hard time deciding which was real and more entertaining: UFC or Bloodsport.

What a classic film. And did you know that Forest Whitaker is in it? Nani can't believe he didn't win an award for his role.

Coincidental to Nani being force-fed oiled-up images of dudes in Skidz pants, Jean Claude is attempting to bust out of the shackles of obscurity by promoting the documentary the world has been waiting for, JCVD, which the San Francisco Chronicle calls a "shrewd satire about stardom and the cult of celebrity." Some call it Van Damme's finest acting ever; however, it may not be better than his performance on the red carpet during an interview with a young female reporter. Here's a transcript of the sexual-harassment laced interview (hat tip, Celebitchy):

There ‘ s a monologue in the film about being a washed-up action star. Did you improvise that?
I like structure—like driving: go past the school on the street, stay on the right side, no hitting the car, go in right, you’ll see a big church, stop and take a left, and you’ll have it. By doing this I’m giving a structure of life, a path of light, and showing what happens between me and me, which is something very beautiful.

Beautiful? Why?
I really opened myself up in “JCVD.” I peeled back the skin of the fruit, cut the pulp and then took that very hard seed. In this film I cut that hard seed, and inside that seed was a kind of liquid cream substance of the man I am, or the woman you are.

OK —
It was like being naked—I would love to be naked in front of you.

Well, I —
Not being naked being naked. I say such things in Hong Kong and they thought I was being a crazy Frenchman. Being naked of protection.

So you ‘ ve no regrets at all?
Believe me—I’ve done very good stuff and very crazy stuff, and I don’t regret the crazy stuff. So are you in New York?

Yes, I am.
And are you 27, or 32?

I ‘ m 22.
Oh, f–––. That is very young. Will you come to the premiere?

I don ‘ t know. When is it?
I don’t know. You will wear all black, a black dress and high heels?

Uh —
You can come find me, I will be the one with the very broad shoulders, dark hair and a simple suit. We can have some champagne, you and me.

If you'd like to catch a glimpse of what JCVD is all about, watch the trailer. Nani has not yet watched and hopes he doesn't regret posting it:


Just watched it. Great line: "If there was no more oxygen, all planes and birds would crash."

Gov. Palin Admits Affair With Hot Rod Lincoln

Governor Palin pictured here discussing an affair with the Tricky Trail Times’ own Hot Rod Lincoln. She admits being rather districted during the campaign and unable to bone-up for some interviews, most notably the infamous Katie Couric interview. Hot Rod declined comment but did rub his mustache and give the interviewer a head nod and wink.